Friend wants to borrow £10k - please help!

ceridwen

dulcey wrote: »

just wondering, do you have a husband and if so what is his opinion on this ?
it is so easy to lend money but so very difficult to get it back thats if you ever do get it

Thats a potential "get out clause". In the Asian culture I expect women "do what they're told" by their husbands - rather than expecting to be equal partners like we do.

Therefore tell your husband that he has just "told you" you arent to lend the money. Tell her that your husband has instructed you not to lend the money - and, as a good Asian wife, you can't go against the "head of the household".;):rotfl:

donquine

Sofie, it sounds like you've converted to Islam fairly recently and may not have done so, had you not met your husband. I get the feeling that you love your husband and baby so much, you're trying really hard to fit in with this new culture and faith you've welcomed into your life? And making Muslim friends and pleasing them is a part of that?

Just because this lady is Muslim like you, your husband and your baby does not mean she is being truthful with you, or fair to you. You might have £10k, but it doesn't mean you can afford to lose £10k. I think it's wrong to put a friend in a position where they have to quite reasonably say no, they can't bail you out, but it's even worse when that friend is a new parent with all of the responsibilities, worries and expenses that brings and as one herself, she should know how unfair it is to even ask!

Your husband or baby might need that money tomorrow. You can't risk losing it - how would you feel if they needed your help and you couldn't give it? At the end of the day, who is more important to you? Your family, or this woman who sounds more like a user than a friend?

It sounds like you have a really sweet nature - don't let anyone take advantage of that.

LisaLou1982

I had a similar experience with a friend last year regarding a deposit for a house she was buying. She asked if she could borrow 10k and repay it a year later at 12k which would be a good return on my investment - certainly more than i would earn in interest in the bank!

I said no - firstly she is constantly living to her means with no contingency plan. Secondly she has a family and i know that there would be a strong possibility that were her husband to lose his job then i wouldnt be able to get my money back.

As others have said, never lend out more than you can afford to not get back. That way, you wont lose a friend. You dont need to explain why or give her any excuses - just tell her that youve thought about it and you are not prepared to lend her the money

Lara44

Hi Sofie

Sorry to hear you're in this position. Personally I wouldn't lend the money if I couldn't afford it, and if it was allocated as a future house deposit. It took OH and I 7 years to save our mortgage and we went without a lot to pull it all together.

But I wanted to suggest, if you feel bad about withdrawing the full offer, is there an amount you would feel happy to lend? It would be perhaps easier to get 5 people to lend £2000 instead of one to lend £10,000?

Norma_Desmond

Personally I would never lend money to a friend.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've had enough hassle in the past getting back books / lawn mowers / power tools etc.

BitterAndTwisted

"She is from Pakistan and that is how Asian families work, borrowing and lending to each other rather than going through banks"

I think that is an admirable cultural tradition BUT you are not a member of this lady's family, are you? So any obligation that a family-member might be under certainly does not apply to you, an outsider. And a convert, too.

What is the opinion of your husband? Presumably he is better-versed in the teachings of the Qur'an than you if the holy scriptures have anything to say about lending or giving money to strangers..

C_Mababejive

Have only read the first page...

My advice is always that the best place to borrow money is from a bank.

Now if they wont lend it out, then why on earth should/would I?

There are banks now which apply Islamic law in their dealings with customers?

She needs to go there.


Lend me £10,000 and i will give you a written statement detailing the transaction and pay you back in six months and find a way to reward your kindness which does not impinge on Islamic law and tradition.

LJM

dont lend it it sounds harsh but you will always be worrying when and if you will get back the money and with a baby you do not need the extra stress and what happens if all of a sudden something happens and you need it and its not there,do not lend or borrow, just tell your friend politely that the money is tied up and you cannot get to it easily

Hotspur

Hi Sofie,

I think you have answered your own question really.

sofietrouble wrote: »

She is pregnant with her first child (I have a baby also) and I am just worried that for some reason she will not pay it back. I really could not afford to lose this money as I was saving it to buy a house as I am renting at the moment.

1. You can't afford to lose the money
2. You have saved it for a particular purpose for you and oh/family
3. You think she may not have the means to pay it back

I am in the position of lending £10K to a very good friend who I trust to pay the money back whatever. However, we have set a repayment schedule over 5 years! She also has a child and low income and would be in no position to repay the money over 6 months. I can't afford to lose this money but knew at the start that it was a risky transaction AND that I could get NOTHING back. She has already defaulted on a couple of months payments (with my agreement) when money was tight.

If I had set my savings aside to buy a house no way would I have leant the money.

I suspect your friend would have no means to repay such a sum back in 6 months unless she was able to borrow the money off of someone else. This is one situation you should listen to your head not your heart and politely say NO. After all you stand to lose so much including your friend if she fails to repay your £10,000. Would you take her to court to recover your money?

Keep your money and keep your friend too.

kittykat100

OP, I suggest that you watch a few episodes of Judge Judy too!!

Don't do it!

Kittyx