Stepson stealing- advice please..

red_devil

try and ask your son how he would feel if someone stole from him?

minimoneysaver

There's a few issues here:
He is on his own far too long for an 11 yr old & there are too many temptations in the house. As far as calling him step son, that's what he is. I see no reason to refer to him any other way. If the OP had said 'son,' he wouldn't have painted an accurate picture of the situation. Maybe the child does call him dad, but that's non of our business. For a start, when I was a step mum to a house full of teenagers, we put a lock on our bedroom door. All important paperwork, money, private belongings etc were kept in our room. The children didn't come into our room, unless we were there and when we weren't the door was locked. Four teenagers coming in and out of the house and their friends and nothing important went missing. I believe we did it because we were removing temptation. Items had gone missing and it was important to us to feel that we had our own space that couldn't be invaded by them. So far as snacks etc. I used to buy healthy snacks and leave them where they could help themselves. Growing teens get very hungry!

flowerscotland

I think some of you should cut this guy some slack! He's posted here because he's genuinely worried about his step son! He obviously cares about the boy.

He's called him his step son because that's what he is!

I have an eight year old and if I left her at home she would sit on my kitchen floor and eat the contents of my fridge! There's no harm done taking a few biscuits. I would sit him down and just explain that he needs to ask if he wants anything.

He may be looking for attention, my daughter often misbehaves for attention, I live my life round about them, changed my working hours so I can be with them, and she still demands attention at times. Her sister, who I've brought up the exact same, doesn't behave like this.

Every child is different, communication is the key, keep talking about what you expect of them.

My girls respond well to a reward chart, your step son may be a bit old for this but if you could think of something similar, a reward for good behaviour at the end of the week?

Good luck.

janeawej

Oh dear, difficult situation you are in, I think your right to be concerned, sitting down and talking about it is a good start and whilst recording him stealing may be controversial at least now he knows that you have proof that he does steal, although to be honest stealing food is probably the least of your problems, I think someone needs to be home with him after school, to offer, more or less insist he has a snack when he comes in, a drink and a bit of attention, dont leave him alone in the house, he just isnt old enough to have this responsibility, take him with you on even short trips such as collecting his sister from clubs, yes he may resent this to begin with but you will need to explain to him that he needs to gain your trust again, and therefore needs to be with you, you could even give a small treat on the way, eg could he take a games console that he wouldnt normally be allowed to take in the car? sit in the front? These should only be given if he has behave well enough to have a treat of course! This way you will also be spending more time with him and hopefully will be able to build up rapport on these short journeys alone together and enjoy them as a bit of one to one time.

I think also that you need to explain to him that he is of an age of criminal responsibility so could get into trouble with the police for stealing, I'm sure your local police will be willing to talk to him and explain what could happen if he is caught stealing other peoples property (not just food from the cupboard) He has to learn that there are consequences to his actions and the sooner he learns them the better, my stepson stole from all his family and when i met him at 19 he stole from me, he had never been made to be responsible for his own actions and felt like your son that he could get away with anything, he now is unemployed, broke, verging on being homeless all because he cannot accept responsibility for his own actions. You dont want your child going this way.

After explaining the onsequences to him, I think its best to say that you WILL inform the police next time he steals money or property (not food from the cupboard) however before doing this make sure that you are willing to carry it out, NEVER threaten a punishment that you cannot carry out, yes it may seem harsh, but this is tough love, explain to him that you are doing it because you love him so much and want him to have a good future and that if he continues to steal he will not have freinds, a decent job or any future happiness.

Try to spend some extra family time together, and also to both spend a bit of time on you own with him, dont let him spend too much time alone in his room, this gives time to brood and get resentful, remove the TV, playstation etc from his room and put in a family room so that he is with you more and feels more included, I know all his freinds have their own tvs etc or so he will tell you! my kids tell me that too!

Be firm but fair and hopefully he will realise that actions have consequences. J

Jet

I do think the law needs to be explained and that he needs a consequence for his actions. Lying and stealing are a big no no for me and I would be very upset.

I also think you need to look at the positive interractions you are having with the boy. He needs one to one time and to really believe that you want to be with him and not just doing it because you know you should. If he feels part of the family a bit more and not just the bad guy who gets left alone a lot, then I think he might have more respect for the family.