16yo daughter has left home - worried sick!

rozmister

Zara77 wrote: »

If all else fails, then write her a letter and tell her to challenge her comfortable existence? Will the bf alls want her? plant the seed of if he really loved her why did he not make a real commitment to her? Marriage? He is just using her for fun and protecting is own wealth? Make it clear to her that the bf does not trust her enough or love enough to invite her into his home and life.

Yes, emotionally manipulating a vulnerable young person into believing she is being used and one of the most important people in her life doesn't value her, care about her or love her is going to do wonders for her self-esteem. She's a human being with feelings, this isn't a computer game where the right formula makes you win and deliberately manipulating your child in a way that will really hurt them to get what you want is absolutely appalling disgusting parenting.

Blitz01

16 year old will go out with an 18 year old

But the point is he has only just turned 16, and the relationship was obviously on when she was still legally a child. Surely you don't find that acceptable, regardless of how mature she perceives herself to be.

rozmister

Blitz01 wrote: »

and again you have missed the point.
She has only just turned 16, and the relationship was obviously on when she was still legally a child.

Would you turn you child over to an 18 year old?

The OP isn't "turning" over their child to an 18 year old. She's CHOOSING to leave because as an individual she has FREEDOM TO CHOOSE. That is her legal right and as a parent you get no legally recognised say in the matter. You can either make a massive fuss and alienate her and still not get her back or you can be supportive and be a good parent.

If I'm missing your point you're choosing to ignore and not acknowledge mine. Again I will say this 3 days before her 16th birthday she was not significantly less mature than she was on the day she turned 16. The OP obviously didn't see his daughter as a vulnerable immature CHILD who wasn't capable of understanding the consequences of an older boyfriend or he wouldn't have let her near him. He judged his daughter to be mature enough to go out with an 18 year old and he is a much better position to decide that then you.

pupsicola

Blitz01 wrote: »

Regardless of what you think, 16years old, unless you are a guerilla fighter in Mogadishu, is a child, and any parent should defend that to the hilt

I completely agree with you. However children are allowed and in some cases encouraged to grow up too quickly. I am a teacher and currently work with 7-8 year olds. I hear them regularly refer to other kids in the school that they "like". Small girls complain about being dumped. As for the way some of them turn up for school discos with little high heeled shoes and make-up on. I despair. Its no wonder that by the time they get to finishing high school they are in relationships with adults. Childhood is gone in a flash and not valued anymore.

Oldernotwiser

Am I the only cynic to think that this thread is a wind up?

liney

Blitz01 wrote: »

But the point is he has only just turned 16, and the relationship was obviously on when she was still legally a child. Surely you don't find that acceptable, regardless of how mature she perceives herself to be.

I know you have been seeing your boyfriend since you were 14 and he was 16 but now that he's 18 and you are 15, I won't allow it because you're a child and he's an adult..... really?

I know the OP hasn't said how old the relationship is, but that is a possibility.

Errata

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Am I the only cynic to think that this thread is a wind up?

Perhaps the OP is trawling for advice/info/support/help/whatever ?
He's certainly received it.

leckl

My daughter is 15, 16 in 4 weeks. She's been seeing her 18 year old boyfriend for a year and a half. He is about the same level maturity as her emotionally. My daughter is his first girlfriend ever he didn't even have a gf at school as he had some health problems and was not allowed out very much unsupervised.

I would rather know about him than her go behind my back at least that way i have some control over the situation and she doesn't have to lie to me.

Most of her friends boyfriends are 16 or 17 and they are no better than my daughters boyfriend despite them being younger and classed as children ! In fact most of them seem to think they have something to prove to the world.

It's not always as cut and dried as it seems, i never thought i would think this ten years ago but you live and learn.....

Jinx

I really believe that the only workable solution for the OP is to be fully supportive of her daughter. And if that means a little breathing space for them both then i think she should go for it. Maybe the OP could suggest text contact only for xx weeks then coffee, visit to the new flat etc?

IMO any other course of action will alienate the daughter and while there are crys of 'shes only a child' well she may or may not be, but she clearly has made an adult decision and followed an adult course of action calling a solicitor! She is certainly old enough to have strong feelings, make decisions and of course live with the outcome. The boyfriend will be a huge factor in this as shes probably in love with him and has her head slightly in the clouds (remember being 16? I do - though its 2 decades ago!). But we dont know he may be the love of her life and they may be together always (okay reality says prob not but lots of people do) If it all goes pear shaped she may run home and resent her mum not being supportive or she just may not come home....

Re the whole marriage thing - I think I put that in - sorry it pulled the thread off topic; Im in Scotland and its of course legal here at 16.

POPPYOSCAR

Has the OP mentioned his daughter's mum at all? I just wondered if she was anywhere in the picture.