16yo daughter has left home - worried sick!

leckl

Blitz01 wrote: »

Not without your guardian's permission you can't.
Why is everyone saying she is an adult....she is a bloody child!!!!

Only 2 years between them>>>????
She was a MINOR until a few weeks ago.

Sorry, and I don't want to be 'holier-than-though', but you let your daughter who until recently was a child, have a relationship with an adult, and stood by and watched.

As for the 'cash' reference, would you have been as happy to let this slide by you if the BF was on minimum wage in a factory?

Can you not see where this all went wrong, and the reasons behind it?

One the other hand, maybe I am looking at this as a Dad.
I would probably pay the boy a visit, and be reasonable...and if that didn't work, damage him

Have you ever tried to stop a head strong 16 year old girl doing anything at all ??

whitewing

Where I used to work, there was a really nice lad of 19 who was going out with a 16 year old. She wanted to wait and he respected that (he would have if he could have, but didn't put any pressure on her - well I only got his side of the story). He went to Uni and they said going out and he still waited until she was ready. It was and it wasn't a big age gap. I never met her but there's no reason to think that she was anything other than lovely, and he was such a sweetheart who could have gone out with girls his age or older. But he liked her and that was that.

nattyt

Just read through the posts and something has just hit me.........what about HIS parents? Yes hes 18 and all that but i wonder if they know about the situation? Yes she's 16 but the point is she is still a 'schoolgirl'. I think OP should go to the school as well. I was a vile teen from 14-17. Evil to my (couldn't have been lovelier) mum. People can point the finger at the OP but sometimes teens are just like that for no reason. I speak from how i was. She'll be back. I give her a month tops. x

Blitz01

As for the age difference with the boyfriend, don't be so absurd. 16 and 18 isn't a massive gap at all and she didn't suddenly become sexually mature on her 16th birthday making it suddenly acceptable to have an adult boyfriend. I'm not saying she is sexually mature now or was before I am saying you can't quantify a young person's rate of maturity, they all grow up at different rates.

That makes no sense at all.
I never said the gap was big. I said that the adult in the relationship, was with a MINOR. Surely you can see that difference?
Sorry, and I realise you were in a similar position, but you defending them is a very sad state of affairs.

Regardless of what you think, 16years old, unless you are a guerilla fighter in Mogadishu, is a child, and any parent should defend that to the hilt.

You obviously have very differing family values to me.

Mankysteve

Blitz01 wrote: »

Regardless of what you think, 16years old, unless you are a guerilla fighter in Mogadishu, is a child, and any parent should defend that to the hilt.

legally not any more and a minor can have relationship with a 18 as long as there no sex or abuse involved. Legally now she can move out, have sex and in some parts of the UK get married.

Blitz01 wrote: »

and if that didn't work, damage him

Guaranteed way to push daughter further away and land you up in jail.

I still haven't seen you offer any decent practical advice?

Zara77

Hi I read this through all the way-what im going to suggest will very probably get shot down but i have a feeling the boyfriend has a lot to answer for in this situation. Yes she is 16 but at that age she has not really got a handle on a relationship that is more beyond her current life experiences.
I suggest that you get in touch with the Citizens Advice Bureau and explain what has occurred.
Next get in touch with the School and speak to her tutor.
Lastly use the reverse approach,send that card.
If all else fails, then write her a letter and tell her to challenge her comfortable existence? Will the bf alls want her? plant the seed of if he really loved her why did he not make a real commitment to her? Marriage? He is just using her for fun and protecting is own wealth? Make it clear to her that the bf does not trust her enough or love enough to invite her into his home and life.
Really play this last bit carefully,my friend went through a similiar situation a few years ago and her mum used the last one.
After my friend got a letter from her mum,she went to bf and said why dont they get married. The bf then broke up with her!
Good luck
Zara

Frogletina

It is not true that you cannot get married at 16 without parental consent unless the laws have changed since I did

When my mother found I was pregnant at 16, she told me I could not see my boyfriend and that if I did i would have to go and live with him and his dad which I did. Her first choice was a termination which I knew I could not do

We applied to the courts for permission to get married and it was granted, and though my mother appeared she was not able to change the court's mind. In fact I felt sad for her at the time, as she was not able to speak much at all

I got married soon after, my Nana told me that my mum had told her not to go to my wedding or she would not speak to her again, but my Nana wished me all the best. My brother and uncle came to the wedding, which was a pretty poor affair

Once my little girl was born, we did speak again.The marriage lasted 18 months, but once I had left home, I felt what choice did I have? I think I knew before the wedding it was going to be a disaster, but having left home - I didn't know what else to do.

thatgirlsam

i also left home age 16..

my mum wasn't happy and she made me a Ward of Court.. which meant she still had some control over what i was doing.. well not her but the court could step in

thinking about it she was rather clever as she knew that kicking off about it would have lost me

i left home to live with a guy aswell.. and we stayed together for 7 years even though she told me it wouldn't last 6 months

ekkygirl

If I were you I think I would just "ride the storm" don't switch the CB but give it to her every month while she is awayIts meant for her anyway, At 16 we know everything there is to know about life, At 20 we know much less lol. Keep in contact with her meet up for coffee.
It sound like the BF is ok and from nice family (hence why he does not want to move out) Him being available to pay for the flat and thus, give your 16 year old a choice she wouldn't normally have is a bit of a bummer.
They are both very young and if she wants to try living on her own without rules there is not alot you can do, except play along. Stay friends.
I would ask for a meet with BF family but not to change anything, just to make them know you are not happy with the change and that they don't have to provide for her as you are happy to have her home again.
Dare I say enjoy the peace? Teenages eh? Bl**dy nightmare

Good luck

rozmister

Blitz01 wrote: »

That makes no sense at all.
I never said the gap was big. I said that the adult in the relationship, was with a MINOR. Surely you can see that difference?
Sorry, and I realise you were in a similar position, but you defending them is a very sad state of affairs.

Regardless of what you think, 16years old, unless you are a guerilla fighter in Mogadishu, is a child, and any parent should defend that to the hilt.

You obviously have very differing family values to me.

And what I'm saying is when you stop being a MINOR you don't suddenly become able to cope with everything. The age you become ready for things is personal and determined by you as an individual.

I don't think it is a sad state of affairs that I can empathise enough to understand that a 16 year old will go out with an 18 year old and, in the grand scheme of life, it's not that bigger deal. It happens all over the world and it has done for years and it doesn't lead to some complete meltdown of the moral fabric of society. If you said to me a NAIVE IMMATURE 16 year old and a WORLDLY MATURE 18 year old then yes I'd agree with you you need to protect your child. But it should be judged on a case by case basis depending on your child and their individual personality.

I think it's a real sad state of affairs that you can't recognise that each child is different and individual in their own right and you should judge and handle situations based on that rather than based on some hysterical moral panic about the number that denotes how many years they've been alive. I guess my values are different, I see people based on who they are rather than based on a label you feel they should wear ie. child which overrides anything else they have to say or their personality.