16yo daughter has left home - worried sick!

worried_dad1

Hi All,
I've been reading these forums for a long time, but this is my first post, and I hope someone can help!

My daughter turned 16 a couple of weeks ago, and although we have always had a healthy and happy relationship previously, we had a huge row because she wanted to go out to celebrate her birthday on a school night and I wouldn't allow it.
Following this row she became very quiet and withdrawn, until last week when I returned home from work to find a letter telling me that she had moved out and would contact me in a day or so.
She contacted me on Saturday, and told me that her boyfriend (just turned 18) had rented and furnished a flat for her, and that she wishes to live there and does not want to fall out with me, but would prefer minimal contact for the forseeable future.
Today I received a telephone call from a solicitor acting on behalf of my daughter and her boyfriend, - the call was to establish whether I would be prepared to transfer legal responsibility for my daughter to a third party, or whether I would contest this, and also if I would be prepared to transfer child benefit payments to a third party. I told the solicitor that this had all come as something of a shock to me and that I would contact him in due course to discuss.
The problem is that I feel my daughter is quite immature, though is very bright and doing extremely well at school, and this seems completely out of character for her. Can anyone tell me what my rights are?

nattyt

I can't offer you anything useful but my thoughts are with you and someone will come along soon with some more helpful advice. Do you think your daughter is being 'brainwashed' by her boyfriend? When i was 16 i was always leaving although it never got this far. Hopefully she will come round. I definitely think you should go to CAB to get some advice. Good luck and keep us posted. x

worried_dad1

nattyt wrote: »

Do you think your daughter is being 'brainwashed' by her boyfriend?

Thanks for the reply, - I don't think that my daughter is being "brainwashed" as such. I actually quite like the boyfriend, though he has a lot of money (we both bought a new car last year - his Porsche Cayenne cost 6 times as much as my Fiat, and he was only 17 at the time!!!), and I think this may be the problem, - without the boyfriend funding this there's no way my daughter could have moved out, but when her boyfriend has no problem renting and furnishing a flat for her, and supporting her, then it must have seemed like a very easy option.

podperson

Have to agree with Natty that it sounds like the boyfriend has a lot to do with this. We all fall out with our parents and threaten to live home at 16 but since we generally don't have anywhere else to go then we end up having to work things out. Sounds like boyfriend has taken this vague idea from her and gone extremely overboard. Who is the third party they are asking you to transfer child benefit to - the just turned 18 boyfriend?? Perhaps might be worth seeing your own solicitor - can get free half hours or drop ins at most places now.

Blitz01

So is the boyfriend from a rich family, or does he sell crack cocaine out of the back of the Porsche?

Also, maybe the money the BF has is clouding your judgement about him.
You state your daughter has only just turned 16, but he is 18....Do you find that reasonable seeing as how only 'a few weeks ago' she was a minor?

movilogo

Sorry OP, I can just offer you condolence.

A mother needs help of solicitor to resolve issue between herself and her 16-yr old daughter. Truely Britain is broken!

The boyfriend appears to be a spoilt brat (Porsche Cayenne at 17-yr, I guess insurance would be more then car's worth).

victor2

It really does sound a bit like your daughter has been brainwashed, especially regarding the transfer of responsibility and benefits. If she doesn't want to talk directly to you, maybe you can have a sensible discussion with her boyfriend? Be careful though, he'll inevitably look after his own interests.
Don't know the legal standpoint, but I would have thought with her being only 16, you'd be quite within your rights to refuse to sign anything over.

Not much consolation now, but within a few years, she'll have matured and all being well, will get closer to you. Your daughter and the boyfriend obviously have much to learn and actually living together may not turn out to be the bed of roses they imagined. It could work out, but it's important that you will be there for your daughter and that she knows she can turn to you if it all goes horribly wrong, without getting the "I told you so" approach.

Best of luck.

RAS

Hi

Once the child benefit is paid over to the BF, he can contact the CSA and demand 15% of your income to support your daughter.

There is a really heart-breaking thread on the Child Support forum on this by a dad whose daughter went to live with brown owl.

soupdragon10

At 16 your daughter is acting on impulse, thinking she is fleeing after the row. I would be interested to know how she is managing on her own in the flat, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. as I suspect she has not had to take full responsibility for these before.

I certainly wouldn't suggest signing anything until it is clear what you are being asked to sign and why. If you sign over CB and then she comes home then it would be difficult to get it back I suspect.

Is she still attending school etc? I feel you have a perfect right to find out if she is keeping up with her studies. Does she have a close friend who might be willing to act as a go between, just to reassure you that she is OK and open lines of communication.

It really does sound like one of those decisions that hasn't been fully thought through - although you are worried about the bf funding her, be thankful she isn't sleeping rough. I have worked with many young people who have resorted to this and it is a very hard life.

POPPYOSCAR

I would be very upset if this was to happen to me and personally I would do everything possible to hold onto legal responsibility of her until she is 18 as I feel it would be my duty as a parent to do so.

I do think not letting her out for one night to celebrate her 16th a bit harsh, perhaps this is indicative of your attitude toward her and just the tip of the iceberg with her.

I would try to get a meeting with her with others present where you could ask her why she wants to move out like this and to try and resolve your differences.Perhaps you could both compromise and ask her to stay with you until she finishes school and or turns 18.

Having said all that, if she is determined to leave I don't think there is anything you can do about it legally.

worried_dad1

So is the boyfriend from a rich family, or does he sell crack cocaine out of the back of the Porsche?

The boyfriend appears to be a spoilt brat

I don't have any concerns about where the boyfriend gets his cash from - his family owns a chain of main dealer car franchises, and he works as a sales manager - he's had a lot more opportunities than most teenagers, but does work extremely hard for his money - probably works at least double the hours I do.

A mother needs help of solicitor to resolve issue between herself and her 16-yr old daughter. Truely Britain is broken!

A father actually!

You state your daughter has only just turned 16, but he is 18....Do you find that reasonable seeing as how only 'a few weeks ago' she was a minor?

Ideally I would rather she was seeing someone her own age, but there's only 2 years between them in age, and the boyfriend has always been a very good influence on her - if she goes to visit him at work he always makes her take some homework so that she can do some in his office while she's there!