Desperate situation

minimoneysaver

Does he work for a UK company? If that is the case, you'll be able to get CSA payments reasonably easily. As others have said, ensure you have as much information as possible stored out of the house. You need his payslips, insurances, debts, assets, bank accounts etc. Photocopy as much as you can and leave it with a solicitor. My solicitor was more than willing to hold all copies for me while I was in the process of moving out and it made her job a lot easier in the long run.

whitewing

He hit your 13 year old daughter. Protect her. I understand that it's difficult but she needs to know that she is safe at home. Protect her.

meritaten

the OP may not want to stay in that house! I can understand that. It would be a house of unhappy memories and if she wants to start afresh then moving out would be best. also the house may be too large for her to manage on the money she would get after she throws him out - if he is earning megabucks the chances are that he would get a barrister who will screw them over. just look at a couple of threads on here!
her plan to get out is the way she is thinking and the way she probably instinctively knows will be best for her! either way its up to the OP!

pupsicola

I can fully appreciate your view meritaten. She wouldn't have to stay in the house forever. If she reported him to the police and was in the house just with the kids for a short while, she could make future plans carefully and not be living in fear. Or be subject to anymore abuse or possible violence.

meritaten

you are right pupsicola - but the OP may think that going through all that is adding more stress! there may also be things we dont know about - the house may not be in joint names which complicates matters. also he would know exactly where they are and she may not want that. I dont know - I get the feeling that there are a lot of things going on here that the OP hasnt told us. I have given her the best advice I feel is appropriate to HER situation. I did forget however, to tell her to see a divorce solicitor before she moves out! stupid of me! doh!!!

bertiebots

Have you thaught about getting legal advice regarding your situation. You will probably be able to get a free consultation with a solicitor where you can outline your concerns. Because you have been married for a long time and are financially reliant on your oh , your future without him may not be as bleak as you think (and tbh its pretty bleak for you all now).
You and your children have rights and you should not be putting up with this mans awful behaviour. Having recentley got out of a very long and unhappy marriage (with 3 children) I know how hard it is to make that choice....but you do have a choice.
Whatever you do do not allow him to hit any one of you ever again.
Take care .

gizmo111

pupsicola wrote: »

This is true. If social services knew of this abuse they would tell you to leave him or risk having the children taken into care.

Sort of - seperation or counselling if the relationship were to continue would be on the cards, emotional abuse is very hard to evidence in court and before the children were taken into care there would be a series of child protection conferences. One incident of physical chastisement would not be enough to get a court to agree to removal of the child. Although of course if police attended an incident they may decide to remove the children on a police protection order. What SS would be looking for is the mother to prove she can protect the children.

pupsicola

If you dont want to go to the police yet, but need help being put into contact with the agencies that can help, you could speak with the head at your childs school. Headteachers unfortunately do come into contact with this situation often and know who to contact. They could also then offer your children support and counselling if it is needed. You all deserve help.

I hope you are ok op. It must be so frightening for you all right now. I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do next.

Nottoobadyet

What a brave young woman you've raised. Your oldest knows what needs to be done - don't let her down.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

OP if you are getting ready to go, never call anyone that is helping you and have contact with you after you leave from the house phone. BT bill will have the numbers on all he has to do is call them or yell.com them.

get yourself a payandgo mobile, hide it when you need to use it be brief, and switch it off, tell those who are going to help TXT it.

even the PC, dont save documents, and delete browser history everytime you use it.

cover yourself at every turn.

take every document you need and beem advised to photocopy and put straight back as was regarding his accounts etc.

does he give you his card to get him cash out? tells you to get him x amount? double it put the extra in your shoes if he takes you to get it out, does he let you have it to go shopping get cash back etc, stash that cash in your daughters account away from the house so he doesnt accidentally find it looking for his socks.