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Desperate situation
999xxx
Posts: 2 Newbie
Hello,
I would really like some advice. Please be as brutally honest as you like.
We are a family of four - mother and three children (21, 13, 15) living in an awful situation caused by one person. This person has recently got worse, although they have always treated us badly and flip out over the tiniest of things.
He kicks up about literally anything, and he is frightening when angry. In recent months he has hit one of the children and said he will do it again if she steps out of line - even though all she did was ask if she could phone her friend.
We live like paupers - no holidays, freezing cold in the winter, and still he complains that we cost him too much. Whenever the bills come in he stomps around like a madman, turning everything off. Before you ask he earns a colossal salary and does not have any debts, so it is not as though we need to live like this.
The problem is that the person is the breadwinner so that keeps us here. The fear of going it alone after so many years. I am a housewife and eldest is seeking work but we have enough savings to rent somewhere for at least 12-months (I think), giving us time to hopefully find employment and sort ourselves out.
To be honest I'm not even sure how the renting situation works or if we will even be able to rent somewhere while both of us are unemployed.
I'm writing this now as I know that the bills are due soon and I dread it. There's an awful atmosphere in the house and noone ever speaks. The children hate him and I hate him. He will never admit that he is in the wrong or that he is a hypocrite with double standards. What tends to happen is there's an argument, we threaten to leave, and then a few days later we start speaking again and pretend that nothing has happened, until the next time.
I really don't know what to do for the best. I can't bear the thought of spending the rest of my days with this person and do not think this person will ever change, no matter what they say. I've thought so many times about just packing a bag and leaving, but it's not that easy is it?
I would really like some advice. Please be as brutally honest as you like.
We are a family of four - mother and three children (21, 13, 15) living in an awful situation caused by one person. This person has recently got worse, although they have always treated us badly and flip out over the tiniest of things.
He kicks up about literally anything, and he is frightening when angry. In recent months he has hit one of the children and said he will do it again if she steps out of line - even though all she did was ask if she could phone her friend.
We live like paupers - no holidays, freezing cold in the winter, and still he complains that we cost him too much. Whenever the bills come in he stomps around like a madman, turning everything off. Before you ask he earns a colossal salary and does not have any debts, so it is not as though we need to live like this.
The problem is that the person is the breadwinner so that keeps us here. The fear of going it alone after so many years. I am a housewife and eldest is seeking work but we have enough savings to rent somewhere for at least 12-months (I think), giving us time to hopefully find employment and sort ourselves out.
To be honest I'm not even sure how the renting situation works or if we will even be able to rent somewhere while both of us are unemployed.
I'm writing this now as I know that the bills are due soon and I dread it. There's an awful atmosphere in the house and noone ever speaks. The children hate him and I hate him. He will never admit that he is in the wrong or that he is a hypocrite with double standards. What tends to happen is there's an argument, we threaten to leave, and then a few days later we start speaking again and pretend that nothing has happened, until the next time.
I really don't know what to do for the best. I can't bear the thought of spending the rest of my days with this person and do not think this person will ever change, no matter what they say. I've thought so many times about just packing a bag and leaving, but it's not that easy is it?
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Comments
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He hit your child. Money doesn't mean jack sh#t.
Pack your bags. Pack the kids bags. Leave the house. Go to the police. File a report. Speak to the specialist officer who deals with such cases. Move on with your life. The police are used to dealing with domestic violence cases. They can find you somewhere to stay.0 -
Sorry to hear about your situation.
Can I assume this man is your partner? Is he the kids' father?
And totally agree with Tropez - he hit your child. Get out. You WILL survive. Plenty do. And to be honest, it doesn't sound like you're really living right now. Far better to be poor and safe and happy together, than poor, cold and living in fear of a control freak. (You asked for brutal honesty...!)
KiKi' <-- See that? It's called an apostrophe. It does not mean "hey, look out, here comes an S".0 -
If your friend said this to you what would you say to them?
You need to get out ASAP.0 -
When you open the forum on this section there is a sticky re domestic violence. Have a look at that, I believe it has lots of information.
You and your children do not deserve to have to live like this. Get some advice, get a plan if you cant do it right this minute and leave him. I dont see any alternative. Everyone is entitled to a life without threat of violence and mental abuse....Light Bulb Moment - 11th Nov 2004 - Debt Free Day - 25th Mar 2011 :j0 -
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If one of your children told you this was happening to them and it was your grandchild that had been hit, what would your advice be?
Your child needs you to show right from wrong.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
Hitting a child = child abuse. Contact the police, no ifs buts or maybe's.
You do not need to tolerate this situation a moment longer, he's using the fact that he's the one earning to brainwash you into putting up with his intolerable behaviour.
I hope that you manage to sort this out, and that you and your children find a better life for yourselves. Once you are in a safe place there are plenty of support organisations that can help you get on your feet financially.
I wish you the very best of luck.0 -
If you continue to endure living like this it could destroy the trust between you and your children. You don't deserve to live like this and your children certainly do not.
Get some money together, make an escape-plan and get the hell out of there! If you've got enough for six months rent in advance it should be simple for you to then go on to claim LHA for yourself and the two children under 21. Start putting essential documents in a safe place out of the house like passports, birth certificates, child benefit etcetera.0 -
Just to add that whilst undoubtedly saving cash is helpful, you don't have to wait 6 months. You can get help from the links that have been posted, including financial help. Get yourself out.
KiKi' <-- See that? It's called an apostrophe. It does not mean "hey, look out, here comes an S".0
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