My Friend

McCuddly

Hey everyone

(Please don't move this to the arms, it'll get totally destroyed down there)

My friend who I used to see every week, If I was back home he would pop round to mine for a coffee or would come up to me when I was at uni, has recently become very distant. Looking at him he looks very withdrawn, He recently started another job (he has had a few jobs since october through an agency) so I assumed maybe its work related stress. On new years eve another friend asked him what he was upto for New Years eve and he replied "Nothing same as any other year" I asked if he wanted come round to mine as I was staying in, He declined.

This got me thinking, He usually is never this withdrawn or depressed. I assumed it was the job but it spread to other things, He usually texts me to chat or calls but recently (since new year) nothing, None of our mutural friends have heard nothing. So the other day I popped round to see him, He looked really down and more withdrawn, I asked what was up. He kept saying nothing and not to worry about him. I assumed it could have been money worries with a new job and everything, So I asked if everything was fine and I could help him out with a little loan until he got back on his feet and started getting a steady wage, He said he was fine and he was enjoying learning the value of a pound.

Later on that day, I got a facebook message off him saying "Please don't hate me, Are we ok? Im sorry don't hate me". I replied saying I don't hate him and I'm just wanting to help.

How can I get him to talk? or open up? I know something is wrong. I've tried the direct approach but it isn't working, Is there anything I can do to get him to open up so I can help?

gazebo

withdrawn and then asking not to be hated?

my mind is thinking what is this friend now on? may have the wrong end of the stick completely, but isn't it a few of the 'classic symptoms' of drug use?

McCuddly

gazebo wrote: »

withdrawn and then asking not to be hated?

my mind is thinking what is this friend now on? may have the wrong end of the stick completely, but isn't it a few of the 'classic symptoms' of drug use?

I don't think he uses, He hardly goes out and it completely tee-total. I'll even go as far as saying he is a loner.

VfM4meplse

I wonder if he is rather fond of you but too scared to say? Is there a mutual friend who may be able to help?

gazebo

could be more just stress related and worries over money etc what with moving jobs.

I'm not sure how you can force someone to talk if they are so withdrawn though - you just have to make yourself available to them to talk to when they are ready, rather than the direct approach (which has possibly scared them resulting in the facebook message?)

pupsicola

Could it be that he isn't well and doesn't know how to tell anyone. Sometimes if we are seriously ill it can throw us into a deep depression and we have trouble facing it ourselves. Hope its not this.

Or could he maybe be grieiving. How well do you know his family. Maybe someone has passed on and he is trying to cope with it.

Sorry this post is depressive I just cant think why he may be acting so oddly.

All you can really do is let him know you are there for him no matter what and say he can contact you anytime if he needs to talk.

McCuddly

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I wonder if he is rather fond of you but too scared to say? Is there a mutual friend who may be able to help?

Theres a few, But he is being equally quiet to them, How would I even ask one to see if this is the case?

gazebo

try the direct approach with your mutual friends? you already tried the direct approach with this guy?

DVardysShadow

McCuddly wrote: »

Hey everyone

(Please don't move this to the arms, it'll get totally destroyed down there)

Agree. Put a little money saving question in there like "And any moneysaving advice on this one?" Should be enough to remove the usual justification for an inappropriate move.

McCuddly

I could but I'm still a little whoa that he could like me in that way

I think that'll be best

McCuddly

I am thinking its money to be honest, He has a new job, I'm scared he is running up credit cards or something. Is there any tell tale signs he is in financial trouble?