Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites?



  • A lot of venues do not have a large enough capacity to invite everyone to the ceremony - a lot of churches obviously have quite a large capacity, but if you're not getting married in church then you will find that the larger the capacity the more expensive the venue hire. If you get married in a registry office you will be lucky to seat 60 people. A lot of couples like the idea of a more intimate ceremony and meal, so that they have the time to actually talk to the people they are closest to after the ceremony. I would not want a very large ceremony and reception because it would be filled with people I and/or my H2B would barely know, such as plus 1s who we haven't had the chance to get to know, and cousins who we are not close to and hardly see, and would then feel very impersonal.

    I don't understand why people take such offence at the idea of an evening guest list - it simply accepts that the bride and groom a) do not have a limitless capacity for the ceremony, and b) cannot possibly be close to such a large number of people. I have been an evening guest on several occasions, and was simply happy to be invited at all! I am not so arrogant as to think that I am a very important person in the life of everyone I know - with some people I am simply an acquaintance, with others I am a very close friend. I would not expect to be invited to the wedding of an acqaintance, so if I were invited as an evening guest I would take it as an honour that they want me there to celebrate with them.
    :heart::heart::heart: Marrying my lovely man on 1st September 2012 :heart::heart::heart:

    The right to express an opinion does not override the responsibility to show respect. :)
  • streatley wrote: »
    I am amazed by the number of replies that assume that there is an "evening list" and an "all day list". This is not mentioned in the original post! I would think that an invitation is to the wedding and the reception. If I were to be invited for the evening only, I would wonder why I was not good enough to witness the ceremony. Perhaps this is the problem for most people: a wedding is an excus for a good party, not an important ceremony. Invite as many guests to the ceremony as you wish, but then limit the reception. Of course if one doesn't have the evening session, one is in a position to intive more to the reception if space allows.

    For those who have two lists: cut out the second list and have alarger first list.

    As the Australian person says, it produces second class citizens.

    Well if it is church wedding anyone can go to the ceremony, and invitations normally are to the ceremony and the full reception or to the ceremony and evening do. I've been to both the whole thing and to the ceremony and evening and it has been fine.

    But with civil ceremonies the capacity of the venue is often very limiting, often it is the capacity for the ceremony that is the limiting factor more than the capacity for the meal. If you only have a room to seat 50 people for your ceremony does that mean that you should not be able to celebrate with a larger number of guests? It is virtually impossible to find civil ceremony venues with a capacity similar to an average church.
  • It would be fine to send late invitations, but you don't need to spell out that they weren't on your A list. They may not even realise and if they're uncharitable enough to feel aggrieved, they'll probably refuse and you can ask someone else!

    Incidentally, we avoided this problem by having a stand-up canape buffet reception so that we could invite everyone (about 120), then having a sit-down meal in the evening for close family only (40). The only problem with this set-up is that you need a substantial break between the reception and the evening meal so that people don't feel they're being ushered out.
  • As the invitations haven't gone out yet nobody has actually been invited. Just alter the list of available people you are going to invite and then stick to it.
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