Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites?

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  • LindaLondon
    LindaLondon Posts: 4 Newbie
    edited 26 January 2011 at 8:23PM
    I personally find the way weddings in the UK conducted are strange. In Australia you invite the ones you want to the wedding, there is not a separate list, you come to the whole wedding, and you sorry you are just not good enough for the wedding so please just come to the evening so there is no chance of an upgrade! (the cheek!). Either you want people at your wedding, the full day or not, that's the way I see it. If you can't afford it that's fine, do the people who go to the evening also have to buy a present?

    I have yet to be invited to an evening part of the reception, if i was I personally wouldn't go, I wouldn't be offended, but if i am not considered close enough for the whole day - then why bother with an evening, wouldn't really get to speak to the bride and groom anyway!

    Now, when i get married - it will be just me and my partner on a beach somewhere and we will have a party to celebrate on our return. My family is just too big and weddings are just too expensive!!
  • Middlestitch
    Middlestitch Posts: 1,486 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Perhaps I wouldn't use quite that phraseology, but ever heard the maxim: 'Those who mind don't matter - and those who matter don't mind' ?

    Go ahead and ask! Real friends understand.
  • Absolutely ok to do this. In fact doesn't everyone? You think oh it will be a small wedding with just family and best friend (his n hers). But how far into the family tree do you go? Now as more and more step and half siblings are around, people live longer generally and X must come if Y is invited...etcetc You could end up with the largest venue and still find you missed out your best pal when you were 5yr old that you haven't seen since then until two weeks ago or similar.

    True friends will know that you have had to invite certain people like gran and grandad, your pervy uncle and people who invited you to their wedding. Most of guest lists in mho are eticate (or one upmanship) rather than who you would really like to party with. That is what the "do " afterwards is for! Word it tactfully but everyone knows the rules. Remember now why we just shacked up together!!!
  • tallgirld
    tallgirld Posts: 484 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    I wouldn't say anything.

    I would just send out a second wave of invites and if anyone says
    "Gosh I ONLY just received your invite I thought you sent them out a few weeks ago"

    Your reply could be "ARE YOU SERIOUS? Royal Mail aint what they used to be" :-)
  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Posts: 24,749 Forumite
    First Post Photogenic First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I personally find the way weddings in the UK conducted are strange. In Australia you invite the ones you want to the wedding, there is not a separate list, you come to the whole wedding, and you sorry you are just not good enough for the wedding so please just come to the evening so there is no chance of an upgrade! (the cheek!). Either you want people at your wedding, the full day or not, that's the way I see it. If you can't afford it that's fine, do the people who go to the evening also have to buy a present?

    I have yet to be invited to an evening part of the reception, if i was I personally wouldn't go, I wouldn't be offended, but if i am not considered close enough for the whole day - then why bother with an evening, wouldn't really get to speak to the bride and groom anyway!

    Now, when i get married - it will be just me and my partner on a beach somewhere and we will have a party to celebrate on our return. My family is just too big and weddings are just too expensive!!

    And that's why some people in the UK have a day guest list and and evening guest list!

    They want to include all their nearest and dearest in some way or another and if it's not affordable to have everyone there for the day, they have some for the evening.

    Nothing wrong with that. I've been to all day weddings and I've just been to evening receptions too.

    It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm just grateful that they thought of me in the first place!
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • Thanks to everyone who commented (well, most of you anyway...!) and don't worry, I wasn't going to actually use the phrase I used in the question and will be VERY tactful.
    I think honesty is the best policy- timing will be an issue because the main reason some of the guests may pull out is because they're very frail and elderly and although they want to come, until a few days before the event, they won't know whether they'll be well enough.
    Thanks for all the ideas about the lovely ways to phrase it and for the good wishes. :T
  • It's more acceptable to invite at the last minute than it is for people to just not turn up. My sister and her DH had to leave people out of their wedding party as the hall couldn't hold enough of them. In the end, 40 people weren't there for the evening and left before the food was ready. This meant that there was so much left over and they could have invited more people. When she mentioned it to a few of those she'd had to leave out, they said that one phone call and they'd've put their dancing shoes on!!

    It really is all in how it's said to them, so go for it. Don't lose all the money you paid and have a brilliant day.
    :j I'm not supposed to be normal, I'm supposed to be me:j
    :dance: Quidco cash back since May 2010 ~ more than £83.13 :dance:
    Must remember to use it more, but every little helps
  • ayayay
    ayayay Posts: 97 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    "You've not replied to the invitation"
    "What invitation?"
    "Damn the Royal Mail"
  • baxy
    baxy Posts: 50 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    I certainly would. As parents of the bride we took the trouble to add reply slips with the invites that had a please reply by date on them. People only needed to cross out a couple of words i.e. we will/will not be able to attend etc and pop them in an envelope. but we were suprised how many people just gave a yes on the bride or grooms facebook page or that we had to chase up. Then on the actual day were even more suprised by how many people failed to attend the evening 'do' despite finally replying that they would attend. I thought this was very rude and if we had known they were not coming we would have been able to invite others.
    Whatever you do I hope you have a lovely day.:T
  • PhylPho wrote: »
    Well if a message using the form of wording quoted in the question was to be sent out, no. It's not all right. Actually, it's bonkers.

    An alternative form of wording ought to be found, something along the lines of:

    "We're delighted to invite you round to our flat party / house party in celebration of us getting our first home. Yay!!

    "Yes, it was a shame we couldn't put on an expensive wedding day for family and friends, but by saving on that we've been able to avoid every blasted BTL landlord around.

    "We also appreciate your generosity, and that of everyone else, in sending us a sum equivalent to what you would have spent on a wedding present (and the expense of travelling so many miles from your home to where our wedding would've been had we been darft enough to have one.)

    "We very much look forward to seeing you all at our place, just let us know which of the following evenings suit (tick one out of the 15 listed) as we can only accommodate a dozen at a time. Also, bring a duvet if you'd like to sleep overnight in the lounge."

    There. That's better, really. :)

    That's really not better, at all.

    Can I just say there is absolutely NO WAY I would spend more than a few quid on a moving-in/ new home present, let alone anywhere near what I spend on wedding gifts. If I ever received an invite like this that assumed I would, I certainly wouldn't be attending their party. Talk about begging!
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