Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites?

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  • I think it's absolutely fine. I've been upgraded on the day before - the bride came up to me and said "we'd really wanted you to be here for the whole day but we didn't have the space. Someone has pulled out so we'd love you to join us". I felt privileged.

    A couple of years ago another friend sent a message to a few of us saying "you were always on my A-list but because of family and space commitments I was very sad not to be able to invite you for the whole day. Now some people have pulled out I can invite my closest friends after all! I really hope you can come but if you've already made other plans for the afternoon I more than understand.

    Again, I was honoured, not offended. In my opinion those who get offended need their heads examining!
  • Seakay
    Seakay Posts: 4,265 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I think that it's pretty standard these days to have an A and a B list so unless it really gets to a couple of weeks before the date I don't see there's andy need to say anything - get the A list invites out and specify RSVP by a certain time, then send out the B list invites. Certainly wouldn't say straight out that you don't want to waste a meal so would you like to eat it? But if it turns out that you are asking with only days to go I would emphasise size of venue, last minute decline from relative, now YOU can be invited as we'd have liked to have done from the start.
  • dalore
    dalore Posts: 54 Forumite
    Why don't you do what the airlines do and overbook :) Some people are bound not to turn up.
  • floss2
    floss2 Posts: 8,030 Forumite
    We did this, and were able to include some friends into the day who had been "evening only" - they were very pleased, and really enjoyed themselves.
  • My nan did this for her 80th birthday party before Christmas... we have a large family and the venue could only hold 90 people so she had an 'initial list' and a 'reserve list' and when people only the initial list couldn't make it, she started inviting people on the reserve list.

    No-one was offended as she told everyone from the start how it would be. I think people respect honesty and most should understand that certain people have priority invites.
  • We actually did this at our wedding, you have to be very diplomatic and we were very worried about it, but the people we invited were absolutely fine with it. If the ball was on the other foot, I must say I'd be perfectly fine with it as well, better to be invited at last minute than not at all!
    Mortgage £120K, monthly overpayment £600, 18 years and £100K saved
  • LameWolf
    LameWolf Posts: 11,234 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    dalore wrote: »
    Why don't you do what the airlines do and overbook :) Some people are bound not to turn up.
    But you can bet your boots, if you assume someone won't come, everyone will. S0d's law!:D

    We invited a couple at the last minute, after we finally prized the information out of SiL2 that she and her hubby couldn't be bothered (don't get me started about people who don't RSVP).

    We just didn't tell the new couple they were "B list" so to speak, and as far as I know, they didn't guess.:o

    As others have said, it's all in how you word it.:o
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.;)
  • I agree that they shouldn't be offended - but don't bring money into it!!!
  • laura2481
    laura2481 Posts: 4,305 Forumite
    Combo Breaker First Post
    I think it's fairly normal to either upgrade people from 'evening do' to 'day do' if anyone drops out and you have confirmed numbers already. It's decidedly un-MSE to pay for a meal and not have anyone eat it. :)
  • JayD
    JayD Posts: 698 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    First, a personal call to those 'unable to attend' people would be wise to ensure that their no can do is absolutely definite - just in case something changes and they contact you to say a 'guess what? We CAN come now'

    Then and only then, when you are 100% sure of the number of spaces you have left to fill, should you contact those lucky last minute few and invite them along. You will need to phrase it in a pleasant way - like, "We are very pleased to say that we have been able make room for a few extra people at the reception and you are most definitely someone we would really like to come." etc

    Dear friends are usually very accommodating and very understanding.

    Have a wonderful day.
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