Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites?

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  • Dekazer
    Dekazer Posts: 452 Forumite
    I've been the recipient of both last minutes 'upgrades' and very late invitations to evening receptions. I've always been pleased and happy to attend if I can.

    If in duobt (and if numbers permit) a good way of doing it might be to telephone rather than posting an invite. That way you'll get an immediate response, and can send out paper invites (with address etc) if they can make it. And you can explain kindly why they weren't included in the first round of invites (big family, tight budget etc).
  • simone10
    simone10 Posts: 1,089 Forumite
    First Anniversary Photogenic
    Its a priviledge to be invited to a wedding and not a right. I do think you should be upfront about it and say someone has dropped out there is now availability. My husband and I were invited to a wedding last summer which we hadn't originally been invited too. Some of the grooms family were messing them about. Great for us we had a fab time and not at all offended at not being on the original day time list.
    The end is nigh
  • It is fine to do it. If I were you I'd send your daytime invites out quite early, maybe eight weeks rather than the usual 6, then if you get declines you can send out "second round invites" quickly with the and the guest need never know.

    If it is less than a months notice, or if you have already sent an evening invite to the guest you want to bump up then give them a call to explain.

    I had a couple reply yes, and then have to drop out, so I called a couple of friends I'd only invited to the evening and they were really pleased to be bumped up. Just make sure you say that you had limited numbers in the first place and wanted them to come to the daytime but just hadn't got space. Most people will understand that you normally have space for 50 people but 60 you want to invite and that inevitably elderly aunties and the like take precedence! If possible make your reserves newly weds or engaged couples as they will understand the dilema better than most!
  • cannyscot_2
    cannyscot_2 Posts: 1,040 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    If your invites have not yet gone out , can you not add a small slip of typed paper to each invite saying can you e-mail or call asap if you know you can't make it as you were the chosen few and we would have liked to invite more etc etc -maybe worded better!
  • I think it's absolutely fine. I've been upgraded on the day before - the bride came up to me and said "we'd really wanted you to be here for the whole day but we didn't have the space. Someone has pulled out so we'd love you to join us". I felt privileged.

    A couple of years ago another friend sent a message to a few of us saying "you were always on my A-list but because of family and space commitments I was very sad not to be able to invite you for the whole day. Now some people have pulled out I can invite my closest friends after all! I really hope you can come but if you've already made other plans for the afternoon I more than understand.

    Again, I was honoured, not offended. In my opinion those who get offended need their heads examining!

    That wording is inspired!
  • aliasojo
    aliasojo Posts: 23,053 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I think people would have a hard neck if they took any kind of offence from this tbh. Most people would completely understand and just be glad of the chance to attend after all.
    Herman - MP for all! :)
  • PhylPho
    PhylPho Posts: 1,443 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Well if a message using the form of wording quoted in the question was to be sent out, no. It's not all right. Actually, it's bonkers.

    An alternative form of wording ought to be found, something along the lines of:

    "We're delighted to invite you round to our flat party / house party in celebration of us getting our first home. Yay!!

    "Yes, it was a shame we couldn't put on an expensive wedding day for family and friends, but by saving on that we've been able to avoid every blasted BTL landlord around.

    "We also appreciate your generosity, and that of everyone else, in sending us a sum equivalent to what you would have spent on a wedding present (and the expense of travelling so many miles from your home to where our wedding would've been had we been darft enough to have one.)

    "We very much look forward to seeing you all at our place, just let us know which of the following evenings suit (tick one out of the 15 listed) as we can only accommodate a dozen at a time. Also, bring a duvet if you'd like to sleep overnight in the lounge."


    There. That's better, really. :)
  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Posts: 24,749 Forumite
    First Post Photogenic First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    PhylPho wrote: »
    Well if a message using the form of wording quoted in the question was to be sent out, no. It's not all right. Actually, it's bonkers.

    An alternative form of wording ought to be found, something along the lines of:

    "We're delighted to invite you round to our flat party / house party in celebration of us getting our first home. Yay!!

    "Yes, it was a shame we couldn't put on an expensive wedding day for family and friends, but by saving on that we've been able to avoid every blasted BTL landlord around.

    "We also appreciate your generosity, and that of everyone else, in sending us a sum equivalent to what you would have spent on a wedding present (and the expense of travelling so many miles from your home to where our wedding would've been had we been darft enough to have one.)

    "We very much look forward to seeing you all at our place, just let us know which of the following evenings suit (tick one out of the 15 listed) as we can only accommodate a dozen at a time. Also, bring a duvet if you'd like to sleep overnight in the lounge."

    There. That's better, really. :)

    What's any of that got to do with the OP's question? :huh:
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • I did this for the "English Wedding" of my son and his bride, who had married in Bangkok two years earlier (followed by visa problems). We had finite place settings for 100, and as soon as anyone let me know they couldn't come, I quickly moved on to other good friends there had not been room for. Even at the last minute I said to someone "I've really wanted to invite you but it was impossible at the time, PLEASE will you join us?" Not only did she come, she helped enormously with everything that needed doing and was an absolute star. Go for it, but word it carefully.
  • shellsuit wrote: »
    What's any of that got to do with the OP's question? :huh:

    (S)he's a silly little troll who thinks they've been ever so very clever in pointing out that weddings cost money, and that people should therefore not get married.

    Ignore!

    x
    :heart::heart::heart: Marrying my lovely man on 1st September 2012 :heart::heart::heart:
    :love:

    The right to express an opinion does not override the responsibility to show respect. :)
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