Living with your boyfriend/girlfriend...

rozmister

Thanks everyone for your responses! I didn't expect so many!

The one's who seemed to ask questions here are my replies...

Tattycath - I think I'm a commitmentphobe because of various childhood issues (what a cliche!) and also because I used to almost deliberately go for terrible boyfriends. I lived with one for 4 months which was the worst 4 months of my life and ever since have been very particular about my own space and keeping a clear distance with boyfriends because I don't trust them. My current boyfriend is the first one to really overcome this, I really do trust him and love him and I even tell him stuff like that.

jcr16 - The one is quite a big thing but he is like the other half of me. He's my best friend and I love spending time with him, he really completes me and I think I do him. We both just seem to bring out the best in each other and despite being quite different everyone says we complement each other and I agree with that.

LilacPixie- My houseshare ending isn't why I want to move in with him if I could move out any other time of year and move in with him and we'd been together longer than we have now I would. However I live with two other girls who are wonderful, one of which is already planning to move in with her bf, and we made a pact that we would stay in the house til September because it's the most convenient moving out time for everyone. As I have to move then that would be the best time to move, I wouldn't move before just because I wanted to live with him and let my friends down.

Pee- We are both in a good position to afford rent and have a back up. I have lots of friends nearby I can go to and his parents live in this city and have a room for him there always so we could always take a time out. We do already talk about 'when we live together' but in a vague kind of way. Like he says 'when we live together we're get a kingsize bed because you're too warm' and little things like that. The idea is definitely there. It's quite hard to gauge though because his brother who he looks up to didn't live with his gf for 5 years and our friends moved in after a year and have quite an. explosive relationship at times. I would like to get married one day but he isn't sure and we're much too young to be focusing on that yet. I wouldn't want to marry someone I hadn't lived with anyway so moving in is, to me, a few steps before engagement and marriage.


He is already round my house at least half the week and when we have working schedules that fit together or holiday we spend more or less every day and night together. He does housework in my house for me sometimes (I don't ask!) and I cook tea for him and do little bits for him already. I think living together would be an extension of that, like now except he wouldn't go home and we wouldn't be sharing a tiny attic room in a shared house!

dreamdreamer

I was about to ask how much time you spend together now but you've just answered it. If you're already spending most of the week "living together" then it won't be such a leap. I moved in with my boyfriend after 18 months, but for the last 6 months we'd barely spent a night apart, just trundled back and forth between each other's places! It was a waste of money and time, so when my 2 housemates both decided to go separate ways we seized the opportunity! Honestly I don't notice much difference in terms of personal space, and we argue LESS about house-stuff because it's just us, there's not housemates to contend with (one of mine was a nightmare and OH was not as tolerant as I was!).

For the record, I was very similar, BAD earlier experience with living with a boyfriend (that left me with a house and £16k of debt!) and had been VERY much about my personal space until my met my current partner. Now I can't imagine being apart from him. You and only you, know if it's right for you. If it is, GO FOR IT!

Sid_Wolf

Make sure your relationship is strong enough 1st. Its totally different when your living with each other.

When you live apart you have time to yourself, you can keep your place how you want it, whats yours stays yours etc. When you move in your constantly on top of each other, both of your negative points and bad habits become apparent. And you no longer have 'your stuff' and 'his stuff'

If the relationship isnt strong enough to cope then you will have the added problems of shared rent and utilities.

I moved in with my OH after 2 years, still here, got 2 dogs together etc etc. Have had a couple of rough points but we came thru it.

stepharoo

I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) after 5 weeks. This was getting on for 5 years ago and in that time, we've rented, bought a flat, had a baby, got married, and now I'm about to have our second baby.

It's worked very well for us.

Good luck with whatever you decide, OP.

winnie81

Only you will know for sure if its right for you and I don't believe there is a time thats too soon as everyone is different My hubby and I moved in together after a couple of months and we've been together 11years or so now so it can work if the relationship moves quickly

chewmylegoff

quite a lot of people move in with their other halves when a house share / tenancy comes to an end - it's pretty common in my experience. in fact, i did it myself, having nowhere to live after the end of a tenancy concentrates the mind and forces you to think about what you want to do next and make decisions that perhaps you would put off otherwise. don't think there's anything particularly wrong with that.

kochi1

I remember an ex of mine asking me to move in with him after 3 months, I said no only because my rent is pretty good and wouldn't get another one like it, he was upset so I ended up spending half the week there and rest at mine. Good job as 3 months later he got posted overseas! Think it was a wise choice at the time - but it does depend on the couple. Split up 3 years later (distance/jobs meant it didn't work for us) but I've still got my cheap flat. Reading this everything seems to happen in 3's for me - hmmmm that's something to remember!

jackomdj

As a lot of people said there is no "right" time to fit all.

I met OH when I was visiting family 75 miles from where I lived, he was at his Mums for the weekend & had gone out with some old friends, we met in a club. 2 weekends later he came to visit me & stayed the night (nothing happened!), the following weekend he came to visit again & the weekend after that he was moving to my area (he was in the services). He was planning on staying at mine for the weekend then going to his accomodation on the Monday - he never made it! That was 15 years ago now!

It felt right with him from day one. I was not looking for anyone at the time (had split from my ex a year previously & was still off men!)

Good luck with whatever you decide.

sarahlou89

If it feels right do it, only you will know if it is right or not.
Me and my fiancee moved in together when we were about 19 and it felt right, and tbh was the best decision we ever made

Errata

OP if in your first post you'd said you loved him to the ends of the earth and that's why you wanted to live with him, that would be a good reason. You don't say that, your post indicates you would like to move in with him because it would be convenient for you. That's not the basic building block of co-habitation, it's using someone for your own ends.