Living with your boyfriend/girlfriend...

rozmister

I'm hoping that some of the people on here already live with their boyfriends/girlfriends and can advise me about it.

I haven't been with my boyfriend for that long (4 months) and it's quite far away yet but in September I have to move out of my current shared house and I'm thinking of, much closer to the time, asking my boyfriend if he wants to get a flat together. We'll have been together for a year by that point, is it too soon?

I know it's a very tragic reason to want to live with him but he is my most favourite person in the world so it would be lovely and it would save us both money compared to paying for shared houses because we'd only need a 1 bed flat (£500 - £550) compared to two rooms in different houses (600+).

How do you know when the time is right to live with your boyfriend? How do you broach the subject? Is it a good idea to move in so soon? Does anyone have any tips?

Thanks in advance, sorry for my almost teenage hysterics about this but I'm a bit of a commitmentphobe generally so this is all new territory for me!

Sublime_2

rozmister wrote: »

sorry for my almost teenage hysterics about this but I'm a bit of a commitmentphobe generally so this is all new territory for me!

That last comment would make me adivise no, but its up to you.

Tropez

Only you can know whether the time is right to consider making such a step and if you're asking whether the time is right then it probably isn't. You would just know.

Personally speaking, four months - I've had relationships where after four months everything was going fantastic and then another two months later it was over. You have to be extremely confident to start making decisions that can have massive repercussions in the future, especially after such a short period of time.

My partner and I were together for over three and a half years before we moved in together.

youluckypanda

I moved in with my boyfriend on the day of our 1 year anniversary. However only you will be able to know what is right for you.

nancyo

You will no if the time is right,, dont stress yourself with this for now - have fun and review the situation in a few months and if you guys are still together and you feel like its the right decision, just ask him how he would feel about moving in together.

I think you might just scare him off by asking him right now - wait a while

rozmister

I think you're all right. I'll just wait and see how I feel in August when I start looking for somewhere else to live and if the time isn't right I'll live with a girl friend!

BitterAndTwisted

There is a risk entailed with entering into a joint financial obligation like a rental agreement. Most, if not all, rental agreements are for an initial six months and if your relationship should break down during that time you will find it very difficult indeed to end the agreement early without the landlord's consent and this could mean that you'll be tied into paying all of the rent on your own should the other person up sticks and leave.

Making long-term plans for a joint financial commitment this far in advance in a very new relationship might not be wise. In your shoes I'd be making plans to rent somewhere affordable on my own for the time being.

tattycath

I moved in with my ex after 6 weeks-and we were together for 10 years. Although i say six weeks it was a kind of gradual thing IYSWIM I stayed there every night and slowly but surely took all my possessions to his.
I had 6 years on my own with the kids after that.
I moved (myself and my kids) in with my huisband after 3 months-he told his friends after one month that i would move in with him shortly! We have now been together for 5 years and are very happy.
As others have said though-you have to do what's right for you. If you are a commitmentphobe (as you yourself have said) maybe you should look into finding out why and how you can overcome it.hth

jcr16

i think it varies from couple to couple. when i met my hubby we met in the may and his parent's got arsy about us spending so much time together , he had a row with his mum and came to my house with a local newspaper an said were buying a home together,lol. very romantic. we both wanted it but i think it made him realise how much he wanted it. we stated the process of buying 6 weeks after being together and the sale finally went through in the nov. 4.5 months after first meeting. 10 years later we are even more happier than i could ever imagine. and i wouldn't of had it any other way.

if you think he is the one, then a yr into your relationship i think is more than fine.but then i new within just a few weeks my hubby was the one for me . he said to me about two weeks after being together he loved me, i was completely blown away. so for us it has been great. but everyone relationships are different.

Starrystarrynight

My OH and I had been together for five months when he moved in with me following a job change. I did worry about it being too early, but it's turned out really well :-)
It sounds like you still have a fair bit of time, OP, before you'll need to make the suggestion.
Hope it works out well for you, whatever you choose.

LilacPixie

I also think it varies but I don't think your house share ending is the 'right' reason to get a place together.

I was with OH for about 18 months and he moved into my flat. It worked for us, I had my mortgage to pay and oh lived with his parents so there was no reason to do it other than we wanted too. One day he came over and really just never left.