For the singletons: challenge to get AT LEAST a snog in 2011

worried_jim

Well since its mainly (I am guessing) ladies here I’d thought I’d cast a male opinion into the pot for you. Women amaze and scare me (and most men) in general, you are like mystical beings and thought of me approaching you terrifies me. I am fine with ladies that I know or ladies that I work with where I am a fantastic flirt (all mouth and no trousers) but put me in a room with ladies I have never met and I turn to jelly and crap just comes out of my mouth. I am 36 and I feel like I am fourteen.
Any dates that I go on are organised by friends because they know that I will never arrange it myself. I am a confident person with my own teeth and (some) hair, I have a good job and a nice home which I have filled with nice things so I don’t need to go out as I am quite happy by myself on a Friday night at home.
I have lived with women in the past so I know how to behave and I am well trained, I will hold a door open for you, let you choose the restaurant and ask about your day. I am genuinely interested in you because I have said already you amaze and scare me, just what is it you find so exciting about shopping?
All of my friends are now married now with children so my opportunities are diminishing, because of this I have kind of given up and resigned myself that this is just how it is going to be, part of me is a little relived as I have had my heart broken on two occasions and I just don’t want to have to suffer that again because for me it was just the worst, anyway….
My best friend is female (and married) so on occasions that we do go out to the pub or out for the day I can still have the appearance of a couple and look like any other mid thirties man. She once said this about me on a dating website-
“Jim is a really loyal, dependable guy. Always up for going out and having a laugh. He's very into films, music and reading and is incredibly witty. He loves telling jokes and always has a crowd in fits of giggles. Jim is a caring kinda guy who looks out for his friends and he'd do anything for you. A real top bloke.”
So I am not a nutter or a weirdo according to her, which is nice.
But what do I do now? If you have any suggestions I live in the Brighton area if you want to send me a pm. Jim (not my real name).

renovation.girl

worried_jim wrote: »

Well since its mainly (I am guessing) ladies here I’d thought I’d cast a male opinion into the pot for you. Women amaze and scare me (and most men) in general, you are like mystical beings and thought of me approaching you terrifies me. I am fine with ladies that I know or ladies that I work with where I am a fantastic flirt (all mouth and no trousers) but put me in a room with ladies I have never met and I turn to jelly and crap just comes out of my mouth. I am 36 and I feel like I am fourteen.
Any dates that I go on are organised by friends because they know that I will never arrange it myself. I am a confident person with my own teeth and (some) hair, I have a good job and a nice home which I have filled with nice things so I don’t need to go out as I am quite happy by myself on a Friday night at home.
I have lived with women in the past so I know how to behave and I am well trained, I will hold a door open for you, let you choose the restaurant and ask about your day. I am genuinely interested in you because I have said already you amaze and scare me, just what is it you find so exciting about shopping?
All of my friends are now married now with children so my opportunities are diminishing, because of this I have kind of given up and resigned myself that this is just how it is going to be, part of me is a little relived as I have had my heart broken on two occasions and I just don’t want to have to suffer that again because for me it was just the worst, anyway….
My best friend is female (and married) so on occasions that we do go out to the pub or out for the day I can still have the appearance of a couple and look like any other mid thirties man. She once said this about me on a dating website-
“Jim is a really loyal, dependable guy. Always up for going out and having a laugh. He's very into films, music and reading and is incredibly witty. He loves telling jokes and always has a crowd in fits of giggles. Jim is a caring kinda guy who looks out for his friends and he'd do anything for you. A real top bloke.”
So I am not a nutter or a weirdo according to her, which is nice.
But what do I do now? If you have any suggestions I live in the Brighton area if you want to send me a pm. Jim (not my real name).

You sound so nice I might move to Brighton.
Someone will see through your wobbles and she will be the one for you because of it. We have to keep trying xxx

worried_jim

By the way the last three concerts I went to were-
Lilly Allen, Girls Aloud and Status Quo.
Last three holidays –
Florida, Turkey, India.
Last three records played-
The darkness, Blondie, Guns n’Roses.
Last three films I’ve watched-
Shelter, Pontypool, 7th dimension.
I am currently reading –
Edge of darkness by Dale Brown, Swahili for the broken hearted by peter moore and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Myer.

I think that sums me up pretty well, a right mixed bag.

Squirrel29

I loved your comment about going out and about with your female friend Jim and I can totally relate. On my ventures out to cinema, meals etc with male friends (usually gay as mentioned in my last post!), I feel like I'm bursting with pride at looking like a normal member of society ie can obviously bag a partner!! Oh well, at least appearances can be deceptive!!

elaine12022

4 years (and a half!) ago I was single, and seriously thinking I would be single the rest of my life. Now I have been married for 2 years :rotfl:

so I just want to encourage you all, male & female (BTW I am nearer 40 than 30 now, with a long term health condition, as is my husband).

I met my husband by going to a talk, and then we met up in group situations a few times before taking the plunge (and I made the first move :eek:)

After my last relationship I was single for several years - sorting myself out basically so I didn't make the same mistakes again. After seeing my little sister get married I really started to make a list in my head of what i wanted (and didn't want!) from a relationship. (little did I know future OH doing the same )

I believe that there is a Law of Attraction - if deep down you don't believe you deserve somebody decent, or you're not ready for a long term commitment you'll attract people who reflect that.

And to comfort those of you worried about conversations, the first few conversations I had with my OH were not exactly scintillating - but there was something going on underneath that was drawing us to each other. And there's been (& still are!) plenty of mistakes on the way!

ixwood

Jim, the one thing you need to understand about woman is that men are either friend material, or bed material.

There's no middle ground and despite woman always claiming to want "nice" guys, they're actually attracted to not "nice" guys naturally.

That's not to say that all woman are looking for losers, just that they're naturally sexually disinterested in men that are too keen/nice/sweet/willing. I guess that biologically, if someone is that available and attentive, then it means their genes are selling themselves short and can find a more desirable partner.

Being described as Sweet/Nice/lovely/adorable/doting means you're romantically doomed (and better get used to being the friend that the girl that they fancy moans to about the latest man that's bedded them and treated them badly).


Lambs or puppies are sweet. That instantly puts you in the "friend" camp for ever more.

Mysterious, cheeky, aloof, detached, ignorant are all far better 1st impressions to give a woman you're interested in IMHO.

Of course, you shouldn't treat them bad, or be nasty, but you do have show you're not in awe of them or a pushover. Act like they'd be lucky to bag you, not vice versa and tease them about stuff. I'm 100% sure that the most effective way to get a girl interested is to (inoffensively and playfully) mock and tease them.

It shows that you're not intimidated, have got confidence, rank at least as high as them and have got that special something about you.

Woman get flattered, complimented, eyed up and propositioned all the time. It's just normal and a sub concious turn off. It says needy, not good enough or trying to hard. You need to stand out and be different. Act like you don't really care whether they like you or not. You don't need or want their approval. If anything, they need to impress you.

Every woman likes a challenge. Your job is to seem like one.

Tete_en_l'Air

Hello there, I personally am in a bit of a messy situation at the moment so not sure if I'll be joining you (just yet anyway) but will be following with interest.

Just wanted to comment on something that stood out at me, as a veteran of internet dating:

worried_jim wrote: »

My best friend once said this about me on a dating website-

“Jim is a really loyal, dependable guy. Always up for going out and having a laugh. He's very into films, music and reading and is incredibly witty. He loves telling jokes and always has a crowd in fits of giggles. Jim is a caring kinda guy who looks out for his friends and he'd do anything for you. A real top bloke.”

This, and especially the bits I've highlighted, is what EVERYONE says - "I love having a laugh!" - what does that even mean?! - of course you love laughing, it's a fun thing to do! Similarly the people who 'love spending time with their kids' well I should hope so. These things should go without saying and you need to say something else about yourself to make you stand out from the crowd.

Now Jim what you say below:

worried_jim wrote: »

By the way the last three concerts I went to were-
Lilly Allen, Girls Aloud and Status Quo.

Last three holidays –
Florida, Turkey, India.

Last three records played-
The darkness, Blondie, Guns n’Roses.

Last three films I’ve watched-
Shelter, Pontypool, 7th dimension.

I am currently reading –
Edge of darkness by Dale Brown, Swahili for the broken hearted by peter moore and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Myer.

I think that sums me up pretty well, a right mixed bag.

Something like that would instantly get me reading - don't know whether it's just my geeky love of lists or what but even if the things you mentioned weren't to my taste it shows that you do actually have interests which you pursue and gives a real insight to your personality.

That's my little two'pennuth (SP??)

ellesbellesxxx

Renovation Girl I am with you on that one! I even deleted his number so cannot be tempted!!!!

3 days? That is a long time for a woman! Any more news on dating anyone????!!!

Esqulax

Tete en l'Air - i see where your coming from - I went through some application forms at fast food place i was working in once... 90% of the applications had 'Socialising', 'Meeting Friends' or similar under the 'Hobbies' heading.
Thats not a hobby! Its what happens when your DOING your hobby!

little_h_2

maybe i should join in too - not sure i am ready to be swept off my feet just yet as had a bit of a mare last year but i definitely need to get out there and meet some new folks. I made a good start on Tuesday night but need to do more!

nothing special required, own hair not essential although own teeth preferred. must like motorbikes and at least tolerate harps!