Can't believe the mess I'm in!

Pink-Angel

I've opened a new bank account and submitted details of all my debts to CCCS so that I can begin a DMP. Total alone makes me feel sick - about £20,000! Now it's a waiting game to get the paperwork and set everything up. My stress levels are high. I've been awake since 3am thinking about it all. I'm feeling really down at the moment ....

I live in a rented property which has pre-payment gas and electric meters. When I moved in I tired to get them changed, but it took a while for my change of address to appear on the electoral role, and I failed the credit reference check. Unfortunately I tried again last night and it failed again. I don't know why (at this stage all my payments are up to date etc). They said it was because I haven't lived at my address for 3 years. I wondered if the fact I've also had a recent credit check done by my new bank (successfully) would have had a bearing. But whatever the reason, I'm a bit down at the fact I'm lumbered with these expensive pre-payment meters indefinitely now. The only way I can get them changed is to pay a total of £500 up front! I don't have a spare £500 so this isn't an option. The annoying thing is if the property had had ordinary meters in the first place I wouldn't be in this situation:(

To make matters worse, my car back bumper is damaged because an idiot driver went into the back of me when I was stationary at a zebra crossing. Part of it had come loose so I'm going to attempt a DIY tape up repair job. I can't afford to take it to the garage until I'm paid next as it would be a credit card affair and I'm going to have to learn to live without credit cards.

I know my debts are my own doing, and I do take responsibility for the mess I'm in. But that doesn't stop life feeling pretty rubbish right now.:(

RachelS

I am sorry you are feeling so down. From my experience, it's normal to feel down like this a little while after you actually start tackling your debts. At first, although you feel terrible about the situation, you feel at least something is changing. And then the stress builds and all the annoying bits of real life come creeping and you think 'why me? why now?' I went into an absolute rage yesterday because the cable for my dvd player broke. I just felt I couldn't cope with the time it would take to find another one free somewhere on top of everything else. Also someone has been occasionally siphoning petrol out of my car...just want to write a note on my car saying 'STOP I CAN'T AFFORD THIS!' I feel it's stress I could barely manage, and I'm very much on edge anyway because of the debt situation.

The reality is any change brings with it an enormous amount of stress. I've been eating like a pig for the last couple of weeks but I have lost a lot of weight and come down with a bug. The good news is this change is GOOD. We can't change the past and we aren't bad people because of the past...just look at the thousands of people on these forums in exactly the same situation. But we are doing something about it, it's stressful and lots of people would have left their heads in the sand, but we didn't.

Be really kind to yourself and just get through each day. I find it helpful to list the things I'm going to do the next day the night before, tick them off and then spend a little time relaxing or on here. Things will feel better.

Pink-Angel

Many thanks Rachel, what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I know that it's better to be doing something about my situation than ignoring it. I can totally relate to the DVD cable situation. There is the saying about the straw that broke the camel's back and it's so true! I think when stress levels are so high even the smallest thing just feels too much.

I'm going to use your suggestion and list the things I need to do today so that may help me feel motivated and like I've achieved something. The temptations is to sit and watch DVDs but I have things I should be doing.

Thanks again :-)

Squirrel29

If sitting and watching a DVD and taking your mind off things helps, then treat yourself! I know that last week I felt positive about tackling it but today feel low and despondent, but then have just finished working 24 hrs straight through for overtime. When we are tired and stressed, things we'd normally shrug off seem like momentous problems.

Is there a friend you could call a favour in to repair car? Is it one particular energy company that keeps knocking you back? Could you try another one who maybe has a slightly different criteria? Chin up, we've both taken a huge step in starting to tackle this. xx

chivers1977

Pink-Angel wrote: »

Many thanks Rachel, what you are saying makes a lot of sense. I know that it's better to be doing something about my situation than ignoring it. I can totally relate to the DVD cable situation. There is the saying about the straw that broke the camel's back and it's so true! I think when stress levels are so high even the smallest thing just feels too much.

I'm going to use your suggestion and list the things I need to do today so that may help me feel motivated and like I've achieved something. The temptations is to sit and watch DVDs but I have things I should be doing.

Thanks again :-)

Hi Pink Angel

Have you done a spreadsheet to keep an eye on outgoings? That helps me feel in control and takes away the panic that there might not be enough money to pay all of the bills

dollybeads

Hey guys, just want to say that am sorry you are all having a bit of a sad time, it is overwhelming, immensely stressful and depressing, but we are all doing something about our debts, which is a really fantastic thing and in the long term will reap some many benefits.

I think your suggestion rachel is a good one, days when i feel crap at work i write down all the things i have done that day then tick them off (I know its supposed to be the other way round), but this just reminds me I am not a useless good for nothing. I have also kept a list of all the things I have done so far to tackle my debt (successful or otherwise) and especially any thing that I would normally not attempt (ie speaking to scary bank manager). It helps me to keep a little motivation going.

I think you are all brilliant and so supportive as is this site and all the thousand of posters. Angel give yourself a little TLC this weekend, lots of money free or cheap options (I love nothing better than lying on the couch all day and watching some old movies).

Will be thinking about you all today, take care of yourselves dolly x:wave:

riverboat2001

Hi Pink-Angel

Hope this doesn't come over as a gloat.
We moved into our first proper house about 12 years ago. we had almost nothing, but wanted everything.
All funded by credit card and bounced cheques.
Other half had messy divorce, and we took on all his ex's debts and signed away his share of the house to break free.
Long Story Short = £20k of debt, and numerous CCj's + CSA

This carried on for quite a while until one day i saw Martin on tv going on about moving debts over to 0% interest cards.

This was the start of the rest of our lives.

I contacted the CCCS, and how amazing were they?. Total life savers, no more interest and no more red letters and harrasing phone calls.

Move forward to today, i'm like a junkie to reading this site!
We are about to move into a doer -upper house, can't afford curtains or carpet, but have learnt the hard way...no more credit for us EVER!
Freecycle is my latest best friend....:D

A few things that i do still that help keep us on the straight and narrow.

I input everything into Microsoft Money so that i know what gets spent where, and what bill is due when. This was a big eye opener for me, when i realised how much i spent in Tesco.:eek:
I live VERY close to a Tesco store, and, unless i'm doing my main shop i take cash to buy just what i went in for , and not a load of other crap that i don't need.


I hope you can draw encouragement from my/our story, you will get there. And at some point you will be excited to see your statements come in so you can see how just much you have paid off this month...:)

thrifty_fifty

Hi Angel

Just wanted to add a little thing that I do too. When you're feeling a bit down, don't forget to reward yourself. I spent a lot of time beating myself up for 'what I had done', but then I started to put all the effort I had into finding free rewards. I was missing out on so much.

Free museums. Brilliant. Bored at the weekend and want something to take your mind off your situation? These are a great way to spend your time.

Go and blag some free samples. Get cheeky and try it. Some will say no, but a lot will say yes. Just this week I managed to get some free La Prairie samples from their counter, and used these as my treat on thursday pampering night. I've set aside this night just for me.

Go get some free books from the library, learn a new skill or just have a read for the fun of it.

Get your friends round instead of going out. I set up our own come dine with me with my friends, as we wanted to see each other, but couldn't afford overpriced restaurants and alchohol. I got a bunch of freebie sample bath treats and perfumes by emailing companies and going into shops and made them goodie bags, which they loved, and I loved because my friends enjoyed them and they cost me nothing. I made a chilli and got some nachos (25p nachos, bargain!!), the whole thing cost me £4, and it was the best night I'd had in a long time. Plus now I have three free nights out to meet up with my friends, when they do the same. But likewise you could ask them to bring some biccies, and you supply the tea or water and have a good old time.

You will get through this, and you'll appreciate things more as a result.

Go for it!!

xx

bertman

josiebabie wrote: »

You will find Pink-Angel that being frugal and searching for bargains is addictive too! I know it sounds unlikely but trust me!

This is very true, we used to have a great life before we bought a business and almost lost everything, we had 2/3 holidays a year. Threw away loads of food, bought what we wanted when we wanted.
Now I know the cost of everything, and I mean everything. I notice when something goes up in our local supermarket. I listen out for tips and offers everywhere. I know I am not the only one, loads of people do. It will be a long time before we are debt free but when we are we will have a very good life, but we will be careful. There is no way I will be in hock to any bank in the future. They are quick to lend but VERY quick to pull the rug in tough times.

We actually eat more healthily now that we are frugal, but we eat well. Lots of home cooked food with loads of vitamins in them, its amazing what you can do once you really do analise and check the supermarkets shelves.

Good luck this year everyone....:D

Squirrel29

This sounds really dumb.. but the love, support and time taken by strangers to comfort people gives you faith in human nature.