*Please Help* Husband taking me for everything...

candytwinkle

There are no guarantees in life, circumstances change.
Better off to seperate and deal with the fallout, than sit in a loveless marriage. How is that being selfish?

Barny1979

Not sure how he is taking her for everything. He is going to pay half the negative equity isn't he? Or have I missed something?

candytwinkle

Seems to me that he's paying his way and just trying to resolve the financial burden they both have.

Gavin83

carolan78 wrote: »

There is no if's or buts and gender doesn't come into it as the principle works both ways. If it had been the op that had upped and left him for whatever reason she would have put him in that postion. It has everything to do with joint financial liabilities because instead of trying to work on a rockey marriage one has had an affair and walked away putting the op's life and finances in turmoil.

How did I ignore facts...the facts we are all working on are those the op has told us ie HE CHEATED AND MOVED IN WITH THE OTHER WOMAN!!!! His choice.

I really do not understand why you can not see it has bearing. As I stated before if one half of the couple chooses to leave then they have created the financial situation the couple then find themselves in when negative equity is involved. Life is all about choices and all choices have conciquences and unfortunately the situation they are currently in with the negative equity comes down to his choice to leave. As I also stated previously if he had stayed yes the neg equity would still be there but as they would be living in the house it wouldn't be such a huge issue as it currently is. So it has a huge bearing, the chioces one partner made has effected them disaterously in the financial department as well as emotional.

This would work both ways regardless of who it was having the affair. I really don't go in for all this sexim rubbish, if it is wrong it is wrong no matter how much or little meat and veg you possess

It has an influence on the situation but I really don't see why one partner should be responsible for all the negative financial aspects just because they made the decision to leave. Adultery has no impact on the financial aspect of a divorce and you are allowing your emotions to cloud your opinion. Besides, I really doubt you'd even get him to admit an affair anyway.

If it was the other way round and the mortgage was completely paid off, should the guy in this case be entitled to the entire house? Of course not.

He has clearly made mistakes in the relationship but this should have no impact on the finances and they should both be equally responsible for settling the negative equity. His only mistake was suggesting he would pay it but he clearly had better thoughts once he was aware of the amount.

daniboy

candytwinkle wrote: »

Why should he stay and work on a rocky marriage??

He obviously does not love her so what would be the point in prolonging the break up for financial reasons?

At least he was true to himself and now she's free to find someone who does love her

Spoken like a true man!

rozmister

I can't comment on the morals and ins and outs of marriage, divorce and heartbreak (never been in a long term relationship until recently!) but I will say one thing that strikes me is if his girlfriend is in anyway involved in law DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING SHE GIVES YOU. ALWAYS, always, always, always take it to a solicitor that you employ, even if it costs you a pretty penny, because otherwise you could be royally screwed over. What somebody says they'll do and actually does are two completely different things and while he may say he'll pay the negative equity he may have absolutely no intentioon of doing so.

ford_prefect_3

Leaving emotion aside the current situation is that both parties are jointly and severely liable for the payments.

£1016 a month on a house valued at 160K, either a huge mortgage or something is amiss on the calculations.

Get the council tax reduced to single occupant or get the paintbrush out, declare it unoccupied and being done up and you will get a period council tax free, it varies from place to place. Can you not get the mortgage switched to interest only?

In terms of the divorce he would need to file, you would be served and then the process starts, the petition itself has no bearing on the finances, thats dealt with as part of the process, the petition is just about the reasons.

In terms of the finances, its a marriage under three years so any settlement is likely to follow white vs white which is a straight 50/50 split of all debts and assets. No kids, no long term issues so no requirement for spousal or child support. Pensions may be an issue but your both young and its early in your pension life so its likely a simple solution is to take what you both have and ignore the other party.

On the subject of solicitors, if she is one then its unlikely her firm would act for him as it would present a conflict of interest, most law firms have a policy of not representing there own employees or partners but referring out to maintain a clear barrier to any accusations of a conflict of interest.

Blitz01

carolan78 wrote: »

There is no if's or buts and gender doesn't come into it as the principle works both ways. If it had been the op that had upped and left him for whatever reason she would have put him in that postion. It has everything to do with joint financial liabilities because instead of trying to work on a rockey marriage one has had an affair and walked away putting the op's life and finances in turmoil.

How did I ignore facts...the facts we are all working on are those the op has told us ie HE CHEATED AND MOVED IN WITH THE OTHER WOMAN!!!! His choice.

I really do not understand why you can not see it has bearing. As I stated before if one half of the couple chooses to leave then they have created the financial situation the couple then find themselves in when negative equity is involved. Life is all about choices and all choices have conciquences and unfortunately the situation they are currently in with the negative equity comes down to his choice to leave. As I also stated previously if he had stayed yes the neg equity would still be there but as they would be living in the house it wouldn't be such a huge issue as it currently is. So it has a huge bearing, the chioces one partner made has effected them disaterously in the financial department as well as emotional.

This would work both ways regardless of who it was having the affair. I really don't go in for all this sexim rubbish, if it is wrong it is wrong no matter how much or little meat and veg you possess

Your viewpoint is being clouded by morals.
Morally you may have a point.
Legally you are way off the mark.......