*Please Help* Husband taking me for everything...

Ellalilli

Hi,

I'm a regular visitor to this site but have never posted anything before. I'm deperate for some advice as I am in a terrible situation and have no one to turn to for help.....

Me and my husband married in July 2009 we bought a house in 2007 and have a joint mortgage, throughout out short marriage I suspected him of having an affair although he denied it. In May of 2010 he left me for another woman - the same woman whom I suspected his affair was with.

He left our house but continued to pay half the mortgage, he requested the house be sold and I agreed as I cannot afford to keep it myself.

The house is in negative equity, we owe approx £160k on it, in the current market we'll be lucky to get £140k.

He is hounding me for a divorce and when both him and his parents said that he should pay all of the negative equity since he left me I'm worried now that this new woman is corrupting him and trying to make me pay my half even though I didnt want any of this to happen.

He was nice to me at the start when we first seperated but now he has turned very nasty.

I'm only 26 my marriage has lasted such a short time and my parents used their life savings to pay £25,000 for our wedding and he has walked away laughing.........with her.

Is there anything I can do to save myself from paying the negative equity??

Sorry its so long but I'd appreciate any advice that anyone has.

Thankyou x

swiss69

unless he agrees to pay it all then you will be jointly liable.

brians_daughter

Sorry you are having such a terrible time, but you need to see a solicitor. Unless it is legally documented and agreed to by him then you are liable for 1/2 the shortfall. Maybe another option would be one of you staying in the house until things pick up? or maybe renting it out (lots of legalities there)

If you owe the bank 20k in shortfall i would assume ths would need to be found prior to completion to repay the current lender before they released deeds etc to new owners... then theres estate agents fees and solicitors so £20k could easily become £23k with these costs.

If he has said that he will pay the £20k (has he got 20k??) then go see a solicitor and try to get things moving... will he also pay convayancing and estate agents fees as well?

candytwinkle

Nothing you can do Im affraid. Sounds like they want rid of the house/debt as much as you do.
Is either of you still living in the property?

FatVonD

Is there any way you can get him to pay his half as a lump sum off of the mortgage (thus reducing the payments) take his name off the house and rent out a room or rooms to help pay the mortgage (or rent the whole house and rent somewhere smaller for yourself?)

In your position I'd be tempted to sit tight for a few years until prices rise again and you're not in negative equity any longer and your income has increased and you own 100% of a house you previously only owned 50% of, (though that may not be right for you and I am in no way qualified to advise!)

Plans_all_plans

I am sorry to say that unfortunately, the bank/the law won't look at who left who when deciding who is responsible for the negative equity/any other debts.

You are both liable for the shortfall. The bank wont care who pays up and it will chase the one who is most likely to. You really do need legal advice sharpish. Have you got a joint account/joint savings/debts?

PinkPeach

I'm so sorry to hear about whats happening to you, it sounds like a terrible situation.

Go and talk to your mortgage lender and explain the situation to them. I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago and it did help to have the situation explained to me in terms of how they would go about collecting what you owe. At the time I was told that as I was the higher earner they would chase me for the money, as this would potentially give them the quickest result - however, this may not be the same for all lenders.

The CAB may also be able to offer you some advice if you don't feel you can face the bank yet.

LittleMrsThrifty

Coming from someone who has recently been through a very similar situation (albeit without negative equity) - you really do need to see a solicitor. You should be able to receive a free half hour consultation to establish your rights with regard to both the divorce and the finances.

Regarding the divorce - you say he wants a divorce but on what grounds is he planning to acquire this?

As for the finances... you are both currently responsible for paying the mortgage. Who is paying it at the moment? Could you afford to pay the mortgage on your own? If he house legally belongs to both of you then he can't sell it without your consent. However, again speaking as someone who has been through a similar situation you may well find that having some 'closure' on the situation, even if it means taking a hit financially, is worthwhile. My ex sounds exactly the same as yours. Part of me considered refusing to leave the house as he couldn't make me and I could easily afford the mortgage on my own. But the truth is that my sanity is worth more than that

Tropez

As hard as it might be, the first thing you need to do is not to panic. People who are panicked, particularly where finances are concerned, are more likely to make rash decisions that could negatively affect them in the long term.

Secondly, visit https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ and find your local Citizens Advice Bureau and contact them for an appointment, explaining your situation and they will help to advise you over what your rights are, what your husband's rights are and how best to proceed.

You will need a solicitor at some point, if you don't already have one.

You are legally liable for the shortfall but don't allow that to concern you too much. These situations are sadly all too common and there is legislation and assistance in place for those who are suffering as a result of such situations. Once again, the CAB will be able to offer you as much assistance as you need.

In the mean time, while I am making no suggestion with regards to your mental state, you may wish to consider visiting your GP and discussing the possibility of being referred for counselling to a mental health professional. This may sound unnecessary but it will give you an outlet for any anguish, anxiety or other negative emotions that you may be feeling. Most NHS trusts have services available for those experiencing difficult situations.

Ellalilli

Hi, Thanks for all the quick replies,

I havent approached a solicitor yet as I was worried it will cost me a lot of money.

Unfortunately the women he has gone off with works as a solicitor (Just my luck). He sent me a text this morning saying, I have the divorce papers so you better come and sign them, I havent replied yet.

At the start he said he would pay the estate agent and solicitor fees, I think he will stick to this but I dont think he'll pay the negative equity.

None of us have that sort of money, he is only 24, I can only assume that we will both have to get loans but I doubt we will be approved for loans of 10k plus in the current market.

I have now moved back with my parents as I didnt want to be in the house on my own.

He has now moved in with this new woman so the house is empty.

Our mortgage company will not allow us to rent the house out, at the start I tried to get his name taken off and get the mortgage in my name to try and stay on the property ladder but they wanted a £27,000 deposit, now its on the market but has had no interest, he has priced it very high and wont accept any offers below £150,000, the estate agents have advised us that it wont sell for over £140,000.

We have got a joint bank account and we both pay in £580 a month each to cover bills and the mortgage.

I did think about texting back and saying that I'll sign the divorce papers when I see a signed contract from him stating that he'll pay all negative equity and costs as both him and his parents agreed but I suspect since then he has changed his mind.....

Plans_all_plans

I would also go to your bank (today) and tell them your situation and that any money in the joint account cannot be removed without authorisation from the other party. He could clear the joint account otherwise.