*Please Help* Husband taking me for everything...

mandi

Seems to me like he is bullying you . You don't have to sign the divorce papers , and in many ways this gives you some leverage .

I would ask him to get his solicitor to draw up a letter confirming that he is willing to pay off the negative equity & other fees once the house is sold . until that time tell him you will NOT sign anything .

Also arrange for you salary to go into another account asap .

Ellalilli

Thanks, Our joint account is empty after the monthly debts have gone out, unless he clears my half when I put in my £580, there is nothing left.

Both him and myself have a seperate account in which our monthly salaries are paid into, our joint account is just for the mortgage and other bills to do with the house.

Other then the mortgage, we dont have any other joint debts, when we were married I seemed to pay for most things.

I sold my car to pay for our honeymoon - we went to Miami which cost approx £4,000, he even pursuaded me that in the second week we should travel to New York and meet up with another couple who happened to be the woman he is with now and her then husband, they have now been seperated a year.....what a fool Ive been.

He worked on call for an electrical company and told me that the money he earnt whilst on call was his and that it was to be spent only on things he wanted. He put it in a seperate account and would never tell me how much he had in it, I dont know if theres any way I could find out??

I put everything into the marriage and he kept a lot of his money seperate from me, its awful....

LittleMrsThrifty

Ellalilli wrote: »

I havent approached a solicitor yet as I was worried it will cost me a lot of money. It will, but it has to be done.

Unfortunately the women he has gone off with works as a solicitor (Just my luck). He sent me a text this morning saying, I have the divorce papers so you better come and sign them, I havent replied yet. He obviously has no idea what he's talking about. If he files for divorce he would submit the peition to the court who would then write to you. You would sign them and send then back to the court. So there's no "come and sign them". The other point is that he would need grounds for a divorce. He may be using unreasonable behaviour (which is very subjective) but given that he's had an affair then really you should be divorcing him.

At the start he said he would pay the estate agent and solicitor fees, I think he will stick to this but I dont think he'll pay the negative equity. You really need to have a discussion with him about how you are to proceed with this. If you end up arguing via solicitors it will just cost you more and more money. You could appeal to his better nature and suggest that seeing as he has done wrong (although this would require him to feel guilty, which he obviously doesn't) and your parents funded the wedding that he should foot the bill for estate agent and solicitors fees for selling the house. You could try and get him to pay the negative equity too, but you may be asking a little too much there!

None of us have that sort of money, he is only 24, I can only assume that we will both have to get loans but I doubt we will be approved for loans of 10k plus in the current market. Do you both work? If you were able to secure a mortgage of £160k you should be able to get a loan.

I have now moved back with my parents as I didnt want to be in the house on my own.

He has now moved in with this new woman so the house is empty.

Our mortgage company will not allow us to rent the house out, at the start I tried to get his name taken off and get the mortgage in my name to try and stay on the property ladder but they wanted a £27,000 deposit, now its on the market but has had no interest, he has priced it very high and wont accept any offers below £150,000, the estate agents have advised us that it wont sell for over £140,000.

We have got a joint bank account and we both pay in £580 a month each to cover bills and the mortgage. It is stupid for you both to be paying this much money every month and neither of you be living in the house. You could each get a loan for £10k, keep paying what you are and by the middle of next year you'd be free of it and able to start a fresh.

I did think about texting back and saying that I'll sign the divorce papers when I see a signed contract from him stating that he'll pay all negative equity and costs as both him and his parents agreed but I suspect since then he has changed his mind..... You need to see a solicitor first to establish your rights here and then look to have a discussion with him before employing a solicitor to execute your wishes

For what its worth, I know exactly how you feel. Although it will be costly, it sounds like your life will be significantly better off without him and that is worth a fortune...

Edited to add: If there is one piece of advice I can give you, from someone a few months down the road, it is that once you have established what you are to do with your joint finances - stay strong and do not give in. When I finally got my cheque for my equity in the house I shared with my ex it signalled the end of months of psychological warfare. He will take you for a ride if you let him. If you don't, he can't.

Tropez

Ellalilli wrote: »

Thanks, Our joint account is empty after the monthly debts have gone out, unless he clears my half when I put in my £580, there is nothing left.

Both him and myself have a seperate account in which our monthly salaries are paid into, our joint account is just for the mortgage and other bills to do with the house.

Other then the mortgage, we dont have any other joint debts, when we were married I seemed to pay for most things.

I sold my car to pay for our honeymoon - we went to Miami which cost approx £4,000, he even pursuaded me that in the second week we should travel to New York and meet up with another couple who happened to be the woman he is with now and her then husband, they have now been seperated a year.....what a fool Ive been.

He worked on call for an electrical company and told me that the money he earnt whilst on call was his and that it was to be spent only on things he wanted. He put it in a seperate account and would never tell me how much he had in it, I dont know if theres any way I could find out??

I put everything into the marriage and he kept a lot of his money seperate from me, its awful....

With regards to his finance's, this article outlines your immediate rights in this regard - http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=499489&in_page_id=2

Don't feel like a fool; it has nothing to do with foolishness. You've been lied to and that's it.

Plans_all_plans

You wont be able to find out how much money he has in his personal account I'm afraid. I take it you personally have no other assets? Even if he has many assets himself, I believe with a short marriage/no children you are not entitled to these (this is just what I've read so will need clarifying).

Sambucus_Nigra

Personally I would not sign those papers until an agreement on the finances is made.

Go see a solicitor, and write down everything financial relating to the marriage before you go.

lozzi1973

Hi, the most important thing to remember is be true to yourself and focus on what you need to do to resolve things for your future. He will employ various strategies to play games with your emotions trust me i've been in a similar position. Stay strong and seek legal advise asap it may prove costly in the short term but it will give you some sense of perspective and focus for ensuring you protect yourself financially and emotionally in the longer term. Good luck!

RAS

Ellalilli wrote: »

He worked on call for an electrical company and told me that the money he earnt whilst on call was his and that it was to be spent only on things he wanted. He put it in a seperate account and would never tell me how much he had in it, I dont know if theres any way I could find out??

Hi

Do not under any circumstances sign divorce papers, even more so if his newbie is a lawyer. He needs to wait 5 years before he can get a divorce without your consent.

The money you refer to above may be an asset of the marriage. Usually if the marriage last less than 2 years, the court return both couples to the situation they were in before the marriage. You need to demand details of all his accounts and ask for half of anything that was in them when the marriage ended.

Ellalilli

Does anyone know if the divorce papers will say if he is paying all the negative equity and fees etc? Or will it be assumed that its a 50/50 split?

I really appreciate everyones replies, its been really helpful.

RAS

Hi love.

There are two components of any divorce. The decree nisi and the financial settlement. Once they are both in place, the decree is made absolute.

Legally you are BOTH fully liable right now for the whole of the negative equity and fees. Since he is trying to bully you into a divorce and has previously proved to be a complete !!!!!! in terms of day to day and special expenditure, you can bet that the financial settlement he wants you to agree will leave you liable for everything.

Do not sign anything at all.