*Please Help* Husband taking me for everything...

Whatdo

Ellalilli wrote: »

Unfortunately the women he has gone off with works as a solicitor (Just my luck).

Maybe this is not such a bad thing, although she will clearly seek an advantage for him. I suspect that she will also not wish to be seen to embarrass herself amongst her colleagues by goading him into an untenable position.

Indeed she might know very little about family law, she could work for the local planning department:D

Furthermore she might attempt to keep him clear headed and clinical, which might be best for both of you.


I do hope all goes well for you, sounds pretty dire to me at the moment , but these things do pass and you are young, one score and 6, plenty of time to build again.

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clearingout

No, the divorce papers won't say that. This is why you need to see a solicitor. Let's see if I can help a bit - am divorced this year myself, but I'm not legally qualified.
1. A divorce is the dissolution of a marriage. It has nothing to do with money. If he wants to divorce you, let him. My ex left me pregnant and divorced me whilst he was living with another woman. My behaviour was unreasonable, apparently! Just be aware that you can also start the divorce process and divorce him - you don't need to sit and wait. However, if he won't admit to adultery, you will need to cite his inappropriate relationship with another woman under 'unreasoanble behaviour' grounds. There is no point in contesting a divorce or getting upset about the grounds - you just need out. It's not public record. No one will ever know.

2. The financial side of divorce is dealt with under the heading 'ancillary relief'. Short marriages generally they seem to say you take out what you put back, unless there are children involved. Negative equity is another issue - you need advice.

3. You need to get the financial side of things signed off in court. Potentially, if you don't, your ex will return to haunt you for money in future years (just imagine what could happen if you come into money). Either you do it by Consent and have an Order drawn up a solicitor and signed off OR you file for ancillary relief through the courts (expensive but better than leaving yourself open). Ultimately, a judge can decide what to do if he's difficult.

If he's telling you to come over and sign divorce papers, the man has been nowhere near a solicitor, even if he's living with one!

Bubby

The divorce I am afraid to say is your bargaining tool!
He is obviously desperate to get a divorce to continue his life with her, therefore I would call him and explian that you are not in a position to pay the negative equity so will hold off selling and also getting divorced until either he agrees (legally though a solicitor) to pay it (or a larger chunk of it) or the market improves. He will no doubt kick off to start with because he will see that he cannot bully you and this will frustrate him but once he speaks to his new girlfriend I am sure they will end up being more co-operative;)

mrsb83_2

Given that he has been concealing money and is putting you under huge pressure, you really must consult a solicitor.

Legal advice does cost money, but it often pays for itself. You may even reach an agreement where he pays your legal divorce costs.

Please ask your family/friends if they have any recommendations for a good solicitor.

mookiandco

I'm afraid he doesn't have to wait 5 years to divorce you without your consent, he can divorce you on unreasonable behaviour (this is subjective so it can be anything that he found to be unreasonable). He only requires your consent if it is on the basis of 2 years separation. In order to progress the divorce your ex simply needs to prove that you received the divorce petition. If you don't sign and return the acknowledgement of service form that the Court will send to you with the divorce petition then he will simply get a bailiff to serve you. If you admit to receiving the divorce petition then he can simply apply to the court for deemed service (ie that the Court accept that you have received the divorce petition). He just needs to provide some evidence that you have received the divorce petition. Refusing to co-operate with the divorce as a bargaining tool to try to hold him to what he says he will do in relation to the finances will get you no-where. He can also ask that you pay the costs of the divorce if you decide to hold it up.

Nevertheless, it does appear that he doesn't know what he is doing because the Court would send you the divorce petition. It is possible that his new partner is not a family solicitor in which case she would be of very little help to him.

You might be entitled to legal aid and should call a local solicitor's firm who have a family department and ask them to assess you on the telephone. If you are entitled to legal aid then the legal advice won't cost you anything although you may be liable to repay your legal costs in the long term if you retained property/money as a result of the divorce. Don't try and fight this battle yourself and you should not agree to anything or discuss anything further with your ex until you have taken some proper legal advice.

The divorce petition will not say anything about the finances and until there is a Consent Order or Court Order which sets out the terms of the resolution of the finances (e.g house to be sold, who pays for what etc) then nothing he has said is legally binding and he can't be held to it.

kegg_2

Yes a court will send the divorce petition but a petitioner can serve it themselves if they so wish so the simple fact that he says he has the petition that he wants you to sign doesn't indicate he is talking !!!!!!!! or hasn't issued proceedings yet.

jollyme

I'm in tears reading your story - if only I could convert those feelings for you into something more useful.

candytwinkle

jollyme wrote: »

I'm in tears reading your story - if only I could convert those feelings for you into something more useful.

Seriously Why? this happens to lots of people everyday.

Seperate the two
Breakdown of a relationship is one thing.
Financial responabilities another.

They are all adults and #### happens.

candytwinkle

At least he's paying half the mortgage until it sells.
My ex wouldn't pay a penny.

Penny-Pincher!!

You really need proper legal advice. Obviously, we don't know the full story but please be careful.

Good luck

PP
xx