*Please Help* Husband taking me for everything...

floss2

Ellalilli wrote: »

Thanks, Our joint account is empty after the monthly debts have gone out, unless he clears my half when I put in my £580, there is nothing left.

Both him and myself have a seperate account in which our monthly salaries are paid into, our joint account is just for the mortgage and other bills to do with the house.

Contact the people you have these bills with & set up separate direct debits from your own account - he may just clear that joint account.

Ellalilli wrote: »

He worked on call for an electrical company and told me that the money he earnt whilst on call was his and that it was to be spent only on things he wanted. He put it in a seperate account and would never tell me how much he had in it, I dont know if theres any way I could find out??

I seem to remember my solicitor asked my ex for full financial disclosure - including his pensions, savings & details of any mortgage with his new woman.

RAS wrote: »

Do not sign anything at all.

Absolutely spot-on.

Find yourself a good solicitor - speak to colleagues, family, friends for recommendations of a family law specialist.

Take copies of anything you can find - bank statements, pension letters, wage slips etc. These may be very useful in the future.

Keep your chin up - it will be hard, and it may be drawn-out & expensive, but you WILL be rid of him - but in your timescale, not his.

Good luck
Floss x

LittleMrsThrifty

If I were you I would give serious consideration to divorcing him. You'd have to be quick though, before he puts in a petition for some "unreasonable behaviour". My ex sounds so similar to yours and it mattered so much to me that I divorced him and not the other way around. It was my way of 'punishing' him for what he did by having it written down for all to see. When you get a letter from the court saying the district judge agrees that you should not reasonably be expected to stay married to the guy it will put a tiny little smile on your face - honest.

Get yourself a solicitor asap. You can't do this on your own.

cheepskate_2

I think 1st of all you have to seek legal advice before you do anything.

seeing as this could drag on for some time(in regards to house and ties with Exhubby)you may have to think about ,after you hear what a solicitor has to say, cutting your losses and pay half the negative equity to get rid of him and all the hassle that goes with him.

£10,000 would take you say 2 years to pay, assuming you are not on a good income,bearing in mind whatever you pay now for the mortgage would go to the loan instead.

. Having him trying to sell house at inflated price for xx amount of time, then dropping it bit by bit, all the time you are paying half the mortgage, this could go on for these 2 years, easy. Added into this you have to keep the property secure, pay insurances etc and deal with the ex.

Life is not fair sometimes and can be downright hard on an innocent party, but sometimes by looking at things differently you can move on quicker.

pupsicola

mandi wrote: »

Seems to me like he is bullying you . You don't have to sign the divorce papers , and in many ways this gives you some leverage .

I would ask him to get his solicitor to draw up a letter confirming that he is willing to pay off the negative equity & other fees once the house is sold . until that time tell him you will NOT sign anything .

Also arrange for you salary to go into another account asap .

I agree with this. When my ex and I divorced we were in a different financial situation to yourselves. However I refused to remove my name from our joint business until the financial side of our divorce was agreed (on terms I wanted). Think smart and look out for yourself.

pupsicola

LittleMrsThrifty wrote: »

If I were you I would give serious consideration to divorcing him. You'd have to be quick though, before he puts in a petition for some "unreasonable behaviour". My ex sounds so similar to yours and it mattered so much to me that I divorced him and not the other way around. It was my way of 'punishing' him for what he did by having it written down for all to see. When you get a letter from the court saying the district judge agrees that you should not reasonably be expected to stay married to the guy it will put a tiny little smile on your face - honest.

Get yourself a solicitor asap. You can't do this on your own.

Very wise words

Mk14:37

My first instinct is to refuse to sign anything until you have a binding agreement regarding the house.

You say that your mortgage lenders won't let you rent out the house, but can't you still take in a lodger under the government scheme? (Probably requires you to remain in the property though).

princeofpounds

Sorry, I appear to have missed something, maybe because I am reading on a mobile...

How exactly is this man 'taking you for everything'?

As far as I can see he is just trying to reduce the mortgage payments he has to make in a house which he gets no benefit from (having left you with sole occupation, which he didn't have to do) and that represents a huge further financial risk if house prices fall faster.

Given you are in negative equity you don't actually have any net wealth all he is doing is removing a subsidy he has been paying for your ongoing accommodation.

I appreciate he has been a jerk re the relationship and there might be a moral case to pay the negative equity if you had somehow limited your earnings power for him, but legally or financially speaking it's not an odd or unreasonable move.

Of course he should be paying half the negative equity at least. And really you should both be working to find a strategy that works in terms of equitably separating your finances.

princeofpounds

Hm, I probably come over too harsh in that. He is being difficult and borderline bullying with asking you to sign papers without advice etc, and sounds like he hasn't been fair in past re finances. But just wanted to make point that getting rid of the house is not unfair, if it can be done.

Blitz01

I don't mean to sound nasty, but why do you think he should pay all the negative equity.

Regardless of whether he ran off with another woman or not, it has no bearing on your JOINT financial responsibilities.

carolan78

It does have bearing because if he had not run off with another woman they would both still be living in the house together and the negative equity wouldn't be as much of an issue providing they didn't plan on selling until the market picks up or they have cleared some more of the mortgage.

When a marriage ends it isn't only the heart that gets hurt, as countless threads on here prove it can destroy people financially also. Look on the bankrupt boards and you will see it can leave people with no other alternative. So I think it is rather unfair to say his choices have no bearing on how the situation is delt with.