urg’s Happy, Healthy and Wealthy 2011 Diary

hypno06

((hugs)) buffy. I too find the lead up to the anniversary somewhat harder than the day itself,.....bizarre really!

urg, you are not supposed to know how you are going to feel on the day....you can't plan for any of this, that is why it is best just to "be" and to take whatever the day decides to through at you, whether good, bad, happy or sad.

Yes, you can say you are going to make plans, and "do" certain things, either as some sort of memorial, or just to keep yourself busy so that you don't wallow, but actually, that doesn't make any difference in my experience because it is just making you "do" things, rather than impacting on that deeper set of emotions, which of course is far stronger longer term (if that makes sense).

So, my advice is for you to actually tell yourself out loud that you will deal with whatever comes along. Don't tell yourself that you don't know if you will cope, or you don't know how you will get through it - tell yourself that you will deal with it. Because you will.

It is 6 years next month since I lost my Dad, and I think about him all the time - I talk about him lots, and he is ever present in so many things I do, like my running. I miss him terribly, and would give anything to have him back. Some days the waves of emotion do hit, and when they do, they hit hard. But, honestly, for the majority of the time now, although I miss him so so much, when I talk about him, or think about him, it is without the same level of pain that I had in the first 2 or 3 years.

It does get better - you never stop loving them, missing them, thinking about the "what ifs".....but I now see that as a positive thing, because I was lucky enough to have a parent that gave me all of that stuff that was "worth" missing, if that makes sense.

But there are no rules here - just because one person moves on and finds it easier in the first year, doesn't mean you should, or just because you see someone else still grieving 10 years down the line doesn't mean you will be...you are you, and your relationship with your Mum was and is yours and yours alone. So accept what happens, how you feel, etc as being right for you.

((hugs)) xxx

taxi73

HUGS to you ...can't really add anything as Buffy and Hypno sum it up so well and have been through the loss.XXXXXX

urg123

Oh what lovely, caring posts to wake up to - thank you all so much for sharing and supporting me. I think you are right about the anniversary - I am not sure that I can Mark that deep-down emotional feeling or it will be there on the day. I have taken some time off work to give myself some time out to allow me the space to deal with what does or doesn't come.

It's been another night of broken sleep. I stay in bed as I usually fall asleep again but the dark circles are starting to become a more permanent feature!

Not peeped out yet but if it's not raining, I think I'll head out for a walk and clear some cobwebs before I start the day.

Hope you all have a good day!

Urg x x

hypno06

The sleep thing is par for the course, sadly, as you will have noticed from my own diaries. But it does get better. It may not feel like it now, but it does.

Take care of you xxx

urg123

Thanks - you keep drinking that coffee and get home safely. Should get up now but may surf for a bit longer.

urg123

Ooohhhh just lost post!!!!!

Summary:
- 1 more NSD yesterday. Would have been 2 but was greedy!
- £1.80 due from Quidco
- No extra money made but do have money in bank after last DD went out. Get paid next week.
- No clothes for holiday - don't really have a summer wardrobe. Will try to get some nice pieces to see me into spring.

Got to go to bed - v tired and have early start tomorrow.

waving

urg x x

hypno06

Waving right back!

Sleep well x

taxi73

sleep well xx

[Deleted User]

Morning Urg,

Have found your diary and have subscribed.

I can also relate with regards to losing someone, I lost my Dad 8 years ago but can't add anything more than what's been said already but have plenty of (((HUGS))) to give.

I love your lists and am a great fan of them myself I find that they keep me organised for the day/week.

Well done on the NSD's too.

Tea
x

Swinstie73

Hey urg, hope you are being good to yourself. Buffy and Hypno summed everything up great, it'll be 18 years since I lost my dad and I'm getting married this year without him being there. He'll be looking down just as your mum will be on everything that you do - so make her proud! xx