The Great Declutter Part 3 - 2011

lessonlearned

I agree with the last three posters. I don't think it's really fair that your daughter should have to dispose of all her treasures just yet. She'll declutter when she's ready.

Just store most of it in the loft for now. Those storage bags that you fill and then suck out all the air with a hoover are good for clothes and textiles and don't take up much room. You could store several of those under the bed or in a drawer.

Of course your little one now needs her own room but your eldest daughter will still need a bed to come home too. One of those folding beds or even a blow up bed would do for occasional use and shouldn't take up too much room.

Don't be in a hurry to get rid of all her treasured possessions and make her sleep on a sofa, she will feel so hurt.

MaggieBaking

I like to organise by counting things... Eg, I have 15 teddy bears, how many teddy bears do I need? 8 sounds like a lot of teddy bears, I don't really need more than 8. OK, so I need to take 7 to the charity shop. I got these 3 teddies from my Mum, so I only need 1 and the big grey one is my favourite so I can get rid of the other 2. I know I really love the other 2 (the blue one a bit more!) however, I don't like them as much as the grey one so why do I need to keep it? I've had these other 2 teddies since I was very small so I couldn't get rid of them, so I will keep these. I got this teddy bear for finishing my GCSEs but I'm doing A Levels now and my GCSEs aren't so important I don't need it any more. This teddy bear is one of my very favourites however it smells now and looks a bit tatty and sad so I wont keep this one any more either...

And so on. I would like to say that I don't actually have any teddy bears but you get the general idea! It helps to look logically at clutter and think reasonably about "the big picture" before you look at everything individually.

For example if she has a shelf full of clutter, take everything off the shelf, put it onto the empty bed and tell her to "style" the shelf, putting the things she thinks are most important first. Then, when her shelf has, say, 8 items on and looks full, she can look at what's left and if she really wants to keep something she can ask herself if she can swap it with something on the shelf? Is the thing more important than what's on there already? No, so it isn't necessary.

I don't agree that she should be allowed to keep all of her carp just because she can't face throwing anything away, it's about maturity and children should be learning from a young age they can't have everything 'just because'. It reminds me of my niece who yesterday lost her 'favourite' bouncy ball and was very upset - her Dad asked her when the last time she played with it, 2 months ago at least so why was she upset to lose it? My nieces at Christmas will have a clear out afterwards to make room for their new toys. They understand that there isn't room for everything and they need to learn to detach from things that aren't important. They're 4 and 7!

If you have too many things you can't play with them all, look after them all and give them the love and attention beautiful things deserve.

Personally, I would suggest that you tell her you are going to clear out her room together, and that you can do a car boot with it in a week's time and all of the money earned will be hers to keep and spend on whatever she wants, and anything that doesn't sell gets donated to a charity shop. Or you could agree to help her eBay some times. Go through everything with her (and don't be confrontational, just keep asking logical questions in a non-exasperated tone!)

If you can't do that for whatever reason I don't see any harm in saying that she can't have anything new when she already owns so much and if she de-clutters to your satisfaction you can go shopping with her and buy some nice items to show that she doesn't need what she's lost. So if you throw out a load of things from her wardrobe you could buy her a new pair of jeans, or if she clears a lot of her make-up you could buy her some more eye shadows. Do this trying to teach her that de-cluttering is a great way of educating yourself of what is really important, what you really like and what has value. I've found throwing things out really helped curb my spending as I slowly realised what I was "wasting" on things I didn't really enjoy.

When you go through her wardrobe pile everything up - jumpers, cardigans, t-shirts, jeans etc. Count them so you know that 20 trousers is an unnecessary amount and before you keep anything it has to be tried on first.

Edit - having said all of that I agree with others who say that she should be allowed to keep some of her childhood at home and that it should be stored for when she has matured even further to sort through once again - there's just a limit on what is reasonable to keep! I also don't think she should have an "empty" room with only sentimental items stored, it is reasonable for her to leave things behind at home like clothes - she can't take everything with her and I believe you do need to keep some general living things at home as well as what is taken to Uni.

esmf73

Why not take some pictures of the things that she doesn't want to forget, and then limit the childhood memories to one underbed box. I would agree with making the bedroom the 6yr olds, but not pushing the older child out (as she might feel?). Alternatively - why not just speak to her and tell her the situation and ask her for her help with the solution. Best of luck with it all x

rosalie-lavender

As someone who has one son at university and another one hopefully due to go in October I agree now is not the time to clear her room out entirely. I certainly wouldn't expect any of mine to sleep on the sofa for 22 weeks out of the year as someone suggested.

I do agree though that there is going to have to be some decluttering because she will have more books and stuff once she starts her course. A good starting point would be to work out what she is actually going to need to take with her. The student forums have a list you can tailor to your own needs.

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/What_To_Take_To_University

Once you have worked out what she needs then you can go from there. I would go with the suggestiopn of the loft for some bits but I think it is reasonable to expect her to get rid of some stuff. Bear in mind if she is self catering, her kitchen stuff will need to come home at the end of the year even if the uni allow it to be stored in the the Easter and Christmas breaks. We currently have a load of pots and pans behind our sofa!

If she is going to come home for visits during term time using public transport a couple of sets of clothes left at home is a good idea.

I would be inclined to go through it with her. My daughter has just gone through her room and we tackled it a box or two at a time over the course of a week. I think because we did it together and bit by bit it became less of an overwhelming task. Next task is my sons room before he goes to university. His is just general mess rather than clutter but I am determined we will be able to see the floor before he goes.:rotfl:

Recently I read somewhere about someone who was taken outside his bedroom and asked to name all the things that were really important to him. They then used the list as a basis for clearing the clutter. I have started thinking along the same lines and I have got rid of a lot of stuff including some bits I have had for years. The have I used it for a year method is a good starting point too.

Good luck.

laloopi

I'd really recommend the declutteing scheme in Francine Jay's book The Joy of Less. there's an outline of it in this blog post http://fabulouslyfrugirl.wordpress.com/2011/02/18/book-review-the-joy-of-less/ but you might find more about it if you Google it. You can read the book contents and intro here http://www.missminimalist.com/jol-intro.pdf.

laloopi

Just to say, please don't throw anything away without checking. My parents used to do that and it's upsetting, especially when you're away from home for the first time and feeling insecure. I think it may be why I became a bit of a hoarder for a few years after buying my first house, as a sort of rebellion against them throwing everything away.

Allegra

One thing my daughter found works for her with soft toys, ornaments and the like - especially the ones she does not necessarily like, but can't bear to part with as they were gifts - is to take pictures of them and then stick them in a little Word doc with a few lines of who it was from, what was the occasion, any happy memories connected with it etc. Then the pic/doc is always there to remind her of it, and the thing itself can go to charity to make someone else happy and raise much-needed funds for the charity - thinking about it in this way helps her let go

purpleivy

My dd had a gap year and has now had 2 years at Uni, the next year will be on placement abroad before a final year at Uni. So... in the meanwhile we have all her domestic (she cooks and bakes just like her dear mum!) and personal stuff at home. I don't mind it being here, but I do object to the manner in which it's strewn all over her room and other rooms in the house.

We made a new workspace in her room for her. Does she put her sewing machine/laptop on it? No, she brings all her sewing carp downstairs and leaves it strewn over down here. But it's lovely to have her company rather than being shut up in her room like most young people do and like she used to do before she semi left home.

A way to reduce clothing....She had a lot of t-shirts, sweatshirts, guide neckers etc from courses, school and so on. She made them into a rag quilt, which has all her memories on it. I've got a photo somewhere, which I'll try to post. It got bags and bags of stuff into a useable item. I'm making a different one for a friend's daughter at the moment. It's quite different to this one. More like Bella's Quilt from the film Twilight.

Flibsey

I'm currently making a quilt out of bits and bobs too lol.

when decluttering I have 3 boxes : keep/sentimental/useful, not used in 6 months: keep just in case and not used in a year: bin

keep stuff gets distributed about the house; most recent examples are the two atlasses my nanna bought for me (3 months apart, same book, dementia, great memory of how happy she looked as she handed over the book each time knowing it'd make my day), my university ID card with a photo of me with a jar of marmite on my head and a box containing my daughter's baby shoes and my old school ties.

not used in 6 months stuff gets boxed and stored then reviewed in another 6 months. if i still want it, it gets kept.

bin stuff is sealed and thrown away before I can change my mind. I'm a pack rat hoarder

pinkteapot

Is she going to be staying in halls of residence during term time?

If so, she will literally have one small room. I was in halls for all three years of uni and similar to your daughter was home in all vacations (adding up to 24 weeks of the year - wouldn't have fancied a sofa!). The first term I took WAY too much stuff, it didn't really all fit in my room. Terms were 8 weeks each. By third year I had it down to the essentials for 8 week stints only. I was lucky enough to be able to leave my bedroom at home as it was while I was away. When I came home and then moved out of home a few months after uni finished, at that point I took everything from my room and was glad I still had certain things, even though they hadn't gone to uni with me.

Point being, if she's coming back and forth for every vacation, the easiest way is not try and take 'all her stuff'. If you've got space to store the rest of her things (loft?) then let her keep what she wants. It's a bit weird living like that for three years - you feel quite nomadic.

If she ends up in a private rented property in the second and third years she will be able to live there all year round.