Buyers are camped in our garden over Christmas

schiff

thejonesfamily wrote: »

out of respect to them, i have never had this joke. They are very formal people, devout catholics so much so, they wouldnt use a brolly if it rained.

I have 6 sisters in law.

Looking out of the window the Clampetts are just locking up the van, half hour early! Must be time for their constitutional or maybe they are peckish. Oh they even appear to be carrying a bottle. Crikey, I hope they mind their Ps and Qs as the in laws are a little on the "jolly hockeysticks"

You could attach the Clampetts to a couple of rockets now the fireworks have started. Very fitting for the two stars of your sitcom!

poet123

Dont mention the *manual*..........mil and fil wouldn't like the handwritten notes esp page 69.

shirlgirl2004

wish i had thebook so I could check out page 69.:rotfl:

dacouch

shirlgirl2004 wrote: »

wish i had thebook so I could check out page 69.:rotfl:

It's the same as number 69 on the Happy Dragon Menu in my local High Street...Two Can Chew

john539

Good wind-up.

clutton_2

Sure its not Toucan Chews ? orientals often eat funny things....

thejonesfamily

Good morning - i type this with a heavy head. The blue nun and babycham went down to well last night, especially after the Clampetts had to be dragged out back to their caravan.

So as I left you, they were walking up the drive. Well, they came in early to use the loo which was fine. At this rather last min do, we had my mum and dad (who are very laid back) and her mum and dad. As I have mentioned, her mum and dad are devout Catholics. Her mum wears pencil pleat skirts and tidy blouses and her father always wears an M&S suit. In fact, if a burglar went into their home at 3am, we would still put on the suit to go downstairs.

So the first hour went alright. The clampetts were a bit tanked up when they got here and they contributed half a bottle of port which I realised was my Tawny out of the cupboard ( i didnt see them take it the other night).

However, at 11.30pm, the mother in law decided to go on the hunt for a bottle opener and unfamiliar with the kitchen went through a number of drawers. As you can imagine our horror, Mrs Head pulls out the Joy of Sex book Mrs J tucked away and was staring at in in horror. To make matters worse,Mrs Clampett who was two sheets to the wind, went in and saw Mrs Catholic looking at the book and said (to the most formal people you could meet) "With 7 children, you must know that book off by heart" "Your son in law is very meticulous - have you seen his notes"

Well after earwigging that from the dining area, I had to send Mrs J to retrieve and put the book in the bin, telling her Mum that it was something we found in the loft from the previous owners when clearing it out. To say they were reserved all night after that was something else. My parents thought it was hilarious and got a bit friendly with the Clampetts, so much so that Mrs C decided to mention the terrible 2010 and his "affair". This resulted in quite a feroucious an argument between the Clampetts so much so that we missed Big Ben at 12am and were trying to manage the situation.

We felt for Mr Clampett, his wife has a terrible mouth on her. She started belittling his bedroom technique and says their marriage has only lasted so long thanks to Viagra, to which he retorted and this is unforgivable

"I didn't need viagra with Maryanne" (the doctors wife whom he had the affair with).


After that comment she threw her Snowball drink at him and walked out. I took Mr C on a dog walk to try and calm him down and to try and talk sense. He explained on the walk round that Maryanne made him feel young and the reason they got to know each other was when%

halight

This is just great the best thred iv ever read on here.

Happy new year

wearside_2

thejonesfamily wrote: »

Good evening all. Thanks for the encouragement for the script writing, however I am sure there is better talent out there.

Anyway, it is 22.04 and the in laws and out lawss are here for a drinkie poos. Mrs J has just cooked us a fabulous Mousaka and we are waiting for the countdown to 2011. We hadnt invited the clampetts as they said they were going out to the pub, but when I was walking past the campervan at 9pm this evening, they were both in watching TV.

So it is with a heavy heart and probably a bit too much Blue Nun inside me, that I knocked on the door and invited the Clampetts over at 11pm for an hour.

Finally on behalf of the Jones Family, Jan and Pete Jones (my folks) and Diane and Richard Head (Her folks), we wish you all a very merry new Year,

sorry a bit sozzled.

I used to work with a Richard Head. He was always known as !!!!!!!

veridisa_2

He explained on the walk round that Maryanne made him feel young and the reason they got to know each other was when%

AARRRRGGHHH when what pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeee i need to know