Buyers are camped in our garden over Christmas

thejonesfamily

Hmmmm,

Slight problem.

The Clampetts arent getting on. Last night at 10pm, Mrs C came knocking on the door in floods of tears. Mr C found out about Wheelbarrow Dave and started smashing up the house which is quite a feat for someone who isnt allowed to do anything given his broken bones.

I decided to make a swift exit and pop down the Garage for a Take a Break magazine for Mrs J (she likes to see how the other half live, I say we should just visit Merthyr).I grabbed the dog and off we went. Munching on my yorkie on the way home, I decided to pop by the old house. Well the dog ran up the drive and around the back so I had no choice as he was out the back sat on the patio set we forgot to take with us smoking weed.

I told him not to worry about the wife, she was at ours. He said we could keep her, he never wants to clap eyes on her again. I asked him what was wrong and explained that Mrs C was cooking a lasagne and called out Dave instead of his name. He asked her who Dave was and after pretending it was an error, gave in and told him. They argued and he got angry. "She doesnt even like gardening" he complained and I find out he is the master in the bedroom and your patio table.

I explained it was probably her way of getting back at him and to be honest, hurting him meant she cared. He couldnt see my point and then offered me a joint.

I declined and ina drunken state said t me "you arent whiter than white"

"What do you mean" I asked

"You took her down to Devon to meet Farmer Dave he replied.

No, i was as surprised when he turned up at the hotel.

What hotel" replied Mr C

And then, I had to make it worse. I told him the bare basics.

He went silent and I decided to leave.

I got back home to find the wives in the kitchen drinking my columbian decaf. I made my excuses and went to bed. I thought Mrs J would have got the hint to come up and spill the gossip, but they stayed up half the night and it was only when I went downstairs this morning naked that I saw Mrs C wide awake laying on the sofa.

Lets just say, breakfast was a little embarrasing this morning. I kinda wish we left the heating on this morning as the bedroom was a little nippy and clearly Mrs C saw the lot and when she offered to plate up the breakfast and asked Mrs J if she would prefer a "larger sausage".

She is now staying with us as she finds Mr unbearable. Mr C hasnt been round yet to apologise/slap his wife so now I am just about to go downstairs and dig out the trivial pursuit as our Sky dish still hasnt turned up and the TV reception is poor. I just hope it is a quiet week on Pobol Y Cwm

clutton_2

""Well the dog ran up the drive and around the back so I had no choice as he was out the back sat on the patio set we forgot to take with us smoking weed."

what a brilliantly clever dog to be able to be able to roll its own joint and smoke it.....

Rikki

clutton wrote: »

""Well the dog ran up the drive and around the back so I had no choice as he was out the back sat on the patio set we forgot to take with us smoking weed."

what a brilliantly clever dog to be able to be able to roll its own joint and smoke it.....

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I read it the same way.

peaceandfreedom

thejonesfamily wrote: »

I decided to make a swift exit and pop down the Garage for a Take a Break magazine for Mrs J (she likes to see how the other half live, I say we should just visit Merthyr).

ROFL! :rotfl::rotfl:

SPANIEL36

thought the oven had broken so how could she remove the plates with the 'dirty dirty' tea cloth!!

peaceandfreedom

SPANIEL36 wrote: »

thought the oven had broken so how could she remove the plates with the 'dirty dirty' tea cloth!!

Well spotted! Continuity error there, thejonesfamily.

Though I suppose if you were determined to believe this tale, you could just assume that Mrs C was lying the first time because she wanted a free Chinese takeaway.

tamarto

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

Well spotted! Continuity error there, thejonesfamily.

Though I suppose if you were determined to believe this tale, you could just assume that Mrs C was lying the first time because she wanted a free Chinese takeaway.

or it gets warm but not hot enough to cook food.;)

thejonesfamily

re the oven,

sorry i should have been more specific

"the oven is broken, but the top oven (tiny grill thing) works"

you couldnt cook in the top oven\grill

been in the office today so just got home. Mr C knocked on the door last night (just as i was winning at trivial pursuit) and she made her excuses and scuttled off. Not heard a word since, except her pajamas are still on the bed and her knickers in the corner. I never knew they made G Strings in Evans. It was the dog that drew our attention to them this morning as he jumped on the bed with gusset breath having chewed on them and left them provocatively in the hallway

to the dogs defence, he rolls a good joint.

outofmoney

Wow, it has taken me nearly 7 hours to read through. The kids have been totally ignored and I have never been away from Facebook for so long.

This really must be published, either as a fiction book or in Take a Break magazine (They only do real stories you know!) I'm sure Mrs J would love to find herself in her favourite mag.

Joyful

You had better make sure the tenancy agreement allows you to have lodgers as I can see either of them becoming one.:D