Worried sick, my daughter losing weight/won't eat

KittyLady

I went through a similar problem with my daughter two years ago, food was being thrown away, she'd sneak her food up to the bathroom in her mouth. Scared the life out of me.
In my case I was lucky, the birth of her younger brother shook her out of it, when she held a tiny baby and told me how she wanted to be a mum one day. She was told about how she needed to look after her body or she'd struggle to be a parent, as her brother grew she struggle to even lift him. It scared her, the thought she'd maybe not have kids, and certainly wouldn't have the strength to pick them up.
She's now a healthy weight, we do the wii fit together and she works at keeping herself at a healthy BMI, which a lot of the time means she actually demands food now to keep her weight up.

nzmegs

I was similar to your daughter at her age. O.I was extremely self conscious about my weight and always watched everything I ate. I never ate breakfast or lunch and started eating when i got home from school. I also refused to let my friends see me eat as i felt fatter than them all the time.

But....I was not anorexic. I had some strange eating phobias and habits but I ate enough to keep myself going. I lost weight at times and put it on at other times. this behaviour has led to a life long obsession with my weight, but this is not all that different to most women. What would have been helpful as a teenager was to have all of the facts surrounding weight loss, the amount of food required ad he postive effects of exercise.

Lots of young girls seem to believe that the only way to lose weight is to stop eating. they don't undertand the value of eating well and how it can influence how they feel. ids simply don't put all of these facts together.

it might be helpful for you and your daughter to discuss healthy weights for her size, talk about how you need fuel to do all of the things she loves to do and work out how many calories she needs each day to achieve those things.Trying to live your life on a perpetual diet is exhausting and she may not realise this. Also point out to her that losing weight now leads to future weight gain as she will lose precious fat burning muscle.

See how she goes over Christmas and then talk to a doctor.

catieeb06

A great charity organisation is called BEAT. www.b-eat.co.uk. My mum found them a great help when I was suffering from Binge Eating disorder.

I'm not sure where you are in the country but I attended a charity called Syeda which stands for South Yorkshire Eating Disorder Association. They run 1-2-1 sessions, group sessions even holistic therapy sessions to try and make you forget the world for an hour.

My advice, just talk to her. Don't do anything underhand or sneaky cos that will just show a lack of trust in her.

Gavin83

I agree with the people who say just talk to her, ask her if there is anything wrong and see what she says. You can't force her to go to the doctors so you really need her on your side before this becomes and option.

WorriedMum1_3

I understand your point delain, but I don't think it's that she doesn't want to eat in front of us, I think it is something more serious sadly. I wouldn't look at her history or be this worried if I didn't. She always makes what she wants for lunch, for breakfast, but eats with us for dinner. I've tried letting her pick something else that she wants, or take her shopping and she can pick something, she has picked things then doesn't want to eat them.

I won't rush her to the GP especially as it's so close to Christmas.... but I am going to have a good talk with her tonight, or just spend some time with her and see. I spoke to her football coach by phone this morning who said she's not been showing up for footabll and told some of the other girls in the team she quit, we knew nothing about this.

You are right, looking at her private things would mean she might trust me less. I'll only do this as a last resort.

Thank you for the help and information so far everybody, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. She didn't eat again this morning, pakced her lunch but i have no way of knowing what happens with it of course.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

WorriedMum1 wrote: »

You are right, looking at her private things would mean she might trust me less. I'll only do this as a last resort.

But you could suddenly develop a problem with the internet. If she loses the plot (rather than just telephoning friends instead - and asking for the top up to pay for it), I would be very suspicious of what goes on when you can't see her messages. Changing the router password would achieve this without actually damaging the computer.


You could also then, to 'fix it' get access to the laptop, and block access to certain sites/check browsing history, etc.

Although, quite frankly, if she's likely to get hysterical if anything is out of her control, down to whether her favourite baggy jumper is dry from the wash yet, you may as well do whatever it takes, rather than tiptoe around her.

Sounds horrid, but if not eating/vomiting has become an addiction, then treat it as if you suspected she were smoking heroin in her bedroom. I'm sure you wouldn't avoid checking her 'personal stuff' out if that were the case, would you? Both are potentially deadly.


Beware the toilet visit where the tap is left running for the entire time as well, or the 3 pints of water sloshed in with the meal.

I hope everything is OK in the end for you all.

Loulou2010

just wanted to post this - you've had a lot of good advice already

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/parent-toolkit.php

just wondered if she will do things like cook her own dinner? let her choose something and cook for the family? or bake a cake etc

ETA just wanted to add in case anyone hasnt, i would have a discreet chat with her tutor at school. just say that you THINK there may be a problem. they may be able to educate them a little on eating disorders and what it does to your body. she may accept it coming from teachers in a class situation

Rebekah24

As a person who has struggled with things for 15 + years, these dont seem like typical symptoms. Maybe something else is on her mind or bothering her?? - deffinately agree with taking some time out with her, just spend some time with her..no big tense conversation

In my experience, nobody would ever of noticed me missing any meals. Genrally people with eds are good at hiding things and do not act in a way in which will draw attention to them not eating. Really hope you get to the bottom of things and it improves fast for you guys

Thinking of you xx

RAS

WorriedMum1 wrote: »

She's definitely been getting a bit thinner, eating less. She is not a skinny girl, just average, and she's very sporty.

She is very sporty and she is not attending some of her sports activities?

Do you know where she is when you expected her to be doing sport?

System

In my teens i lost a LOT of weight because i had no appetite, this was as i've now discovered a symptom of my depression which i've had since i was 11. My parents never said anything for fear of upsetting me, until i ended up in hospital after overdosing. I'm not saying this to worry you further but if it is a symptom with say depression (or an ED) etc then the sooner she gets help the better.