Worried sick, my daughter losing weight/won't eat

WorriedMum1_3

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

You know I would caution a bit against escalating this too much. I think in the first instance you need to have a proper conversation with her where you tell her you're worrying about her and try to get some more info from her about what's going on. Could you have a mum and daughter pampering night or maybe there's somewhere you need to go together that's a bit of a drive (cars are often good for tackling tricky questions, you're trapped together but don't have to look at each other). Try spending some time with her over the holidays and see if you can pick up any clues. Realistically if this an issue you aren't going to get anywhere with it before Christmas so try to relax a bit over the festivities and give her a chance to talk to you about things.

However if you still have the same concerns post christmas then I think what the others here have suggested is good. I'm just always wary of something like this triggering a lot of attention and panic, it's easy to escalate things when what you really want is to try to relax them.

Just a personal opinion though, you're her mum and you will know her best - listen to your gut on this.

Yes, I'm going to try look on the internet and get some information tonight, and these replies, and 2 lovely people PMing me, have been extremely helpful too. :A
I won't rush her off to the doctor, as said will look at her computer, after school tomorrow hubby can take out the other kiddies and we can watch a film and try talk over things a bit.

WorriedMum1_3

I used the NHS BMI calculator and the result for her is 'Underweight'.

morganedge

WorriedMum1 wrote: »

I used the NHS BMI calculator and the result for her is 'Underweight'.

wouldn't worry a great deal about that, personally.
Go by how she looks and not some calculation that doesn't take into account body composition.
Lots of bodybuilders are 'overweight' according to these calculations, yet have very very low body fat %.

shaven-monkey

Seeing as BMI is ... a bunch of generalisations anyway I wouldn't get too upset about the underweight result.
While learning about stuff on the internet is a wonderful thing, perhaps it would be an idea to ask her to go shopping with you and then get stuck in snow for an hour or so, this would give you time to just ask her what's up. Make sure she doesn't have her mobile or mp3 player handy or (gawd forbid) a book.
Ask her to tell you what's going on. Don't get emotional, judgemental or tell her about what you've read on the internet.
If all else fails tell her you're terrified that she's involved with the international bunny juggling cartels or something equally rediculous.

pupsicola

I haven't had the chance to read the replies already on here. The first thing that went through my mind wasn't an eating disorder but to wonder if she may be pregnant. I hope this doesn't come across wrong.

I lost alot of weight in the first few weeks of both my pregnancies. I could barely face eating anything, would only eat tiny amounts of things I fancied, never main meals and then be violently sick. All things that would look odd in a teen if you didn't think anything else could be causing it.

I hope you get to the bottom of it quickly, must be a terrible worry.

ameliarate

I would have to agree with Belfastgirl that you should not panic just yet. Communication is the key thing, you must talk to her and try to find out what is happening in her life. It could be caused by so many things and if you can get her to open up to you it is possible that you can get this sorted now before it gets any worse.

She must know that she can trust you absolutely, which may sound odd when talking about mother and daughter but frankly you might be shocked to find out how many girls cannot trust their mums, at all.

I hope it goes well and you get it sorted quickly.

[Deleted User]

I think you should talk to her and find out if she has body weight issues, perhaps you can persuade her to see a nutritionist that will explain how important it is to eat a balanced diet, without necessarily putting on weight. Fail that, definitely see her GP. Good luck, it is not easy being a parent.

Caroline_a

You mentioned that she is very sporty - have you thought about talking to her sports teachers/coaches? I coach athletics and have seen several young girls become anorexic (not ones in my training group), but it affected their performance seriously for several years, so that they could not compete at all. One in particular was hospitalised, and has never regained the levels she was at prior to this horrible affliction. One of the things to look for is baggy clothing, refusing to wear strappy sports tops (essential for training in comfort if doing something that makes you hot!) - one girl even refused to wear makeup as she felt that the grease in the makeup would go through her skin and make her fatter!

Try to address this as soon as possible - it is often brought on by low self-esteem, so spent a lot of time praising rather than criticising (easier said than done with teenagers, I know!) Good luck.

delain

WorriedMum1 wrote: »

Hiya

Thanks everybody for the wonderful replies.

I made dinner and she ate hers, making comments to me with teary eyes "look mum, I'm eating" throughout that. I am going to do a lot of research tonight and then I'll talk to her properly tomorrow. She's in bed now, I am goig to take a look at her laptop which sits outside her room.. I feel nosey but would rather know what kind of things she is looking at incase there is anything worrying on there. My husband agrees that taking her to a doctor sooner rather than later is the best way to go as we can't really resolve the issue ourselves at home, most likely.

No I definitely don't think she is pregnant!!

Thanks again for the support it was heartbreaking to hear her beg me to not take her but you all have given me strength to realise, that it is the right thing, really.

For goodness sake leave the girl alone!

I had all this from my mum, I felt really self consious about eating in front of people (even my family), and my mum was working full time and got serious use of her deep fryer, and I got dragged to the doctors because I 'must be anorexic' :eek:

All the negative attention won't help.

Have you actually asked her what she wants to eat? No one ever thought to ask me, far better to humiliate me in front of the family doctor than actually ask me what I feel like eating and let me eat it in private.

KiKi

delain wrote: »

For goodness sake leave the girl alone!

I had all this from my mum, I felt really self consious about eating in front of people (even my family), and my mum was working full time and got serious use of her deep fryer, and I got dragged to the doctors because I 'must be anorexic' :eek:

But there's a difference between being self-conscious and being made to eat deep-fat fryer food - and losing weight, not eating meals, and telling your mum you'll eat at school and then dumping your lunch in the bin, hiding it, being secretive and lying.

It *might* be nothing, which is why the OP is talking to her daughter about it, and not dragging her to the doctor's.

But 'leaving her alone' is not an option.


KiKi