Worried sick, my daughter losing weight/won't eat

WorriedMum1_3

Thank you all. I will definitely check her history tonight, laptop is outside her room. I'm going to do a lot of research.

alwaysonthego_2

The earlier the diagnosis the better the outcome and chance of full recovery.

There are many reasons for anorexia; but the main symptoms are extreme loss of weight, refusing to eat and secretive behaviour. Many individuals with anorexia do not realise they have a problem and denial is a common problem. You need to contact your GP for a diagnosis and support.


edit- forgot to say anorexia is classed as a mental disorder under the Mental Health Act 1983.

If it does get out of hand and you are concerned that she has lost too much weight and is not eating you can apply for her to be admitted to hospital under a section 2/3 for compulsary treatment(under section 63) but she needs to have a diagnosis beforehand, obviously this is the last resort as it is best for an individual to seek help on a voluntary basis, but it is important you know your rights.

KiKi

Hi there

So sorry to hear about this. I just wanted to add, the fact that she's begged you not to is something you mustn't give in to, as heart-rending as it may be. If she realises your love and concern for her mean you back down when she threatens not to eat, then she knows she has control of you. You must, must, must take her to a good doctor who will listen, and you can always go yourself first to assess what they're like and how they will be with her before she goes along, too.

Checking her web history is a good idea (although telling her you've done it afterwards might invoke the 'you invaded my privacy!' hysteria!), and C_P's post about the sorts of foods you do need her to eat is very good.

A teenager at a church I used to go to had an eating disorder, and in the end her parents picked her up every lunchtime and took her home to eat with them. She wasn't allowed to see her friends until she'd eaten. It sometimes took hours - literally - to get her to eat half a sandwich. It was harsh, but it was something she did respond to so it worked for her. I guess it depends very much on the individual.

I wish you all the best.
KiKi

barbiedoll

I don't want to alarm you even more but is there any chance that she could be pregnant? Many young girls simply can't face up to the fact and think that by not eating, they will be able to disguise any weight gain. Plus, she could also be feeling sick and if she is scared/worried, that will make her lose her appetite too. It could also be why she doesn't want to see the GP (a lot of girls think that a doctor can tell that they're pregnant just by looking at them!)

Whatever the reason is, I hope you can find some answers soon. I can understand how worried you are, don't worry about her privacy at this time, her physical need is greater than her need for privacy. Do let us know how you get on.

vixtay_2

WorriedMum1 wrote: »

Thank you.

There are other GPs there *palm face*. The school doesn't have a nurse, no. Should I get her to the doctors ASAP? I am worried as it's sort of the unknown.....

sent you a pm x

minimoneysaver

Can I ask, what is her hight and weight (roughly)? Is it possible she is just trying to drop a few pounds to get a guy interested in her?

alwayspuzzled

I was also going to ask if you'd considered pregnancy? I'm now having my 4th (but 6th pregnancy) and every time I've completely lost my appetite for the 1st 4 or 5 months, to the extent of actually losing weight - sweets and snacks don't interest me and I only manage to force main meals down out of determination to look after the bump.

This would also tie in with the fear of seeing a doc esp if the doctor already knows.

Hopefully its just a period of experimentation with extreme dieting I know most of my school friends did this at around 4th/5th yr, many of them also using lacatives. Luckily most of us realized fairly quickly how pointless it is. But (and I know this makes the tightrope even more slippery) I think if it had gained us exteme attention it might have encouraged it.

Maybe a heart to heart would be more effective than anything else?

KK22_2

Definitely take her to the doctor's to get her checked over. As others have said, please don't give in to emotional pleas... you have big enough concerns to raise this as an issue so don't ignore your gut instinct on this.

I'd also recommend that you have a chat with her to outline your reasons why you're planning to take her to a doctor. Let her know about your concerns, tell her that you understand she doesn't want to go but at the end of the day, you're not willing to take a risk with her health. Let her know that there is nothing too big she can't discuss with you as well. No matter how supportive your parents are, whatever is going on in your life at 15 can seem far too difficult to discuss without it even being classed as "serious".

belfastgirl23

You know I would caution a bit against escalating this too much. I think in the first instance you need to have a proper conversation with her where you tell her you're worrying about her and try to get some more info from her about what's going on. Could you have a mum and daughter pampering night or maybe there's somewhere you need to go together that's a bit of a drive (cars are often good for tackling tricky questions, you're trapped together but don't have to look at each other). Try spending some time with her over the holidays and see if you can pick up any clues. Realistically if this an issue you aren't going to get anywhere with it before Christmas so try to relax a bit over the festivities and give her a chance to talk to you about things.

However if you still have the same concerns post christmas then I think what the others here have suggested is good. I'm just always wary of something like this triggering a lot of attention and panic, it's easy to escalate things when what you really want is to try to relax them.

Just a personal opinion though, you're her mum and you will know her best - listen to your gut on this.

WorriedMum1_3

Hiya

Thanks everybody for the wonderful replies.

I made dinner and she ate hers, making comments to me with teary eyes "look mum, I'm eating" throughout that. I am going to do a lot of research tonight and then I'll talk to her properly tomorrow. She's in bed now, I am goig to take a look at her laptop which sits outside her room.. I feel nosey but would rather know what kind of things she is looking at incase there is anything worrying on there. My husband agrees that taking her to a doctor sooner rather than later is the best way to go as we can't really resolve the issue ourselves at home, most likely.

No I definitely don't think she is pregnant!!

Thanks again for the support it was heartbreaking to hear her beg me to not take her but you all have given me strength to realise, that it is the right thing, really.