Am I being unreasonable?

Nat1977

I have known for a few weeks now that my OH is going Karting with a few lads from work. Last night he tells me that it is actually someones stag do and he didnt realise until yesterday, okay i thogut fair enough.

He has just phoned me and informed me that he wont be coming home tonight as he has had a drink and they intend to go clubbing. Now I am left at home with no money and 4 kids.

I wanted to go out for a xmas drink a couple of weeks ago with his mum and sister, but couldnt afford it, he knew i couldnt afford it, but he still didnt offer me money to go.

We never go anywhere as a couple or a family as he says he is too tired or has no money.

I am feeling incredibly angry now and pee'd off that I didnt get to go out myself.

Am i justified in feeling angry?

McKneff

I agree with you entirely, how does he have money and you dont.

How are your finances sorted especially when you have 4 kids.

Tell him to get himself home or he wont have a home to come home to tomorrow

And if he doesnt, follow it through, lock all the doors and dont let him in, his mates and himself seem to come before you five.

If he has been drinking now, where is he going between now and when the clubs open.

Dont be peed off when or if he comes home today. Tell him you need to have a good long discussion and do it, but calmly.

I certainly wouldnt put up with his 'single lad' behaviour.

RacyRed

Nat1977 wrote: »

I have known for a few weeks now that my OH is going Karting with a few lads from work. Last night he tells me that it is actually someones stag do and he didnt realise until yesterday, okay i thogut fair enough.

He has just phoned me and informed me that he wont be coming home tonight as he has had a drink and they intend to go clubbing. Now I am left at home with no money and 4 kids.

I wanted to go out for a xmas drink a couple of weeks ago with his mum and sister, but couldnt afford it, he knew i couldnt afford it, but he still didnt offer me money to go.

We never go anywhere as a couple or a family as he says he is too tired or has no money.

I am feeling incredibly angry now and pee'd off that I didnt get to go out myself.

Am i justified in feeling angry?

Yes, your anger is very justified.

Your OH is being a selfish so and so :mad:

Tropez

I'd feel a bit annoyed to be honest if I were in that situation.

My partner is away this weekend on a hen weekend. She runs her own business but it has been struggling lately due to the recession hitting our area pretty hard and as such has had to limit some of her expenses, particularly with regards to going out. She's a very social person so I know it isn't particularly pleasant for her to be stuck indoors, hence I've been taking her out. Even though she abhors taking anything that could be seen as a handout from me, I gave her some money for the weekend so that she would be able to have a good time without worrying about the cost of everything.

I always figure that in a relationship, even if finances are kept separate, there is still a degree to which it is right to ensure that the other person has access to some money. Even though our finances are largely kept separate I wouldn't dream of spending my money solely on myself if I knew she also wanted to have some fun and couldn't.

arbroath_lass

I suppose it depends really.

Why do you have no money?
Are you married/living together?
Are the kids his?
How do you normally manage finances?
Has he saved for this and you didn't save for your night out?

Not really enough information to decide who is being unreasnable.

Nat1977

I have no money because I pay ALL the bills, including rent.
We are living together and the children are his. He doesnt have nothing to do with finances and relys on me to sort everything ot, he just gives me a set amount each week which barely covers the weekly shop. He didnt save to go out, he got paid yesterday, so he will be skint for the rest of the week now and probably rely on me to bail him out!

Emmzi

do some maths on what the CSA would make him give you then have a serious conversation. It'll give him some perspective.

If you're doing all the finances as it is, what is it he contributes to the relationship?

arbroath_lass

So you don't need to ask us if you're being unreasonable, really. Of course you're not.

If he relies on you to sort everything out can you give him a list of everything you are paying and tell him he has to pay more?

Oh, and DON'T BAIL HIM OUT!

You need to get this sorted. Have a (((hug)))

BitterAndTwisted

Nat1977 wrote: »

He just gives me a set amount each week which barely covers the weekly shop.

In that case the bloody blighter isn't contributing enough to the household finances!

Sit down with a pen and paper, write down every single penny that gets spent and INSIST that he makes a sensible contribution. No one person should have personal spends if the other is scrimping. If he can't or won't then you're not in a partnership, you're a substitute for his Mum who just happens to take care of his kids as well.

paulsad

Ditch him and his kids - sorry I'm feeling bombastic and had a pint or two.
You unreasonable? - no way. He is a selfish sob.

robpw2

do you know whos house they are staying at ? i would drive kids round and drop them off and say to him he needs to loo after the, emergency and see how he likes it