Frightened of my lodger - help???

Scoflo

Hi babe

i have just read your thread and I am concerned about what I read. here are some links which might help you. This is a Scottish one but has info which might help in your situation Stalking.

I don't think I am being over the top in anticipating this.

This is for domestic abuse. The4y can give advice and recommend someone who is available for you to talk things through. Having been abused in the past it is understandable you are having the same thoughts and feelings, including aprehension and not listening to your instincts.

Womens Aid will also gladly help you. They will totally understand what you have been through and how vuloberable you are. If you speak to your local one they will also have a small purse and lots of tactics to help in your situation. sadly I have a feeling its not over yet.

You have dealt with this showing great strength and having access to this forum seems to have helped you enormously. perhaps it would help to also have some other friends/family/associates who are just at the end of the phone? Womens Aid will allow you to pop in and also run groups so they know exactly what you have been and are still going through.

I hope this helps.

poppysarah

Report it to the police. They've been very good so far so give them a chance to shine again.

sugarbabe-47

Thank you. I have reported to Police and they are coming round tonight at 7pm I am not scared anymore and if he has gone into revenge mode more fool him - he will dig himself further and further, but with the Police helping me every step here I feel very safe. My son is worrying more than me at the moment-understandable, but I will not be intimidated/bullied/frightened any more by this man. I refuse to - been there before and it made me very ill. Like I have said I am doing everything I can to protect myself and my dog at this time-hopefully he will either realise this and leave me alone or he will indeed be locked up/sectioned whatever it takes really.
I am just trying to carry on with my life at the moment and this irritation will go soon - I hope!!! So sad that this has happened, but not going to let it control my life. I am strong enough to see this through (well I think I am!!!)

casperlarue

I have been following your thread sugarbabe and only want to send you my best wishes and a big "well done" for being so strong in facing up to your ex-lodger.

I wish you, your 4-legged friend and your family a peaceful Christmas and New Year

sugarbabe-47

Hi all
Police been and gone - well for now we agree that ex lodger could be a bit miffed at being thrown out, also they are aware of his mental condition and this may be a one-off and are monitoring situation. I am happy with this.
My son was present and we asked all the questions we needed to and the Police have advised not to change my life habits but to carry on as normal, also to 999 them if anything else happens to worry/frighten me. I am ok with all this as I have covered everything, my son is going to get some cctv installed for me - so hopefully this will soon end. Its an awkward situation really, if the Police tried to locate him and warn him off-he could retaliate, something I don't want. So for now we are all monitoring everything and the Police are going to send someone round later this week to see if anything else has happened. I have complete faith in the Police and I feel safe.
The more I think about it maybe he is just trying to frighten me but I will not allow him to
Thanks all.
Sugar xxx

ih8stress

Hi Sugarbabe. I'm SO glad you are fighting this and not going into victim mode. You are definitely taking the right attitude.

See what a huge difference a week can make? You are already a much stronger person and fighting back in a calm and controlled manner (instead of stooping to his levels).

Well done. We are all behind you 100%. Hopefully he will get the message soon and slink off to get the treatment he obviously needs.

It's great to hear about all the people supporting you too.

As always, take care.

nell53

So glad that the police are being so helpful to you and well done for tackling this latest event head-on. Take care

blue_monkey_2

The difference a week can make! I am pleased that the police have been so supportive to you and you can get through this. I am amazed in the change in you, you must be really proud if yourself and that in itself will make you stronger. He certainly does not like it does he?



So now..... as an after thought - I know he was your friend but you never know what secrets he has been harbouring, have you tried googling him to see if you can find anything?

When I was younger I was going out with this bloke - had been with him a while - he lived 100 miles away but used to spend a fair amount of time at mine when he was not 'working'. He gave me his car but after a few weeks I did not feel comfortable with it and so I gave it back to him. A few weeks after this we was due to go on holiday with my family so I went to collect him and he was not there so I called his phone, no answer, I called his friend and his friend told me that he was sent to prison yesterday..... :eek::eek::eek::eek: I asked why and he just said 'stuff'. To this day I have no idea what for. I was speechless, just said 'oh, OK, thanks' and put the phone down. Pretty peed off that I had to pay for the holiday and hire car myself tbh!!

Then about 4 months later I got letters to say that he had been in an open prison and that he had escaped and been on he run for 3 months. !!!!!!????? :eek::eek::eek::eek:

This was before the internet existed but now google will pick things up in local news so it might be worth having a look at to see if he had been in trouble before. I am wondering why the police are being SO supportive and if there is something that they know, but that you don't. Just a thought really, I wondered if he was 'known' to them.

I did smile at the thought of them both stepping in front of you to protect you though. The Police get a lot of flack on these forums but :T to them for looking after you. I bet he was not the big man then, with a man to threaten instead of a women.

sugarbabe-47

Thanks Blue_monkey.
Well the thought had crossed my mind that maybe the Police know something I dont, but I am not going to dwell on it. I am rid and have protection and that in itself has more than reasssured me, plus you wonderful peeps here with all the support you have all shown me.
And you have all encouraged me to stop this before I was *yet again a victim* - I simply cant thank you all enough.
The Police and I had a long chat about things last night and I told them some other things that they may need to know, and I just hope he gets the message that I won't be bullied or intimidated. I have got to admit I am amazed at my own strength in all of this. If this had happened whilst I was going through my B/R I think I would be in hospital with a breakdown!!!! A lot of my very personal stuff he doesn't know too much about (Trust issues from past experiences)
Since he started with me a couple of months ago, I have just kept him very much at arms length, and tried to get my head around things. Which was very difficult when I was actually frightened of him. He must have known he had done wrong by me and just tried to control me. It very nearly worked!!! I am sad to have lost what I thought was a good friend, but he really does need some sort of proffessional help and he is not my problem/worry. This is a grown man who has serious issues that need addressing. I have read up on Bi-Polar and its frightening what I have learned- I appreciate it can be a serious illness but needs attention/medication and this man obviously wasn't getting either.

Jox

Hope all has been well this week Sugar, just wanted to check in!