This debt must go

Lemon_Tree

starnac i'm not interfering with your relationship/marriage etc and know nothing about the way you run your joint finances but i suppose the use of the phrase ' your half of the bills' raised a flag with me. as the care giver you are contributing to the household in many ways that shouldn't always have to be financial. sorry i'll step back now but i do remember having a friend who was forced back to work to pay her share of the bills when her hubby had loads of money left after paying his share. she was also expected to then cover day care costs when really if he wanted to play that game he should have been 'paying' her to look after their child so she could work less hours out of the home.
once again, no offence or interference intended and as a non parent type person i should really keep out of the subject.

Weronika

I too have friend that needs to cover 'her' half of the bills - and I was shocked when she one day told me that her hubby accused her that as she is not working she is 'eating' from the money that should belong to their son (CB and tax credits)! Becuase his wage was of course 'his only'...

I would swap childcare duties for 'paid work' anytime, there is no recognition whatsoever and is so much harder to look after children than work in office as I used to!

I never heard anything like that from my OH but I worked hard on training him that doing ironing and cooking dinner is extra not given:D I'm not very housewify person and because he doesn't expect much from me in that department I think it made it easier for me. My son would always have a lovely cooked dinner from me -but me and OH would often eat just sandwiches:rotfl:

I'm still self employed but soon I'm going on Maternity Allowance and I won't be allowed to work while receiving it. It's hard to focus in the evening after mind numbing never ending nappy changing and feeding cycle. I was lucky enough that my wage was only needed to cover additional spending so I worked around 16 hr a week and brought home around £400-£500.

I did database admin, web design, SEO so it was relatively easy for me to set my own hours as it didn't matter that it was done around midnight:D

What have you been doing in your previous work? Maybe you can bring it home?

starnac

No offence taken LT.

DH and I have always kept our separate accounts which our wages go into then we pay money into a joint account that pays all the bills. We did this purely because (pre debt) we both earned decent wages (worked hard for them mind) and we liked to spend them. If we only had a joint account then if I wanted a new pair of jeans for example I would have felt that I had to ask his permission and vice versa. So by keeping our separate accounts we could spend the surplus on whatever we wanted (including treats for each other- which doesn't work if it comes out of a joint account IMO).

The amount paid into the joint account is determined by our relative earnings. So when I was chief breadwinner I paid the most in etc. when I went back to work after DD and we had to pay childcare then I paid it (childcare vouchers) and reduced my amount paid into the bills account.

At the moment I only get SMP which is a big cut on my wages and DH has had a bit of a pay rise so we have adjusted the amount accordingly.

When I said "my half of the bills" I meant it as a figure of speech as in "my contribution to the bills" not literally 50/50 split. !What I am worried about is that we would struggle just on DH's wages and I need to make some contribution to the household (my "half").

Sorry for the confusion. Hope ths clarifies it somewhat

starnac

Weronika wrote: »

I too have friend that needs to cover 'her' half of the bills - and I was shocked when she one day told me that her hubby accused her that as she is not working she is 'eating' from the money that should belong to their son (CB and tax credits)! Becuase his wage was of course 'his only'...

That is shocking :eek: DH would never dare say that to me

What have you been doing in your previous work? Maybe you can bring it home?

I work in supported living so not an option for me I'm afraid

Weronika

If you work in supported living how about finding out if anybody needs it privately? I am sure I've seen ads in local paper about people needing help part time. They could be open to more flexible working hours so it would be easier for you to arrange childcare.

I know what you mean about money worries - I worry all the time as any kind of accident could tip us over the edge living on 1 wage only. I'm going to be on MA from April - that's even less than SMP. And I hate this feeling that my account is nearly empty and there isn't decent wage coming into it each month, just savings going lower and lower....

We too have separate accounts as I like buying my treats without feeling guilty I'm spending somebody's else money - and from joint account it would feel this way somehow:p.

And gives me the illusion of control of my finances and independence:rotfl:

starnac

Weronika wrote: »

If you work in supported living how about finding out if anybody needs it privately? I am sure I've seen ads in local paper about people needing help part time. They could be open to more flexible working hours so it would be easier for you to arrange childcare.

Ooh good thinking

I know what you mean about money worries - I worry all the time as any kind of accident could tip us over the edge living on 1 wage only. I'm going to be on MA from April - that's even less than SMP. And I hate this feeling that my account is nearly empty and there isn't decent wage coming into it each month, just savings going lower and lower....

That's how I feel at the moment

We too have separate accounts as I like buying my treats without feeling guilty I'm spending somebody's else money - and from joint account it would feel this way somehow:p.

And gives me the illusion of control of my finances and independence:rotfl:

Me too :rotfl:

I had thought about agency work but that can be erratic but what you've mentioned sounds like a good idea. I've seen ads in the paper before. Might check it out. Thanks

Pippilongstocking

Great ideas on here
not very much to add just a hello and a cwitch (SP?) and hope the tiddlers are better x

starnac

Pippilongstocking wrote: »

Great ideas on here
not very much to add just a hello and a cwitch (SP?) and hope the tiddlers are better x

Thanks for popping by. DD is cwtched (thats how I spell it anyway) on the settee under a blanket feeling sorry for herself while DS is being a grump just cos he can

Hope you are having a good day not including the weather

Lemon_Tree

starnac, thanks for explaining not that you needed to, how you work out your finances is your business as long as it works for you. Just didn't want to see a friend in a horrible situation

starnac

Thank you LT your concern is lovely. DH always makes fun of me saying that I should say what I mean. He says its the welsh way (he's English by the way). Like we say "now in a minute" his reply is "does that mean now? Or in a minute? You can't have both!" another one of his favourites is

me: "there was a couple of people there"
him: "there were only 2 people there?"
Me: " no there was a couple"
Him: "a couple means 2" i mean about a handful possibly 5people. This does bite him in the bum though when DD asks him how many is "a few"

So it completely made sense to me when I say "my half" I don't think how it confuses other people who "speak properly" and take it literally. Oops