Memorygirls - The Matrix Reloaded

tellmeitsfriday

I don't really see why there's shame associated with bringing up a child or set of children alone. Infact, you're doing the jobs of two people, so there should be more adulation for a single person who successfully guides their spawn than for a pair of people who achieve the same

What you're doing is DEFINITELY not fundamentally wrong (IMHO)

Memory_Girl

Thanks ladies - I didn't say it made sense "intellectually" - it's just at some subconscious level you pick up on a lot of the "single mum bashing" that goes on in the media.

I'm still practicising my "Vikki Pollard" impression BTW:eek:

BTW I am proud that "I" hung around to raise these children - if Daddy dearest couldn't be bothered - I am at least.

DS1 has been watching the "Great British Food" on BBC2 - now he wants a cheese making kit, a bee-hive and a wine making kit (OK I made the last one up - that's something I have always had a hankering to do). Wonder how much trouble I would get into with the authorities if I continued DS1's project about yeast (he is growing his own and making different national breads) - onto its logical conclusion of beer and wine :rotfl:

Matrix Merlot anyone????????????????

The hint about marg for flat topped sponges is a winner - one perfect chocolate cake is in the tin for tomorrow.

:TI love it when I can learn something new:T

Think I might have a wee snifter tonight - well having been pregnant and then breastfeeding this is the first birthday I have been able to "wet the babies head" IYSWIM.

TTFN

Memorygirl

tellmeitsfriday

Is it your birthday MG?

MrsMoo2U

Ah MG, Happy Birthday.:bdaycake::kisses: Why didn't you tell us. Pass a snifter this way :beer:. Hope that Chocolate cake is for you but dont put too many candles on :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

greenbee

I thought it was DS1's birthday, hence the cakes... or am I confused?

(It doesn't take much)

gilligansyle

Is it your birthday or DS', I can't remember, anyway, Happy Birthday to whoever.

Regarding the single parent bit, there is a stigma about it that is related to benefit bashing. Dear friend of mine was in a meeting years ago, full of people who should have known better. A comment was made about how people should stick together for the sake of the children and 'all single parents are that way by choice' - his reply "if I could have stopped my wife from dying from cancer and leaving me with 3 children under the age of 5, I would have" soon shut them up.

It is not who brings the children up, but how, that matters.

I'll get down off me soapbox now.

tellmeitsfriday

Actually it's me who's caused the confusion... so sorry for that.

Happy Burpday DS1!

Firewalker

Memory_Girl wrote: »

The most glaring one is the "Single Mothers DON'T deserve abundance, you deserve to struggle because what you have done is fundamentally wrong"

Now I am not saying that intellectually I believe this - but I know that psychologically, deep down, in the secret parts of my heart, its EXACTLY what I believe.

MG

MG, are you serious? I suppose you are...In that case:

1) What have you done? Oh, had children...there is silly me thinking that there are two people needed for this one.
2) What is wrong with what you have done? You loved and made a mistake; twice. Many people go through life too scared to love.
3) Single mothers do struggle but not because they have done something wrong but because it is so much harder to do everyhting on your own.
4) Many single mothers do make it really big - and while their children are young. Because, as I have told to you before, in Eminem's words 'success is you only mother!!!!ing option, failure is not'.

Change your belief and keep going.

Firewalker

Triciaxx

Firewalker wrote: »

MG, are you serious? I suppose you are...In that case:

1) What have you done? Oh, had children...there is silly me thinking that there are two people needed for this one.
2) What is wrong with what you have done? You loved and made a mistake; twice. Many people go through life too scared to love.
3) Single mothers do struggle but not because they have done something wrong but because it is so much harder to do everyhting on your own.
4) Many single mothers do make it really big - and while their children are young. Because, as I have told to you before, in Eminem's words 'success is you only mother!!!!ing option, failure is not'.

Change your belief and keep going.

Firewalker

Just de-lurking to suggest that 2) should end 'too scared to love ONCE, let alone TWICE'.

Buffythedebtslayer

Memory_Girl wrote: »

I've been thinking very hard over the last few days of the "rules" I have accepted into my life without consideration. I realise that a lot of those automatic rules no longer serve what , in my heart at least, I dream of doing.

Perhaps I have stumbled over the root cause of so much self-sabotage, the reason why I desire one thing, but deliver another.

The most glaring one is the "Single Mothers DON'T deserve abundance, you deserve to struggle because what you have done is fundamentally wrong"

Now I am not saying that intellectually I believe this - but I know that psychologically, deep down, in the secret parts of my heart, its EXACTLY what I believe.

Time to start facing up to to these "society acquired" rules - and to start being "unreasonable" by NOT playing by these rules any more.

Perhaps people who do amazing things, do so because they have an "unreasonable" set of rules.

MG

Its not really the same thing but your post struck a cord with me. I have been feeling that I have had to defend an awful lot of my choices in my life, society says I should be in my own place, have a boyfriend, be a particular size and actually sod it, its not society its my friends(RL),they don't mean it but they do feel sorry for me I feel it and most of the time I ignore it or consider myself paranoid!( mind you there have been a few "chats" that have made me feel dreadful.)

I wonder if I take some of that on - I am rubbish, I am failure because I am not doing xyz or don't have abc whatever, I don't consciously think it most of the time - I don't stop long enough for navel gazing apart from the holidays and seem to wake up and another bit of my life has gone by, its weird I love actual teaching, my kids never fail to make me laugh. I really do feel the value of my job. but being constantly reminded of what i don't have (and what I percieve as a lack of consideration for my feelings) and haven't done yet I have noticed a tendancy to react to this treatment by being almost defensively stoic and unhappy? I don't actually know if that makes sense. but its as though in some areas of my life I shouldn't be happy,

the way I feel people see me (and sometimes all I show cos that is all I am allowed?)

35, no kids, dead end job no promotion, unhappy place to work, still learning to drive? living with mum oh the shame!! no bf - well of course not who would want that package?

The way I feel when I consider the reality.

35 (ok not thrilled with that), a skilled teacher, two jobs, have overcome a lot of difficulties and kept my dignity, I was not beaten down and whilst yes it is sometimes hard I feel I have stuck to principles which are very important to me, i have loads of really wonderful friends and get many compliments about my teaching. also I do feel privilledged to be in my position.

Yes I do get angry living with Mum, but equally she is my Mum and I do love her Family is very important to me and actually when I get my !!!! together and don't focus on the first list I can live here exactly as I please and if I did that more often it would probably lead to a bf if I wanted one. Plus in a couple of months I would be ok moneywise to move out. The biggest thing about my life is I have choices and many of my friends don't have that now. I am so looking forward to my break and all the things I am going to do, just because I can. I don't need permission or to check with anyone or make a deal.

I think its hard to overcome the messages that are either actually told to you or come to you by accident especially when you feel you dont fit either "truth". on those days when it's grey and dreary when you feel ill or just battered by life, it is easy to give in and accept your place in the undeserving masses.

I am going to make a real effort to remember that I am an individual, I can choose to be different or the same. I only have one life. And there is nothing so badly wrong with me that means I "should" be unhappy or feel guilty or bad. I am enough so screw the rules.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKIM3SkR45I&feature=related