We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
A little advice needed please Re 12 Yr old
Comments
-
Thriftkitten wrote: »once home I sent them both upstairs and from the steam coming from my ears they both understood I was not in a good mood!
I called their bluff and explained that come Monday at school I would be arranging an interview with the head Mistress of the school to discuss this and help to get to the bottom of it,Thriftkitten wrote: »I didn't explode infront of the friend as such I was just not in a good mood and asked them to go up to her room as I wasn't prepared to hear anymore on the lighter until they were ready to tell me the truth.
Erm........If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0 -
Hmm ok, well I seem to of fallen at life first hurdle as far as parenting a teen.... Maybe I should put myself in my bedroom haahha!! If only Mmmmmmm.
Thankyou all so much for the advice, I need to learn to calm down a little and chill out as far as the experiementing stuff is concerned, I don't think it's the experimental thing that is upsetting me as we have all done it at a similar age... I think it's just bruised pride on my part that we are sooooo close and she went to such extent to lie.... but them who wouldn't I suppose....
I really think I don't want her to go to this youth club though as I was never 100% secure with that and she has enough street dance, theatrical clubs and friends sleeping over, meeting friends and sleeping over at weekends to counteract that place.Thriftkitten
Tesco saving stamps £13.00:T
Roadkill Rebel No.31 July2014 Treasure £1.03p
August 20140 -
Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »Erm........
I wasn't shouting the odds or anything I simply told them to both go upstairs and not talk to me anymore about the lighter situation until they could tell me the truth..... Yes I was very upset and probably had a screwed up contorted face... thats just my way when angry, however I did not shout at them or cause a scene, but they knew I wasnt happy.Thriftkitten
Tesco saving stamps £13.00:T
Roadkill Rebel No.31 July2014 Treasure £1.03p
August 20140 -
Reading your first post, the first thing I thought of is that you need to learn to stop and think.
It was totally unnecessary to phone your daughter immediately and ruin her eveing out, then wreck her sleep-over.
It would have been quite possible to have waited until the girl left this morning and then have asked your daughter to have a chat about the lighter. She would have probably told you the truth then, rather than dissembling when caught out in public. Which would have left everyone feeling a lot better about this.
It sound however that there are deeper problems to deal with.Thriftkitten wrote: »Don't mind me, I think I'm just wallowing in disappointment that she is veering off the course she once found so rewarding and kept the nagging mum proud!!!
The question is, was your daughter doing the theatre club because she really wanted to or because you wanted her to?
And if you have been "proud" publically about her being on the gifted and talented register, you can assume that this has got back to school and she has been taking stick. So she will desparately want to be seen as "normal" which means hanging round with the less talented kids.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
Reading your first post, the first thing I thought of is that you need to learn to stop and think.
It was totally unnecessary to phone your daughter immediately and ruin her eveing out, then wreck her sleep-over.
It would have been quite possible to have waited until the girl left this morning and then have asked your daughter to have a chat about the lighter. She would have probably told you the truth then, rather than dissembling when caught out in public. Which would have left everyone feeling a lot better about this.
It sound however that there are deeper problems to deal with. (coming back)
I called her to ask about the lighter, what it was doing in her pocket, at this point they hadnt done anything wrong, she wasnt in trouble I was only asking her why she had one in there and where she got it.... it was after we spoke on the phone about the lighter that she decided to leave the youth club and go out for a cigarrete with her friends.
And yes I can now see that I handled it wrong and probably could of handled it differently and more effectively.
I will take the blame for not calming down and thinking things over before trying to sort things out, and that is something I have to work on.
I will say that I was surprised and overwhelmed and unfortunetly handled it wrong, however I had no-one to turn to at thime of night and my feelings got the better of me!Thriftkitten
Tesco saving stamps £13.00:T
Roadkill Rebel No.31 July2014 Treasure £1.03p
August 20140 -
Thriftkitten wrote: »Hmm ok, well I seem to of fallen at life first hurdle as far as parenting a teen.... Maybe I should put myself in my bedroom haahha!! If only Mmmmmmm.
Would you like a membership form .....we've all been there,lol!
Perhaps she lied becuase she knew the reaction she was going to get if she told you the truth? Again not a criticism, as we've all done itThriftkitten wrote: »I think it's just bruised pride on my part that we are sooooo close and she went to such extent to lie....Thriftkitten wrote: »I really think I don't want her to go to this youth club though as I was never 100% secure with that and she has enough street dance, theatrical clubs and friends sleeping over, meeting friends and sleeping over at weekends to counteract that place.
I can understand that but I think it would be better if it was her decision. Explain to her, in a rational adult-to-young adult manner why you don't want her to go there and let her make the decision as otherwise a) it will make the place more appealing and b) you're opening up an opportunity for the other kids to call her all sorts of names.
The other approach to take, especially if she has a specific career in mind, is to warn her of the danagers of getting into trouble with the police. As an example Junior wanted to go into the forces and we've warned him any trouble with the police would ruin any chances he had.2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
Reading your first post, the first thing I thought of is that you need to learn to stop and think.
It was totally unnecessary to phone your daughter immediately and ruin her eveing out, then wreck her sleep-over.
It would have been quite possible to have waited until the girl left this morning and then have asked your daughter to have a chat about the lighter. She would have probably told you the truth then, rather than dissembling when caught out in public. Which would have left everyone feeling a lot better about this.
It sound however that there are deeper problems to deal with.
The question is, was your daughter doing the theatre club because she really wanted to or because you wanted her to?
And if you have been "proud" publically about her being on the gifted and talented register, you can assume that this has got back to school and she has been taking stick. So she will desparately want to be seen as "normal" which means hanging round with the less talented kids.
Sorry I missed your paragraph at the bottom of your last message, I never really wanted her to do the theatrical school because you have to chaperone and donate, etc etc etcf and it was all a bit too much for me being a single parent and all and also the 10pm pick up was too much with a little one in tow, however I stuck it out taking turns on pickups and chaperoning so that she could do it for 3 years.
As far as the proud parent goes, I'm never brag publically, however I will admit that I do constantly praise her about how smart she is and how proud of her I am and she is rewarded with a small gift when she brings home certificates, my mum also will give her £5 or something if she has done exceptionally well which is a real treat for her as we are quite poor hahaha|!! really!
I know she does feel an amount of peer pressure as she says that she enjoys the challenge at school but that sometimes she wishes her friends were in the group that she were in, Im just scared that she will do as I did and deliberatly waste her opportunity so that she can be in her friends group at school, but I suppose I cant do anything to stop that.Thriftkitten
Tesco saving stamps £13.00:T
Roadkill Rebel No.31 July2014 Treasure £1.03p
August 20140 -
Ooh, don't make a fool of or embarrass your child in front of their friends!
The lighter situ could have waited till today after the friend had gone instead or ringing her and going in all guns blazing.Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...0 -
.
The question is, was your daughter doing the theatre club because she really wanted to or because you wanted her to?
Please don't take this as a criticism, I'm only trying to help, but as a child I studied music as my dad was exceptionally musical. Initially (at 5) it was ok, but it became a chore that I found tedious. However, I knew that if I gave up my dad would be very disappointed, so I continued despite missing out on lots of things that my friends did, like sport etc.
Eventually when I went to uni (not to study music) I felt I was able to give it up. There were some rumblings at home but I was far away enough to escape those. But... when my father died this year I found a diary he had kept. It appears that he never forgave me for giving up, he wanted me to fulfil his dream. That came as a huge shock, particularly as he had left the diary where I could find it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that youngsters have to live their own lives, don't try to get them to live your hoped-for one. Maybe your daughter has only been doing the theatre stuff to please you too.0 -
Thriftkitten wrote: »As far as the proud parent goes, I'm never brag publically, however I will admit that I do constantly praise her about how smart she is and how proud of her I am and she is rewarded with a small gift when she brings home certificates, my mum also will give her £5 or something if she has done exceptionally well which is a real treat for her as we are quite poor hahaha|!! really!
I know she does feel an amount of peer pressure as she says that she enjoys the challenge at school but that sometimes she wishes her friends were in the group that she were in, Im just scared that she will do as I did and deliberatly waste her opportunity so that she can be in her friends group at school, but I suppose I cant do anything to stop that.
Hi
Does your daughter know that you love her even if she never comes home with another certificate in her life?
To the moon and the stars and back again?If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352.2K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.3K Spending & Discounts
- 245.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 601K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 259.1K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards