Charging rent for 21 year old

ForkHandles_2

Hi
I'd take £300 and save it in an ISA but don't tell him, in a few years tell him as long as he matches 'your' amount equally you will give him the cash towards his first house purchase.

FH

milkydrink

As my post further up the page says my daughter is 20 & gets her first "proper" wage packet at the end of this month. She had agreed on £200 per month (which is actually "46.15 per week). We were actually giving her £80 PM pocket money till a couple of weeks ago when she turned 20. Any work she has done till now she has kept ALL the money & still got her pocket money on top. She got an ALG grant in her last year & that is to cover traveling expenses to & from college & I have ALWAYS driven her to & from college, so shes had no fares to pay.
Well her boyfriend pays his parents £100 & her boyfriends brother earns £36,000 per year & pays his parents £100 per month.
She has made a few snipping remarks that we are charging her too much & to be honest this has upset me. I feel she is being very mean. She will be earning £12,500 per year & works in the village.
I can't drive her anymore (as I have just returned to work myself & start earlier), but I was still going to driver her on my day off. She gets a lift home from one of the drivers who works there going past our road on their way home. The 4 days that I couldn't drive her, she could walk, it is walking distance.
The snipping remarks that she has made in front of her boyfriend have embarrased me to be honest. She made one again last night about his brother & what he pays against what he earns. I feel those two (so called) men who expect their parents to keep them for £23 per week should be embarrased.
Anyway, I said to my husband that we will take £100 per month off her. But I will cut her cloth according to her measure. We have sky multiroom in her room with her own sky box, that costs us an extra £10 per month, so I will cancle that. I spend about £100 a week on shopping, I will stop buying her toiletries in that & her fresh apple juice (from the fridge, not the long life stuff in the box) & all the other fancy bits she requires. She CANNOT expect those sort of luxurys on £23 per week surely. Her boyfriend eats dinner at ours a lot, I will have to stop that, surely she can't expect that to carry on for £23 a week. I will stop making her packed lunches, her boyfriend & his brother don't get those made for them for their £100.
I think we should cut our shopping bill down anyway.
She will get a shock when I don't dish up Sainsburys "taste the difference" roast beef on Sunday.
I'm a bit raw from it, we have always been so good to her, I feel she is being very mean in return.
We already said she could have my car when she learns to drive & we said we would do her first 10 lessons. But she can pay the rest herself now.

arthur_dent_2

To be honest it sounds as if she is having a teenage strop. I know she is 20 but it sounds as if she is still being very young. It's not fair is a phrase that would very often be heard by my mum at the same age. To which the reply was always no it isn't and the sooner you accept that fact the better.

I personally would stick to your original £200 a month as that is not unreasonable. Also at £200 a month I would still cut out everything that you have previously mentioned aswell. The two boys who only pay £100 a month are extremely lucky and they should be thankful to their parents. You are not responsible for getting your daughter to work, espescially if it is in walking distance as it will be good for her as well as money saving.

Oh and as for her embarrassing you in front of the boyfriend, this can work both ways. I would do all I could to be equally as embarassing in return.
You are not being unfair, she is, tell her that if she doesn't like it you could always split the bills three ways instead, or she could move out.

milkydrink

arthur_dent wrote: »

To be honest it sounds as if she is having a teenage strop. I know she is 20 but it sounds as if she is still being very young. It's not fair is a phrase that would very often be heard by my mum at the same age. To which the reply was always no it isn't and the sooner you accept that fact the better.

I personally would stick to your original £200 a month as that is not unreasonable. Also at £200 a month I would still cut out everything that you have previously mentioned aswell. The two boys who only pay £100 a month are extremely lucky and they should be thankful to their parents. You are not responsible for getting your daughter to work, espescially if it is in walking distance as it will be good for her as well as money saving.

Oh and as for her embarrassing you in front of the boyfriend, this can work both ways. I would do all I could to be equally as embarassing in return.
You are not being unfair, she is, tell her that if she doesn't like it you could always split the bills three ways instead, or she could move out.

At £200 we were not making any money towards the normal running of the house bills, just the bills that are increased by her directly. A third share of the shopping, & £10 for her sky multiroom & £10 extra per week to cover, all the gas, electric, phone, internet (we have BB on AOL because she insistes on it, so she can use her laptop wirelessly)

HOWEVER we shall charge her £100, but I will NOT be feeding the boyfriend or buying her toiletries or her crossisants, scotch pancakes or fresh juice or any of the other "nice" things she expects in the shopping. AND I will be cancling the sky to her bedroom, thats £10 a month saved already.

I actually think its discracful that her boyfriend & his brother think its fine to expect their parents on £100 per month or £23 per week :mad: (& I have heard him moan that he has to pay this, even when hes on holiday:rolleyes: ). However his parents are not nearly as generous as we (USED) to be. He pays his own car, they "loaned" him some money to buy it, he buys his own bits'n'bobs for his bedroom. She had her decorated late last spring & wants the bedding, cutains & cushions changed now, I've decided I'm not paying for this!!!

arthur_dent_2

In the end it is your house and your daughter and you have to do what is right for you and your household. Personally I don't think that I shall be as nice to my daughters as you are to yours. She should learn to be a bit more grateful for what she has. (Think David Bowie and Labyrinth, if you haven't seen it do, it is a lovely film but at the heart of it is the message that life isn't fair so live with it and get your priorities right)

I am a little harsh but I never had as much money left over as your daughter as I had to support my parents with £45 a week (from £135) and still had to buy all the nice things aswell because my parents simply could not afford them otherwise. I do not drive as learning was never really a financially viable option. As for decorating my room when I was at home, I had to pay for all of this also.

When your dd gets older ahe will soon realise how accomodating and fair you have been.

kr15snw

Kim from what youve told me about before (what your daughter gets from you) I think she is being very ungratefull and childish. Im 20 and think that £200 a month is perfectly fine if your working full time. (I still wouldnt buy her toiletries with that though)

But I agree with your logic. Charge her £100 a month, BUT as you said :

*Sky goes from her room, if she wants to watch it in the rest of the house (if you have it) then she must pay an equal split of the bill (this is what me and my brothers did).

*If she wants to use the internet then she pays an equal split of the bill (also what me and my brothers did).

*When the phone bill comes in she must pay an equal split of the line rental and all of her own calls (once again what me and my brothers did, lol).

*You supply her with basic food, but dont cook it for her! Tell her its there and she can do it herself as shes not paying anywhere near enough for you to do her housework.

*Dont do her washing anymore! (If she doesnt do it already). Let her clothes pile up and once again explain that shes not paying enough for you to do her house work.

I know that sounds mean but I think shell soon realise she has 2 options.

1. Pay £100 a month and this covers just the rent. She will have to do ALL her own cooking and cleaning and pay for any of the household things (phone, internet, sky) that she wants to use.

2. Pay £200 a month and have it all covered

I know which one Id take!

My brother pays £150 a month which covers his share of the bills (includes pet insurance and dog food as he has his own dog). Then pays £150 a month to cover food and housekeeping! I think £200 for your daughter would be very fair!

milkydrink

kr15snw wrote: »

Kim from what youve told me about before (what your daughter gets from you) I think she is being very ungratefull and childish. Im 20 and think that £200 a month is perfectly fine if your working full time. (I still wouldnt buy her toiletries with that though)

But I agree with your logic. Charge her £100 a month, BUT as you said :

*Sky goes from her room, if she wants to watch it in the rest of the house (if you have it) then she must pay an equal split of the bill (this is what me and my brothers did).

*If she wants to use the internet then she pays an equal split of the bill (also what me and my brothers did).

*When the phone bill comes in she must pay an equal split of the line rental and all of her own calls (once again what me and my brothers did, lol).

*You supply her with basic food, but dont cook it for her! Tell her its there and she can do it herself as shes not paying anywhere near enough for you to do her housework.

*Dont do her washing anymore! (If she doesnt do it already). Let her clothes pile up and once again explain that shes not paying enough for you to do her house work.

I know that sounds mean but I think shell soon realise she has 2 options.

1. Pay £100 a month and this covers just the rent. She will have to do ALL her own cooking and cleaning and pay for any of the household things (phone, internet, sky) that she wants to use.

2. Pay £200 a month and have it all covered

I know which one Id take!

My brother pays £150 a month which covers his share of the bills (includes pet insurance and dog food as he has his own dog). Then pays £150 a month to cover food and housekeeping! I think £200 for your daughter would be very fair!

The £100 that she keeps sniping on about is to cover everything. But the boyfriend & his brother don't get sky in their rooms. But they don't pay extra towards phone, broadband or sky (they have cable).
We will tale the £100 & not ask any extra for phone, broadband or sky (except we will pull the mulitiroom).
To be honest I am furious with her & very hurt. I realise what a spoilt brat I have raised.
She has yet to EVER pay a penny, first proper wage is not till the end of the month. She has just finished 4 years of college, she has worked a little during term time & a lot during the holidays (& I'm talking £50 per day in an office, not minimum wage at McDonalds or Tesco). She has been driven to & from college & work AND got £80 per month pocket money all through this, even when earning £250 a week during the school holidays, she still got her pocket money.
I really can't believe she is making catty comments about what works out as £10 per week on top of the shopping & the extra for her personal sky package. That £10 then would have gone towards gas, electric, phone, broadband & all the other little bits'n'bobs.

Kimitatsu

Kim

Why not print off this thread and show it to her?

I have to agree with all of the sentiment on here, she needs to come into the real world and start seeing what things really cost. If you let her get away with it then when she comes to start up home on her own she will have a shock, and in the long run that is worse for her.

At 20 I was living away from home full time - I wish that I had had the option of living at home full time for that amount!

Try not to be hurt, it is easy at that age to have a blinkered view, you obviously love her very much and she needs to have the reality explained to her.

milkydrink

I was actually really surprised to find out what her boyfriend pays.
I think its disgusting that him & his brother think its so "smart" of them to pay so little. I find it disgusting that a man in his mid 20s & another in his late 20s & hes on a very large wage, think its alright to live off their parents in this manner. I can see why his parents make him pay when hes on holiday!

kr15snw

Kim I honestly reckon you shouldnt try to match her boyfriends deal. It seems they are getting an easy deal and you have no reason to match it.

I got lifts to work before I was 17, as soon as I turned 17 I was told "Your old enough to get a driving licence now, go get one if you want to get places in a car!"

So I did And my parents didnt pay a penny towards lessons.

I think she is getting a very easy ride and is being very hurtfull to you. I think you need to lay down your rules and stick to them. £100 a month for what she is getting is terrible! I really think you need to either up the amount, or cut down on the amount it gives her access to.

If she says "But my boyfriend only pays £100" then its simple! "Fine you want to live by your boyfriends rules then you can live under his roof!"

I live with my boyfriend and my input into the house is I buy the weekly shop. Obviously this means if I want nice food and nice toiletries then I have to pay more! Ive really learnt the value of money recently!! Hehe. Works out at about £200 a month, but I do buy other things to help out. I bought the TV lisence last year as my boyfriend couldnt afford it and other things like this.

Kim you really need to stand up to her and not let her get away with this. I definately wouldnt buy her toiletries anymore, or do her washing. Yes maybe cook for her if your doing yourself a meal but no packed lunches like you said earlier. Think about the future, when she moves out she will seriously struggle and is going to be putting you out of pocket aswell.