Cremation

xoxo_2

McKneff wrote: »

Just another thought, i get the impression that yu have not been to a cremation before?

I've been to a cremation and a burial and I felt much more comfortable after the burial than I did the cremation.

Maybe it's something i'll never 'get' or feel comfortable with, but his wishes will be respected and I will try my best to see him. Thanks to everyone for your replies, xoxo

Jewel_2

I saw my nan and grandad after they had died before their burial. To me they could have done either, they were not there in spirit anymore, so the funeral was easier in a way.

It's just a sleeve over their spirit. It did me good to see them, they had gone to a better place, or whatever you believe.

Big hugs.

Doozergirl

pusscat wrote: »

yesterday was when I made gravy with the Sunday lunch – in the way my Mum taught me….

Oh, me too Thinking how she taught me to measure and how the gravy was the first cooking responsibilty she gave me. And how it's time to teach my son now to do it for me now he's a similar age.

She wanted to be cremated and when I was younger I didn't really understand, but the body she had become useless and how she was imprisoned in it so young. I'm glad it's gone now. At our death, it's the body that prevents us from being our true selves, so in my mind that's why we leave it - to be free again.

It's just not needed anymore. I buried her ashes, without the pot. The nutrients in ash feed the plants in the meadow where she is, on top of a hill in the countryside. She has freedom in every respect now, no confines at all and I don't know if it sounds crass, but for me the fact that it now serves purpose as life giving soil, gives me genuine comfort.

:A

janb5

Could I make a suggestion?

My son died nearly seven years ago and a very good friend told me to ask that the cremation did not take place until after the service. This stops the horrible dread of watching the coffin disappear.

I honestly think this may help you - it did me.

Filey

xoxo wrote: »

I didn't know where else to put this, but thought I would try here..
... so i'm trying to understand why people choose cremation when they die. To me, it seems terrifying the thought of being burnt and I really cannot understand why a family would choose to have a loved one burnt.

...But I know it's not as simple as burning someone, so I was hoping people could explain the reasons behind it, maybe it's religious or I don't know, but there must be a reason people choose it? I don't know

I don't even know what i'm asking. I just want to understand why cremation over a burial I suppose. Can anyone help/share their thoughts?:(

---

Hi xoxo

I do understand when someone we love dies how difficult it can be to
deal with the practicalities. It is unfortunately something we have to come to terms with.

However to look at it all rationally, something has to be done with the dead bodies which are no longer inhabited by their previous occupiers. After all, millions of people throughout the world die every year and some means of disposal of their now unused bodies has to take place.
The method usually depends on where you live, the culture you were brought up in, and religious views if any.

As someone suggested, going into the sunset on a flaming Viking ship has appeal, but would be rather expensive these days. Or the modern equivalent of being shot into space in a rocket ship. Or the body could be left on some high rocks or up a tree for the vultures and carrion crows to disperse. Or a burial at sea where eventually time and tide with the help of small sea creatures would eventually recycle it. Lots of possibilities but the same ultimate conclusion.A lot of cultures cremate their dead. They look on it as a way to liberate the spirit.

You've had a variety of views here about why some people choose cremation, all of them valid. Have you thought why it is that you have such fear of cremation? You say 'it seems terrifying the thought of being burnt". Terrifying to you maybe, but certainly won't terrify your grandad as it was what he asked for.

I hope you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that it is for his sake. In actual fact, legally, it is the executors (who are often close family members) who have the final say on disposal of the body. Usually they will take into account the deceased's wishes if there have been any, but they are not legally obliged to do so.

Pee

It's very hard when a family member has different views to your own on what they want after they die.

I've spoken to lots of people about this. (In my line of work, I don't just ask random strangers.) Most people, over 80% know whether they want to be buried or cremated immediately and about half of those that know would prefer burial, the other half cremation. A lot of people shudder at the other option, while being perfectly happy with their own choice.

So the benefits for cremation seem to be that people don't want to be buried in the earth and eaten by worms, that burial would be dark and damp, that cremation is clean and easy and finished and the ashes can then be scattered somewhere where it wouldn't be possible to be buried. (Quite often people want the ashes in the crematorium, which I can't quite understand, but think it's along the lines that this is tidy and the right place for them.) Often what people want is what their family tend to do. They often don't want to be buried as within a few decades there will be noone to tend the grave and often they don't want to put relatives to any trouble.

All I can say is it's a very individual choice, like whether you like marmite or mushrooms or sugar in your tea.

I hope that helps.

Penda

Looking at it from another point of view with burials,for me it has been amazing to find and visit the graves of ancestors it has changed my mind on cremations. Although both my parents were cremated not sure if that would have changed as they both always said they preferred cremation.
Whatever is chosen it doesn't make the passing of a loved one any easier.

Hermia

meritaten wrote: »

I understand how you feel about cremation OP - I feel the same. But its the norm among my family to be cremated and I have had to go to many cremations. I find it a very cold, impersonal service and takes only a few minutes TG!

You need to make sure your family has more input into the cremations by the sound of it. At the ones I have been to people sang hymns, the deceased's favourite music was played or friends/relatives read out something.

meritaten

Hermia wrote: »

You need to make sure your family has more input into the cremations by the sound of it. At the ones I have been to people sang hymns, the deceased's favourite music was played or friends/relatives read out something.

I live in South East Wales so can only say about funeral practices HERE!
normally there is a church service or a short service in the home or chapel of rest - this is where people may speak or favourite hymns and cd tracks are played - then on to the crematorium.
where you usually wait outside until the funeral director calls you in, the minister says a very short version something like the graveside bit - but it always includes the phrase 'ashes to ashes' (bit insensitive to my mind). that takes about two minutes then one hymn and they consign the coffin behind the curtains while some anonymous organ tune is played. then the funeral directors usher everyone out and we all go look for OUR wreaths or flowers (which are totally wasted by the way as the crem now compost them) and depart! I find it absolutely horrible! not that a burial isnt upsetting, but it tends to be more PERSONAL and you feel that it was an individual which has been buried and not just the assembly line feeling you get in the crematoria as you see the last lot leaving and the next lot waiting in line! or even the next two lots!

diable

Its cheaper and some people who are not religious can't see the point in being buried in a coffin.