Cremation

xoxo_2

I didn't know where else to put this, but thought I would try here..

My Grandad passed away a few days ago and his wishes were to be cremated and i'm really struggling to deal with it (the cremation, rather than the death as I knew that was coming.) so i'm trying to understand why people choose cremation when they die. To me, it seems terrifying the thought of being burnt and I really cannot understand why a family would choose to have a loved one burnt.

Another of my Grandparents died about 7 years ago and was cremated and I really struggled with the fact we had 'burnt' them, and had nightmares about it for a long time after.

But I know it's not as simple as burning someone, so I was hoping people could explain the reasons behind it, maybe it's religious or I don't know, but there must be a reason people choose it? I don't know

I want to go and say goodbye to my Grandad in the chapel of rest but I can't knowing that whatever I see is going to be burnt a few days later:o And I know thats silly so i'm hoping by posting this people will share their thoughts on cremation and why people choose it so I can go to see him with understanding of why we're going to cremate him. We were very close so it's really upsetting me that I can't face going to see him until I understand why cremation.

I don't even know what i'm asking. I just want to understand why cremation over a burial I suppose. Can anyone help/share their thoughts?:(

belfastgirl23

Well two things occur to me. One of which is could you try visualising the flames as purifying or cleansing, removing the outer layers to set his soul free? Phoenix from the ashes type of thing? I know it's hard but maybe you could try to change your patterns of thinking about it?

The other thing of course is that you don't have to go to the cremation. I know my mum doesn't do burials. No exceptions, not even for very close family. If you let your family know how upsetting you're finding the thought of this, I'm sure they'll understand.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

MrsE_2

I would prefer to be cremated & go up into the air in a puff of smoke then down into a cold hole in the ground.

Plus you can keep the ashes close if you want or scatter them in a favourite place where the person had happy times.

Thats just my personal feelings.

Sorry for your loss.

kegg_2

some people dont like the thought of being put in the earth and becoming worm food.

I doubt it has anything to do with a religious choice as even the catholic church allows cremation now and more to do with the personal choice of your grandad.

RIP for your grandad

jackomdj

It must be a hard time for you. I have been to both & can see reasons for both.

Personally I believe when you "go" your spirit/person/being is no longer in your body (I don't know where I think it is as I am not religious & don't think we all go off to heaven in the traditional C of E sense of the word) so I do not particuarly like cematries, I can talk to my Grandad wherever I am & don't go to visit "him". I also think some people have a fear of being buried or the thought of worms etc (sorry!) so they would rather be cremated.

Also if they are cremated their remains can be taken to their favorite place to get spread, or buried in a pot with a plant etc so a relative can be close to them.

I have waffled & probably not helped, but just a few of my thoughts.

Money_maker

My daft preference for cremation is down to an irrational fear of being underground in a box. I know I'll be gone but I couldn't bear to be down there.

Once the soul is free, the body is just an empty shell in my opinion (but still holds on to these fears!).

I find burials much more emotionally demanding than cremations. Usually find I'm getting tearful just entering the church.

Repect his wishes and sorry for your loss.

January20

I would prefer to be cremated because I'm claustrophobic and the idea of being locked in a coffin under all that soil makes me shudder. Equally, I do not want anybody to keep my ashes on their mantlepiece. The horror of it!

Also, I am concerned about the amount of land that cemetery take up, and would rather not add up to it. Finally, if there is a grave, somebody has got to look after it, visit it, maintain it. I always visit my grand-parents grave when I go back home and feel guilty if for some reason I miss a visit. I don't want my dd to feel the same.

LillythePink

Sorry for your loss

I personally, will be cremated - don't see the point of being buried - it's more expensive, land is precious (live on an island so don't have huge amounts of space) and it means that someone has to tend my grave, but what happens when immediate family are gone too? The grave will just be left to rack and ruin.

The choice is.....cremated - burnt or buried - left to rot (sorry that this sounds callous at this unhappy time)

My choice is not out of any fear or religeous beliefs

swingaloo

Im sorry for your loss and what you are going through.

In the last five years I have had 4 family members, my mum and dad included, pass away and all of them wanted cremating. I think its just comes down to personal choice. I know I want to be cremated when the time comes. You see, Im the opposite when I think about cremation versus burial. I once went to the funeral of a young child and it took me months to get over walking away from that graveside. It was a cold wet day and the thought of that child being left in the ground and covered with soil haunted me. Later I could visit the grave and its a very peaceful location and a pretty spot to be buried but I still cant go without imagining the state of the body and coffin underground. I think cremation is so much nicer.

I also feel sad when I see old churches with gravestones which are so old that its impossible to read them and no family members are stil around to care for them . I also cant help but feel that eventually, even though it may be many years away, those graves will be disturbed. In the village near to where I live a church has ben turned into an Indian restaurant and the graveyard is now a car park!

Becles

Sorry to hear your loss. RIP.

I'd like all my useful bits taken away to help others, then the remains cremated. I don't like cemeteries and don't want to leave my loved ones with the burden of tending a grave and having to go to a cemetery to feel close to me.

One set of grandparents are buried but I've never visited their grave. I don't even know where it is The other side of the family were all cremated. In all cases, I remember them in places where we had good times. I recently went to the town where my Mam's family are from for work, and I thought of them when I was walking down the high street and remembered when my Grandad used to take us to a little old fashioned sweet shop that used to be there. I'd rather remember people like that, and would like people to remember me like that too.

elaine373

I can totally understand where you are coming from.six years ago, my mum passed away and she was cremated.At the time i was in shock and went along with the arrangements.By the time the funeral arrived, i was stressed about the fact that she was going to be cremated but didnt feel it was my place as one of her 6 children,to stop it.I hated the 2 days after knowing that i had allowed this process to take place.When her ashes were put into a grave a few weeks later,i nearly lost my sanity as i couldnt get my head around how her whole being was in a pot so small.6 years on i have come to terms with it and realise that it was her right to have her wishes carried out. I have learnt to remember her as she was and to seperate the thoughts of cremation.I still dont like the thought of it but time has helped me come to terms with it,i I will be buried due to religious beliefs.(muslim revert) I am so sorry for your loss.