What if I decide to have only one child? Does it look abonormal in the Uk?

minerva_windsong

I was effectively an only child because my sisters are so much older than me, and I liked it. I think it taught me a lot about how to be creative and imaginative and to be happy in my own company.

My mum worried that I was lonely, and considered having another baby after me, but I didn't mind being by myself, and I had my cousin (who is also an only child) who I used to see quite a lot of so we were a bit like surrogate siblings for each other but generally without the hassle of it being 24/7, and even now we're still very close. Is there anyone like that - a relative, a friend, a neighbour - who might fill the gap if you're worried about your child being lonely?

bonty44

You don't have to have a C-section the next time, dS1 was emergency caesarean and DS2 and DS3 were both born naturally.
HTH

lily76

Thanks for all the replies. I am sorry I can not reply every one.
The labour procedure of giving birth to my son might be a major factor which makes me to think of only having one child. My water broke first and I endured three days' periodical pain and at last was induced which failed after 14 hours of epidual and then my epidual was topped up for a emergent csection.The reason was that I only opened 7 cms after so long induction. When I saw my boy's olive-like head I thanked the hospital to make such a decison. However I still can not forget the time I was transferred to operation bed I could not help shaking and felt cold.

I have a younger brother who only got married this year one month after my son's birth. The difficulty lies in my husband's side. He is an only child and his mum is an only child as well. Both of them hope we could have at least two children. My mum in law knows how much pain I endured and she might fear because of this I wouldn't have more children so she kept talking about 'the second one' in the first two weeks after my delivery. She is a very good mum in law but at that time I was not so happy and made a complain to DH, I thought he had a talk with her cus after that she did not talk anything about it. We received too many cloths from DH'S colleagues or clients and before she would always say 'save some for the second one' but afer that time all she said was 'you can give it to your brother's child'. She is really very nice to me and offered loads of help, but at that time I did feel some pressure.

I did talk a lot about this with DH, but he never gives me a firm answer. All he said was leaving it with time and I might change mind after one year or two and if I really don't want to give another birth we can think about adoption. He did not say things like 'ok if you don't want anymore we just have one' not even in the way only to make me happy for the time being. This is not what he normally is.

As for the gender of the children, it's just a kind of hope and we wouldn't strictly follow it and we can not control that as well. I will leave it with time and see how things going on.

It's so encouraging to see so many mums had a VBAC which gives me hope as well. I might some day start another post asking for the possiblity and advice of having a VBAC.))

clairec79

To be fair to your husband though it sounds like your major issue is the birth not that you don't want another child - so in his head he's saying all that to you by saying about adoption.

After my first I did think 'no more' dh was even more that way (he said I had drugs to help me forget what it was like he saw what I was like) 6 months later all of a sudden I wanted to get pregnant and have another baby - although I didn't have a section with my first (narrowly escaped after being told to push NOW or they were taking me to theatre) it was only after my second birth that I thought that was how it should be and I actually came through her birth thinking 'I could do that again'. you may well find a second labour very different to your first (especially if you go into labour on your own or your waters stay intact for longer - my younger two boys one my waters were broken at fully dilated the other they broke prior to labour - the one where they had already gone was far more painful more quickly

FatVonD

I've not read all the replies but of the ones I've read I think I'm going to be out on a limb here :eek:

Obviously it's up to go but you sound a bit shellshocked at the moment and once you've got over the trauma may start to feel differently.

I'm an only child and (due to fertility problems) have only one child and I wouldn't say it's an ideal situation. Children with siblings imo just seem to be so much more resilient. Maybe its down to temperament but DS gets upset by playground banter that my step kids all just brush off because they've heard it a hundred times before and can give as good as they get! Christmas and holidays can be really boring for an only child too.

I can also recall a time (as an young adult) where I said patiently waiting for my turn on (another adults) Scalextric one Christmas when I joined the celebrations of a family with 3 siblings. It was only when I moaned later that I'd not got a turn t was pointed out to me that I needed to just barge in! I'd sat there politely waiting for someone to say it was my turn with 3 others who'd had to assert themselves all their lives!

It's not just the one generation you need to think about either, DS has no cousins or aunts/uncles as I'm an only child.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

kafkathecat

Er, so fatvond only children are more sensitive, patient and polite according to you, and that is a disadvantage? Maybe we need more only children?

Caroline_a

You've obviously had a tough birth with this one, but all births are very different! With my first I had 12 hours in induced labour and an epidural as the pain was so bad. With number 2, I went into labour thinking that it was going to hurt soon.... and 20 minutes later had my lovely daughter number 2! No time for any pain relief apart from a bit of gas and air!

So don't assume that all labours are going to be like your first! I would just enjoy your baby for now, you will know when you want to think about trying for another one!