What if I decide to have only one child? Does it look abonormal in the Uk?

Caroline_a

CL wrote: »

I think it is a personal choice that few will judge, but I would bear in mind that (God forbid) you or your partner should be ill in your old age it can be a terrible strain on an only child. My DH shares visiting a parent at a care home (due to stroke requires 24 hr nursing care) with 2 of his siblings and even this can be difficult. Doing it on your own would be very hard.

Yes it is. I had sole care of my dad for the last 4 years of his life, including hospital visiting. My children are now all at least 100 miles away, so they couldnt help.

go_cat

Our DS will be an only one due to almost dying having him and having emergency c section, there is no way I would risk him being without his mummy

The question I am always asked is when is he having a brother or sister ...... there seems to be a pressure to have more than one child, but I for one won't be

Do what is right for you and your family and no-one elses

pandora205

I think there are three different issues here:

having a vaginal birth after caesarean (I had two natural deliveries after my first who ws eventually delivered by caesar as she was breech)
wanting two boys and a girl (sorry but you don't get to choose)
and whether it's okay to have just one (there are no rules and pros and cons with all sizes and compositions of families)

Give it time if you have recently given birth - Many mums say never again at first.

thebaileys

I only have 1 child who is 5, he never seem's lonely and we have a wide circle of friends who we met at baby massage, toddlers, nursery and school. He also has 3 cousins who live very close by.

I would like more children, but my little boy is now at school, so I have changed my working hours, so that I work during the day and can collect him from school every day. Before he started school I worked evenings so that I could be with him as much as possible.

I feel that if I have another child now, I will not be able to give this child as much time as I have given my son. I would need a childminder/nursery which I am against at a young age, as I couldn't work evenings again because I wouldn't be able to be with my son.

When you have one child many people say 'Oh when are you going to another' but it's not that simple!

If I could turn the clock back I would have had another fairly soon after my son, but hey ho. I am very happy and blessed to have one wonderful son.

catkins

CL wrote: »

I think it is a personal choice that few will judge, but I would bear in mind that (God forbid) you or your partner should be ill in your old age it can be a terrible strain on an only child. My DH shares visiting a parent at a care home (due to stroke requires 24 hr nursing care) with 2 of his siblings and even this can be difficult. Doing it on your own would be very hard.

You cannot and should not have children in the hope they will look after you in old age. What if they die before you? What if they fall out with you? What if they more abroad?

CL

catkins wrote: »

You cannot and should not have children in the hope they will look after you in old age. What if they die before you? What if they fall out with you? What if they more abroad?

I totally agree, but it doesn't stop a child wanting to do this. What I mean is that siblings are often a support to one another. My DH's parents did not have children to look after them, but this is what they choose to do.

January20

catkins wrote: »

You cannot and should not have children in the hope they will look after you in old age. What if they die before you? What if they fall out with you? What if they more abroad?

And equally you cannot expect that all siblings will be willing or able to look after an elderly frail parent. There are enough stories on here to prove this point!

JC9297

jackieglasgow wrote: »

There's nothing wrong with having one child or ten, what did concern me about your post is that you said you want(ed) two sons and a daughter. No one can guarantee this, if you do decide to have more children, you have to be sure that if they are the "wrong" sex you will want them just as much. I know someone who had several sons whilst trying for a daughter, and once the daughter arrived, the sons were marginalised, and now have no relationship with their mother at all, as adults.

I agree, I thought it was really strange the OP saying 'we had thought of having 3 children, 2 boys and a girl', as if it was the most normal thing in the world to choose the sex of your children.

msb5262

Hello OP,
I'd agree with other posters that you should do what you feel is right and that what is "normal" in the eyes of others shouldn't be a major factor in a decision like this.
However...lots of posters have said that they have an only child and are happy with this. No doubt this is true - but how many only children do you know who have gone on to have just one child themselves? I don't know any, and all the only children I know who are now adults have been absolutely determined to have at least two children because they saw their childhood as quite lonely in some ways.
You might want to leave this whole issue for a while and see what you think in a few weeks or months. You might also consider seeking some counselling to help you deal with what was clearly a traumatic experience of giving birth by emergency Caesarean - I think you've got lots going on at the moment and this might help you to feel better.
Best wishes for the future, whatever it may hold
MsB

Running_Horse

lily76 wrote: »

we had thought of having three children, two boys and one girl

How were you planning to arrange this gender mix?