What if I decide to have only one child? Does it look abonormal in the Uk?

VK-2008

there is no such thing as a normal amount of children to have. if you want none thats ok if you want one thats ok and if you want more thats ok too
its a personal choice between your hubby and yourself
because you had a difficult birth the first time does not mean you will have the same a second time
and if you had a cs then there is nothing to suggest you would need it again
talk to your gp regarding your concerns and health
they will be able to guide you inthe right direction

Amanda65

I have 3 children and my last was a c-section - I would choose that over my 2 horrendous natural deliveries every time:D

jackieglasgow

There's nothing wrong with having one child or ten, what did concern me about your post is that you said you want(ed) two sons and a daughter. No one can guarantee this, if you do decide to have more children, you have to be sure that if they are the "wrong" sex you will want them just as much. I know someone who had several sons whilst trying for a daughter, and once the daughter arrived, the sons were marginalised, and now have no relationship with their mother at all, as adults.

seafarers_wife

we've decided that we are going to have one child as if we had two or more then we wouldnt be able to give our child the same kind of lifestyle we had growing up and that is important to us. we want to be able to afford for me to stay at home especially whilst the baby is young and its important to my OH for me to be a stay at home mum as that is what he grew up with and that is what he wants our child to grow up with.

However if nature takes its course and we have twins or triplets then so be it as plans are just that plans which need to always be flexible

Caroline_a

I am an only child. A lot depends on your parents of course, but there is a huge amount of pressure on only children to fulfil their parents' aspirartions, which I felt most from my father. Certain aspects of my life which, in my eyes were still the right thing to do, were never forgiven by him. I had 3 children, as I never wanted my children to be only ones - it can be very lonely in childhood.

I think you are a pretty new parent from your past posts. Don't make any decisions now, its amazing how quickly you forget the discomforts of birth!!

Fizzpop

If you choses to have one child thats up to you, its your body and your choice, have you sat down and talked through your fears with your other half??

I had a particularly horrific birth with my eldest child which ended in an emergency c section, i was so terrified of having another child i booked in with my doc to discuss the ins and outs of ever doing it again.

I did do it again and right up until 36 weeks i was all bookd in to have a natural birth, but they discovered baby was too big for my pelvis but the consultant i had was brilliant and he sat me down and talked me through what i wanted and what would happen and how it would happen and it was brilliant it was so relaxed i knew what was going to happen and when, i was still upset that i didnt get my natural birth but im happy i didnt have a repeat of what hapened with my eldest x

Im now expecting number 4 and will be sterilised once he or she is safe in my partners arms x

CL

I think it is a personal choice that few will judge, but I would bear in mind that (God forbid) you or your partner should be ill in your old age it can be a terrible strain on an only child. My DH shares visiting a parent at a care home (due to stroke requires 24 hr nursing care) with 2 of his siblings and even this can be difficult. Doing it on your own would be very hard.

Counting_Pennies_2

A very unscientific look at my son's year group has 5 'only children' out of 60.

It is more common to be one of two or three, but definitely not the wrong thing to do.

If I had my time again I think I would have gone for one as well. Not that I would send my DD back for a second, but I have had severe PND since the second and if I could have been able to see into the future of these last three years and retain my sanity, I would say I probably would have stayed with one.

Having said that during the time we were trying for DD we were always feeling guilty about my DS not having any siblings.

When they get to school, they have such hectic social lives, and various activities, that they will make a good network that will replace the need for the siblings. Your key task would be to make sure you build up a close group of other people, to build on the social skills and have a close family (perhaps god families) to lean on as your DS gets older.

I have to say the parents of 'one child' families in the playground look positively serene just having one to look out for, hustle into class, and create all the necessary homemade items, (again there are probably a few in each class throughout the school).

I would however question your reasoning for one child, if it is the fear of having to have a c-section, there is such a thing as VBAC, 'Vaginal Birth After CSection' and it is common. The fear of litigation and patient rights seem to bring high stats of C-sections. But it is very possible to do. I saw a DVD on the very subject when I was doing my training for a course.

The key thing is to have good medical care and that is often where NHS lets itself down through not having enough staff. So I would suggest if you do decide to go for another and you want to try a VBAC is to hire a Doula to ensure you have one to one care, and to read up and watch DVDs on the technique and what to watch out for.

But also, if your first birth was the result of an emergency Csection, a planned one is very much a different experience if you did decide to have another section.

hth

welshcamper

my first child was born by emergency c-section, but i then went on and had my 2cd, 3rd and 4th child normally, and the last one was at age 38.

on my second birth i was monitored very well because of the previous c-section. as mentioned have a chat with your doctor or midwife.

vixarooni

My brother is 13 years older than i am, and my parents had me when they were 40 odd. Not gunna lie there were times i felt lonely....no one to play with ect but it made me go out and make friends that is for sure.

Yea i feel ive "missed" out in some ways, would have liked a brother or sister closer to my age....but im glad i have a sibling at least.

Have you thought about adoption?