What if I decide to have only one child? Does it look abonormal in the Uk?

kafkathecat

- but how many only children do you know who have gone on to have just one child themselves?

My husband is an only child and we have only one. I also have a good friend who is an only who has done the same. My ds now 12 has many friends and loves being an only child.
Look at it another way, lots of people who have siblings go on to have only one.
Has anyone even looked at the Observer article?

January20

msb5262 wrote: »

Hello OP,
- but how many only children do you know who have gone on to have just one child themselves? I don't know any, and all the only children I know who are now adults have been absolutely determined to have at least two children because they saw their childhood as quite lonely in some ways.

MsB

I'm 47 and when I was a child there wasn't this culture of meeting up with friends so often, having sleepovers at each others' houses, no mobile phones, no facebook, not so many play dates, etc. An adult of my age who was an only child might have felt lonely but nowadays I doubt it happens so much given how our lives have changed! so perhaps the argument of loneliness is a little outdated?

Raggs_2

I'm an only child (though with large family through aunts and cousins), and I'm pretty sure I'm fine...

Read the news today (google news), there's an article floating around saying that research shows only children are the happiest (no sibling rivalries etc). And there was another story a few months ago showing that only children have no social issues compared to children of a similar age (around 5/6 after schooling has started). So the child is not going to be at any disadvantage. And from there on in, it's your choice.

MoneysavingManxie

I am in a similar predicament. My DS is 3 and I still don't know whether to have another or not. I went through a terrible labour and ended with an emergency section. I struggled with bonding and now believe I had PND. I have been totally put off!

My husband really wants another but I'm not sure and feel under increased pressure. I don't want to have one just because I feel I have to either for DHs sake. He's an only child and doesn't want DS to be. I am one of four.

To add to my pressure my implant is due out and I am seeing the doctor tomorrow. DH wants to start TTC but I think I'll try and delay things and go on the pill for a few months.

I really don't know what to do. But I don't want to look back in 10 years and wished I'd had another. I'm only 28 so I have a bit of time.

Hermia

CL wrote: »

I think it is a personal choice that few will judge, but I would bear in mind that (God forbid) you or your partner should be ill in your old age it can be a terrible strain on an only child. My DH shares visiting a parent at a care home (due to stroke requires 24 hr nursing care) with 2 of his siblings and even this can be difficult. Doing it on your own would be very hard.

Doing it on your own as an only child can be hard, but doing it one your own when you have siblings is a lot worse! I have several friends who are having to take sole responsibility for elderly/ill parents whilst their lazy siblings won't lift a finger to help. This can especially be the case if you are the only daughter. So many brothers don't see looking after parents as being anything to do with them.

Whether a child is happy or not is not going to depend on how many siblings they have, but rather on their personality and upbringing. I think there are pros and cons to being an only child and having siblings.

Penny-Pincher!!

Why do you care what others think about this?.....YOUR body.....YOUR life.....YOUR decision!!

redstararnie76

Hi,
While there is absolutely nothing wrong with not having any more children, I just wanted to reassure you. I had an emergency c-section with my first because things went wrong and it really scared me. However when I was pregnant with the second, I was actually more scared of having a natural birth go wrong again, that I ended up having a planned c-section, and it was nothing like the first time round. The atmosphere was relaxed, I was calm, the baby was fine and it was fine. My son was out in about 10 minutes and I was in recovery after an hour. I was a lot less depressed the second time around and it was a completely different experience. If you feel that you do want children, you are just nervous about the birth experience, I would recommend that you talk it through with your gp and perhaps the consultant at the hospital.

Gloomendoom

Running_Horse wrote: »

How were you planning to arrange this gender mix?

A colleague of mine managed it in a perfectly natural way.

Mind you, he had to drop everything at a moments notice to race home and service his wife if the wind was blowing from the north, or her feet were feeling warm etc.

I seem to remember he had to wear extremely tight underpants when they were trying for the girl. He did walk funny for a while, but it worked.

lily76

JC9297 wrote: »

I agree, I thought it was really strange the OP saying 'we had thought of having 3 children, 2 boys and a girl', as if it was the most normal thing in the world to choose the sex of your children.

Can I say I forgot a word 'idealy'?

I did not mean I must have two boys and one girl.It's just a kind of dream or hope to have two boys and one girl but if we don't we are same happy.

redpete

lily76 wrote: »

Can I say I forgot a word 'idealy'?

I did not mean I must have two boys and one girl.It's just a kind of dream or hope to have two boys and one girl but if we don't we are same happy.

Even with that caveat this thinking could set you up for disappointment when/if it didn't work out that way.

There are many families where the single child grows up happy, loved and balanced. There are many families with several children where they can be spoilt, unhappy and lonely. Good loving parents make a family work regardless of the number or distribution of the children.