MSE Pregnancy Club 20

ema_o

Silly phone, not sure why it's putting an ' after me, it either does that or changes it to mr?!

Charlie1978

My hubby wouldn't ever say anything like that to me. If he did I really wouldn't be held responsible for my actions! I don't even know how men can justify saying things like that to be honest. What would possess you?!

nic2075

Sarah Im like you and find it hard to sit down and speak to my oh (and everyone else) about how I feel and how he is making me feel. Could you maybe write a letter and let it all out?
Then youll know if he cares enough he'll change his ways. And if he doesnt then tell him to sling his hook. Maybe even threatening to leave him might be enough to realise he doesnt want to lose you.

What he is doing is cruel, even if he doesnt mean to be.
Youve been through a lot and need more support.Does he bring you down in other ways too? How does he help when your feeling depressed?

ive only had 3 proper relationships in my life. all long term. One im still in and the other 2 were both with men who dominated me, put me down and took me for a mug. i never had the guts to get out and see them as wasted years. one cheated on me several times and would disappear for days without contact and I just took it.

Now 6 years on and im with my Oh and I know I find it hard to talk about things as i hate confrontation.But if I felt he took advantage or was cruel to me, id tell him where to go.

Only you know if things can change. be strong and try and face him, either face to face or a letter.

CL

Charlie1978 wrote: »

My hubby wouldn't ever say anything like that to me. If he did I really wouldn't be held responsible for my actions! I don't even know how men can justify saying things like that to be honest. What would possess you?!

I agree. Mine too. I think it has a lot to do with self esteem / confidence. My DH is amazing and we are so happy (and have been together 10 years), but he also knows that I won't take any !!!!!! and that I would & could leave if I was ever treated badly. And vice versa, I treat him with the respect he deserves.

Sorry rant over, I just get frustrated for people who have partners who treat them badly.

Teenie_D

Aw Sarah your post has made me feel really upset for you. I am with you on the weight/depression road but my DH is absolutely wonderful where this is concerned, especially the my weight issue.

Your body is doing an amazing thing just now, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but if he didn't realise that you were going to gain weight and change shape while pregnant then he is a complete @rse!

I can't believe he has told you he finds unattractive and is desperate to get you back into shape!:mad:

I can't honestly advise what to do, as what I would do might not be what you want to hear or would suit you, but seriously sweetheart you need to make him understand one way or another that you can't put up with his attitude. As you know having a baby is a hard enough job without the pressure from him and I would worry that the depression might start to creep back again.

((hugs)) hun and I trully hope you sort something out. xx

ema_o

Dusty, ha I am determined not to like the zoom now . Still, things wouldn't be normal if I wasn't copying you .
Don't worry about lack of movement, I had that for the last couple of weeks and was stressing, but now movements are back with a vengance! At least you don't have long to wait now

As for me I'm just stressing about whether everything will be ok at this scan. Am just used to stressing now tho and have accepted I'll be doing it for the next 20 years +

Friend of mine just told me she is pg, she's been trying for years, had mc'd before 6 weeks twice bless her and has only just found out, so worried it'll happen again. Send some sticky dust her way please!

nic2075

Charlie1978 wrote: »

My hubby wouldn't ever say anything like that to me. If he did I really wouldn't be held responsible for my actions! I don't even know how men can justify saying things like that to be honest. What would possess you?!

I agree. mine can be a bit selfish but nothing too bad (usual male stuff) but he would never put me down in anyway and I would never dream of telling him to lose weight or change something. he is honest if he thinks something doesnt suit me, as i am with him. we try and encourage each other. He is my best friend.

Some people are very honest though and cant hide how they really feel and just say it without thinking. They dont always mean to be hurtful.

sarahangel

Thanks ladies,

He first came out with this carp out of the blue 2 years ago after being together 12 years and that's when I told him to go. Unfortunately I think I love him more than he does me and couldn't let him go at the time so did everything in my power to make things work. Now it just doesn't seem enough. I just can't live like this no more as its making me ill. I'm just scared but I have DD and this baby to think of.

I've told him that we need to talk later on and I'll see what happens then.
Thanks again for your thoughts and hugs.

Charlie1978

I think there is a big difference if you don't feel comfortable with your weight yourself. That is an issue for you to deal with. However, telling someone they are overweight over a long period of time and threatening to leave over it is controlling. It is also abusive. It is degrading and has the intent on trying to bring you down to a level they want you at. For a manic depressive that is just awful. But I get the feeling her partner knows this.

I agree with whomever said it was a confidence issue. And although harsh... I do believe if you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat you will be treated as such forever.

It's time to make some changes Sarah and put your foot down. If you don't, I fear for your sanity. You are worth more than this hun. Please believe it. Because if you don't, no one else will. x

*meant with the best intentions*

** just seen your post. Good for you!

Metranil_Vavin

Sarah your post has made me :mad:

I'm sorry but your OH sounds like a complete a*se, putting down the woman who is mother to his child and soon to be second..how dare he??

I'm so sorry you are feeling rubbish, he has no right to make you feel like that. Is he physically perfect btw?? I somehow doubt it, as most of the type of men who put down their wives/g/f's tend to be no Brad Pitt themselves.

Sorry if I am being harsh, i just can't believe how he could make you feel so awful when you are doing the most amazing thing a woman can do.

Personally I would tell him that if he doesn't like it then he knows where the door is, although this is obviously easy to say and hard to do I know, but you should tell him how upset he is making you.

Hugs hon..you just seem such a lovely person, it really upsets me