MSE Pregnancy Club 20

galvanizersbaby

dustystar02 wrote: »

Morning ladies i'm having one of those meh days too

Remember a few months ago I mentioned I was in a pay dispute at work? Our team of 5 is now down to just me as the pthers have left and haven't been replaced as we have a vacancy freeze on here. So i'm doing the work of 5 people for no extra pay. My line manager who is fab submitted a proposal to increase my grade and it was refused as there is no money available. My linemanger has the money in his budget but cos the organisation is in such a financial mess he isn't allowed to spend it, it has to go on the bigger savings.

Anyhoo, I've got the unions involved. My rep sent a great email outlining my case to the head of HR, Head of finance and my line manager yesterday and now it seems like they are all annoyed at me. My linemanger hasn't even said 'good morning' to me yet and normally he is lovely - so that's upset me.

Plus the barney with OH rolls on. In a nutshell, we both put £200 a month into our joint account to cover bills. When I'm on mat leave we've decided he'll put £400 in and I'll put nothing in but will continue to cover the food shop and obviously any baby costs.

I said as I have no idea how much a baby costs or how much mat pay I'll get, would he be able to put aside a couple of hundred now that I can use during my mat leave if needed for baby stuff. (I simply don't have that extra cash to build a nest egg). This way it saves me going to ask him for money (which I know will cause arguements as we do argue about money).
this couple of hundred is more of a safety net for me so that the pressure is off me if I cannot afford everything on my mat pay. I only intend to use it if I absoloutely need to.

Anyway, caused a huge row cos he thinks I'm trying to fleece him at every turn (he earns a LOT more than me and I am in a LOT of debt).

I know most people just have all the money coming in in one pot for everything but tbh, I wouldn't trust myself with full access to his salary .

This arrangement has worked for us upto now but I'm so panicked about what happens when I'm on mat leave.

I cannot talk to him about money as he always thinks I'm fiddling him.

Soooo, I've decided to write him a letter setting it all out as we honeslty cannot talk about it.

Wow - major angst post - apologies

Dusty

Sounds like you are having a pay/money nightmare one way or the other.

Your OH's attitude sounds a little worrying to me - did you discuss finances beforehand? - what is he expecting you to contribute financially?
Have you worked out how much maternity pay you will be getting plus child benefit etc...

I've not experienced a partner like this as I think most recognise they are a team and know mum's salary will go down while on maternity and expect to provide for the family.

Chin up - I'm not sure what to suggest practicalities wise or how to approach the situation - you do need to sort it with OH though - not good to be worrying and arguing over money

LabLover

Thanks gbaby , think my mum got me the starter set , she mentioned buying something Avent half price in tesco. Dustystar try not to worry too much , think all of us will struggle on MAT pay. Its the other way round for us OH is in debt and I earn more than him. However I will just get bog standard MAT pay , no attractive package at my work so we need to try and clear his debt at the minute, niggles me slightly because its his debt and Im going to have to help him clear it ,and if I didnt need to be helping him the money could go toward baby things. However cest la vie. Im hoping to have about £800 saved while on MAT leave im only taking 7 months off , so this will be an extra £115 a month , better than nothing and we will get £80 a month child benefit . So will get roughly £500 MAT pay , £80 child benefit and £115 savings . Not great but covers my mortgage , council tax and my gas and lecky , the rest will need to come from OH. We will cope somehow im sure

galvanizersbaby

LabLover wrote: »

Thanks gbaby , think my mum got me the starter set , she mentioned buying something Avent half price in tesco. Dustystar try not to worry too much , think all of us will struggle on MAT pay. Its the other way round for us OH is in debt and I earn more than him. However I will just get bog standard MAT pay , no attractive package at my work so we need to try and clear his debt at the minute, niggles me slightly because its his debt and Im going to have to help him clear it ,and if I didnt need to be helping him the money could go toward baby things. However cest la vie. Im hoping to have about £800 saved while on MAT leave im only taking 7 months off , so this will be an extra £115 a month , better than nothing and we will get £80 a month child benefit . So will get roughly £500 MAT pay , £80 child benefit and £115 savings . Not great but covers my mortgage , council tax and my gas and lecky , the rest will need to come from OH. We will cope somehow im sure

I used Avent with my first baby (DS) and got on fine with them (switched to Doctor Browns bottles for a bit with DD and she was a bit collicky) but on the whole the Avent bottles did me well.
Would also recommend the microwave steriiser which is also half price in Tesco at mo.
You just wash the bottles and put them in the steriliser - then add some water and put them on for 10 mins (I think it was) and voila they are sterilised - I found it useful anyway!

LabLover

More questions, lol Would you recomend a bottle warmer. In my baby magazine it was listed as a top buy. But wondered if it was something else they make you think you need and then regret buying. Think its about £40.

GarnetLady

Dusty, can I come and slap him for you? He needs to realise that this is his baby too and that he needs to contribute more than he is now, how is it fair otherwise? Nothing to do with 'fleecing' him at all, you're just making sure that financially you are all managing. Why should you be paying everything of your Mat pay anyway? Like I said it's his responsibility too... He needs to get his head out of his backside. Hope you don't think I'm being too hard on him but I don't like it when people get upset like this, esp ones I like!

And as for your work, well they'll just need to get over it frankly. Why should you suffer? If the union can help then of course you're using them!

As for bottles I'm planning on getting the Tommee Tippee set that was linked here a while ago (by FF?). £49.99 from Babies r Us, but has everything in it.

galvanizersbaby

LabLover wrote: »

More questions, lol Would you recomend a bottle warmer. In my baby magazine it was listed as a top buy. But wondered if it was something else they make you think you need and then regret buying. Think its about £40.

No I personally wouldn't - was on my list of most useless items!
I brought one for my first and never used it - it took ages to heat the bottle total waste of time and money - was quicker to boil kettle and let bottle stand in water for a couple of mins!

EDIT - you are not supposed to use the microwave to heat feeds as it can cause hot spots but I know some mums just give the bottle a good shake afterwards and test and have never had any probs

Princess_Coupon

DD was eligible for the child trust fund and got £500 (an extra £250 as we had both been made redundant and were on a low income). The trust fund has now stopped so I have now realised that's £500 I've got to find to open one:mad:to keep them both the same, I told DH and he said yes yes we will, which means he will forget about it and never get round to it:mad: I told him if we put it off, he'll be 10 before we remember and it'll be too late. Well he can explain to him why his sister is getting a couple of thousand at 18 and he's not! he has been warned.

Is everyone else who has older kids that qualified opening one and matching the amount for the new bubs?

LabLover

Thought that would be the case, most of friends who have had babies said they were a waste of time , but they hadnt even bought one to try so was looking for more opinions. Think I will give it a miss.£40 to go toward something else

annibee

dustystar02 wrote: »

Morning ladies i'm having one of those meh days too

Remember a few months ago I mentioned I was in a pay dispute at work? Our team of 5 is now down to just me as the pthers have left and haven't been replaced as we have a vacancy freeze on here. So i'm doing the work of 5 people for no extra pay. My line manager who is fab submitted a proposal to increase my grade and it was refused as there is no money available. My linemanger has the money in his budget but cos the organisation is in such a financial mess he isn't allowed to spend it, it has to go on the bigger savings.

Anyhoo, I've got the unions involved. My rep sent a great email outlining my case to the head of HR, Head of finance and my line manager yesterday and now it seems like they are all annoyed at me. My linemanger hasn't even said 'good morning' to me yet and normally he is lovely - so that's upset me.

Plus the barney with OH rolls on. In a nutshell, we both put £200 a month into our joint account to cover bills. When I'm on mat leave we've decided he'll put £400 in and I'll put nothing in but will continue to cover the food shop and obviously any baby costs.

I said as I have no idea how much a baby costs or how much mat pay I'll get, would he be able to put aside a couple of hundred now that I can use during my mat leave if needed for baby stuff. (I simply don't have that extra cash to build a nest egg). This way it saves me going to ask him for money (which I know will cause arguements as we do argue about money).
this couple of hundred is more of a safety net for me so that the pressure is off me if I cannot afford everything on my mat pay. I only intend to use it if I absoloutely need to.

Anyway, caused a huge row cos he thinks I'm trying to fleece him at every turn (he earns a LOT more than me and I am in a LOT of debt).

I know most people just have all the money coming in in one pot for everything but tbh, I wouldn't trust myself with full access to his salary .

This arrangement has worked for us upto now but I'm so panicked about what happens when I'm on mat leave.

I cannot talk to him about money as he always thinks I'm fiddling him.

Soooo, I've decided to write him a letter setting it all out as we honeslty cannot talk about it.

Wow - major angst post - apologies

Hey Dusty sorry your having a poop time at the mo! Galvanizersbaby pretty much said what I wanted to say but it must be really frustrating for you.

Me and oh have a joint account for bills which we transfer the half each into on payday

seperate accounts as he has a lot of debt to repay and I pay for things like my waxing and petrol.

a saving acc - anything left over after paying the above is now going in there for when my mat pay goes down to just smp. Its just been me putting in there as I told oh just to worry about his debt for the time being and only little bits here and there.

We both put half into a grocery shopping acc as well

(Yeah we're like account obsessives lol)

We have worked out the income whilst im on mat leave inc child benefit an obviously Ill just put everything ive got into teh joint account to cover the bills.

Do you get company mat pay or just smp?

annibee

GarnetLady wrote: »

Dusty, can I come and slap him for you? He needs to realise that this is his baby too and that he needs to contribute more than he is now, how is it fair otherwise? Nothing to do with 'fleecing' him at all, you're just making sure that financially you are all managing. Why should you be paying everything of your Mat pay anyway? Like I said it's his responsibility too... He needs to get his head out of his backside. Hope you don't think I'm being too hard on him but I don't like it when people get upset like this, esp ones I like!

And as for your work, well they'll just need to get over it frankly. Why should you suffer? If the union can help then of course you're using them!

As for bottles I'm planning on getting the Tommee Tippee set that was linked here a while ago (by FF?). £49.99 from Babies r Us, but has everything in it.

http://www.toysrus.co.uk/Babies-R-Us/Feeding/Steriliser-and-Warmers/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-to-Nature-Essentials-Set%280070825%29

We bought it last week