Immoral_angel's Debt Diary

vickitoria100

immoral_angeluk wrote: »

know that her mum and dad loved her enough to take her places and not have K dictating everything.

are you sure thats what Ashli might think and not what a wonderful mummy suffering with PND thinks?

for what it's worth, you are a fantastic mum and i;m sure both A and K are none the wiser! But I am not going to sit here and patronise you telling you do this and that and it'll make you feel better. PND is an illness and it needs to run its course. I totally understand why you don't want to take the anti-depressants - i think i would feel the same. did you see that programme about Stephen Fry last night? He has bi-polar manic depression and wen to see a specialist and told them he was reluctant to take medication becuase of fears it would make him like a zombie. The specialist told him that the dangers of not taking them and getting worse are much greater than the dangers of taking them, they wouldn't give them otherwise. maybe you should go back to your GP - he should be able to clarify your concerns. Take Ste with you this time.

As for the car, why can't it be you and Ste in the front, A and K and MIL in the back?

Thinking of you x x

looneyleo

Hi I-A.

I posted to you on another thread - but just to re-iterate anti-depressants will do you the world of good. Please try to take them and be consistent. They take a good six weeks to get into your system and take effect, and some do make you feel a little sick at first...but it will be well worth it. You will feel more normal and less emotional about things. I would also suggest that you get as much help as possible from Health Visitors etc. I received counselling supprt from the Motherhood Team who were specialisy Psychiatric Nurses. My CPN was fantastic and helped me work through a lot of issues.

My experience of anti-d's initially was the same as yours - I didn't want to take them. but this was because, in my head, if i took them, I was admitting I was ill, mentally ill and that was just too much for me to handle... I didn't want to be mentally ill...but once I got over that and took them everything worked out and I'm a happy, healthy balanced but still stressed mum! Hope all goes well for you...

patentgirl

I agree with everyone else here
One take the tablets it is only a month you are not going to get dependant on them in that time it is nothing to be ashamed off you are a brilliant mother you just need a bit of help as hundreds of thousands other mums do.
Leave MIL at home explain to her that you want to go as a family and can she do something special for Ashli on her own (as they have a special relationship) like a sleepover or trip out just with Nanny on another day, I am sure she will understand as it is her daughter that has caused the original problem.
you have done so brilliantly dont lose sight of that
Sorry about driving test I passed on my 5th!!!

Bunnyinthelights

Goodness me IA,
TAKE THE BLINKIN' PILLS!
you know I had PND and they did me the world of good. I only needed them for 6 months and it helped me no end. I'm back on Anti depressants again and TBH, I wish I'd been to the doctor earlier. I have been beating myself up for MONTHS about various things and feeling like !!!!!! and it just hit me the other day that I was depressed again and felt the same as I did after I had DD.

Ashli will not have a CLUE what day is her actual birthday so just take her asap. My DH works shifts and we've had Christmas on different days (and birthdays for that matter) and it really makes NO difference what day you celebrate it on! For crying out loud woman, drop K off here and I'll have her!!!!!

Now, take the pills. This is the voice of experience giving you a good talking too, ok!?


Bunny x

lilmisskitkat

(((hugs))) to you hun, i'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment.

Please dont think you are a bad mum because you're not, PND is an illness like the flu or a virus and you'd take antibiotics for that so please take the anti-d's you have been given. They can be a great help and stop that sinking feeling when you feel everything is out of your control. I had PND after having DD and the pills really helped (though it took me 6 months to go to the docs and admit i was depressed, i'd give anything to have those first months back - all i remember is crying and feeling like i wanted to run away from everything, i didn't eat properly or sleep, stopped going out and i feel like i missed out on so much with DD.

Don't be worrying about Ashli's birthday, shes only a little tot yet and would be just as excited with a few balloons and a cake. Ask your MIL if she could look after K when you take Ashli out and then have a lil tea party back at yours for all the family. Just don't beat yourself up over it, you're a great mum, your kids are loved, fed, clothed and warm and that is really all that matters. I had long enough of trying to 'make things up' to DD for me being so young when i had her (16 - eek!), having PND and her not having a dad around etc until i realised that none of the material things i bought her (and consequently got myself into debt for) meant anything. That her having a mummy who was there to tell stories, give cuddles and push her on the swings was far more important.

PM me if you fancy a chat hun, chin up. I've followed your diaries both on here and on Babyworld and i think your doing a great job.

Take care

Kate xxx

Beth86

Hey hun,

Just wanted to send you loads of ((((hugs)))) because it sounds like you need them.

On the topic of antidepressants - you need to do what you feel is right. I had PND after having my little boy and was diagnosed when he was four months old (he's now 19 months) and I felt very much the same, and that the pills were the enemy - so I didn't take them.
But 6 months later I had gotten worse My relationship ended because I couldn't cope with being a Mum and a partner. (I'm not saying it's going to happen to you) But its taken me 9 long months to pick myself back up (although still not ME), I have still refused to take them but often do wonder what if?
If I had taken them, would I still cry when I'm alone in the night? Would I still shout at Garreth if he smeared the walls in lipstick? Would I feel so guilty about not being able to give Garreth everything I want to give him? And would I still be with my ex?
So it's up to you, but sit down (alone) and work every thing out. It doesn't get better on it's own.

Anyway sorry for babbling - I'm going to go now.

(Please don't think I'm telling you what to do, or trying to scare you. I just want you to make the right decision for you and your family.)

immoral_angeluk

MIL has only just left. She got here about 12.20 and I had already been crying when she turned up and when I started explaining everything to her I just broke down into tears again. She said not to worry about Sunday as she's now going to have Kaitlyn so we can still take Ashli, and we'll just do something together another time. I also suggested what someone on here put about Ash spending the night over at nanny's and she said she'd love to and hopefully Ash would sleep fine over there. She took over watching the girls and playing with them while I made us a drink and some lunch. We sat and chatted and then she came with me to get K weighed (she's 11lb 4 now. The little fatty.) and she's going to come round again tomorrow lunchtime and going to come with us to toddler group which Ash will love.

I've taken my first pill. I feel a bit better for getting over the first hurdle so to speak but it's still a long road to travel. K keep crying which is starting to grind me down again now MIL's gone as it means I've got to deal with her again. I just wish she'd go to sleep! Will probably put some music on as a distraction...



Have worked out that to afford Ste's next test and lessons we'll have to use the tax credits for the rest of the month and not save them towards dotty p's.. But if it means he passes then it's worth it and will just have to make sure it doesn't turn into a slippery slope. We've done too well up to now to flush it all down the pan. I am NOT going to let PND get the better of me and ruin all our hard work to clear our debts.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

Well done IA good to hear mil is onboard. Glad you've taken the pill , better to treat it than let it get worse. Good Luck for Ste and his next driving test!

pk2007_2

well done for taking the first pill; as someone suggested earlier getting out of the house and going for a walk will help. exercise is proven to benefit depression.

emzig123

Hey IA, I'm so pleased to see that MIL is gonna help you out. She's clearly a star, just like you! I am also 21 and I am so in awe of you and your strength at being a mum and wife, you really are an inspiration. My mum had a nervous breakdown/depression when I was 17 and yes it is hard but 4 years on she is so much better because she has accepted her limitations and realised that she cannot be amazing at everything. You are a good mum, and I can guarantee that as long as Ashli and Kaitlyn are loved and have food/shelter etc they will be fine. Cherish your little family because you are loved and very lucky.

Good luck with the AD's, my mum didn't want to take them but she knew she had to to get better for us, doesn't mean I loved her any less that she needed help, I respect her for being able to ask for it, and one day both Ashli and Kaitlyn will feel the same.

All the best and keep ploughing on, you are a true star and don'tlet anyone tell you different!