Immoral_angel's Debt Diary

immoral_angeluk

Thanks Zippy. The funny thing is everyone kept telling us how easy a second one was compared to your first as you know what you're doing already, but they don't tell you it's more than twice the work! I feel a bit better now for having vented my spleen so to speak.. and I think that I'm just so tired it's messing my head up! lol!
I've sat down and sorted my head out re the money. I've just started from scratch and instead of counting what we're spending on postage I've transferred everything from paypal to our bank which should go in in 5 days, which brings our total when added to what's actually physically in the debt savings account to £405.85 so now I know where we stand with that.
Our stupid BT bill is paid so have made everything simpler and easier to deal with.

As for the girls I'm just going to take one day at a time and make sure I ask Steve for more help when he is here. Also this afternoon I'm going to take them down to the doctors so I can get K weighed and then go to the shops on the way back to post the last of the ebay stuff and get some milk.

Oh and tomorrow I'm going to be brave and take the girls to Ashli's toddler group. Should be interesting!

chick-chick

Sending you (((hugs))). I think it's perfectly normal to be feeling the way you are, and I'm sure alot of mothers feel the same. Could your partner look after the children whilst you pop out for half an hour or so? Do you have a friends house you can go round, for a cuppa and a chat?

*zippy*

Glad your feeling a bit better. I think the second is easier in so much as you are more relaxed about silly little things, but with your first if they have a sleep you can, but you can't do that with a toddler to look after. My hubby used to bath them and put them to bed and read a story so I had half hour to myself in the evening and it meant he got to spend some time with them.

Hope you have a lovely afternoon

zippy x

Snaggles

A big (((HUG))) from me too. I think what you are going through is a normal reaction, you've had all the excitement of being pregnant, the buzz of giving birth and meeting your new baby, and now there's just plain old real life, and it's a bit of a shock to the system.

I think people have a tendancy to have a period of feeling down after any major event (I've had post-baby blues, post-wedding blues, you name it). You get used to all the fuss, the attention, the excitement....and then all of a sudden it just stops.

And then the baby wont stop crying, or your hair looks a mess, or you burn the tea, or something like that, and it's like the straw that broke the camels back.

Have a good cry if you need to, get it out of your system. If Ashli catches you crying, don't worry, it wont scar her for life (just tell her silly Mummy is crying because she is sooo tired and ask her for a big cuddle to make you feel better).

If you can get either your hubby or a close relative or friend to have the girls for an hour, go and do something just for you (I would suggest having a sleep, but to be honest I found forcing myself to go to sleep for an hour just because I had the opportunity didn't work for me......I found it better to have a bath, or go and read a book, or walk round a few shops, or do my nails, or go and get my hair cut).

If you're still feeling low in a couple of days, have a chat to the health visitor or your GP.

And don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing brilliantly, you will soon get into a routine, and life will start to feel normal again. Don't feel bad about wanting Kaitlyn to sleep all day either......while they're asleep, babies are beautiful, peaceful, adorable.....when they're awake, they're tiring and demanding (although still loveable!).....so again, your feelings are totally understandable.

And feel free to remind me I said all this in about 4 months time....lol!

zag2me

Best thing about feeling down is that you will feel up in the future

It's a wonderful thing the human body.

appleyard

I'd like to think that toddler group will be a good experience - i know we always try to help new mums with a toddler in tow as much as possible and there's always someone who wants to hold the new one

Having the second was the biggest shock of my life - more than having the first and that was bad enough. I found it very difficult to bond with my second. I adore her now but she's four - under 2.5 and I just found her so hard as she wanted to be doing what her older sibling was doing but just couldn't. we still have that but not as bad and they play together now and keep each other company. Its worth the work in the end.

For one, I really don't know how you have the time to do what you're doing with ebay etc. i couldn't remember to do the basics never mind!

Ask for more help, its the only way you'll get it and you need it.

patentgirl

I have just read your whole thread with amazement (in work time too sshh)you are totally marvellous the way you have sorted yourselves out with your money, paying off debts and budgeting all this being in the later stages of pregnancy and giving birth is even more amazing. You have inspired me and you sound a terrific mother to your two beautiful girls everyone is entitled to have a off day, I imagine you are really tired trying to do everything as we all do, i have a similar age gap to you, they now being 22 and 20 and get on really well, can Steve take them out for a walk perhaps to give you a bit of time to recuperate or any friends willing to help, one thing I did learn take any offers of help I thought i could do everything for first baby but by the time i had my third baby! I took every offer going from ironing, bringing casseroles round etc
Good luck and keep thnking how brilliant you are. You are a remarkable person.

tigzem

Awww big (((Hugs))) I can only imagine how much hard work it is as I've only got one (almost 18months). I hope things seem brighter for you soon, as I'm sure they will. xx

immoral_angeluk

Well Steve and I had a good chat last night about how I was feeling. It hasn't really solved anything as it's mostly from being so tired but it was good to get it off my chest and have a bit of a cry. Last night was hard again. K woke up for a feed at half 3 and as per usual Ste had a strop because he was tired so even though he kept telling me to go back to sleep (It was supposed to be me doing the feed as Steve's back at work.) I felt I couldn't because I knew full well that Ste's patience was at zero and I'd end up being woken up by having to take over trying to settle her/feed her/wind her unless I wanted to listen to him ranting and raving again. I took over after she'd had her bottle as she wouldn't wind for him and it took me til 5.30 to get her to sleep so I'm shattered again and spent most of that time sat up with tears in my eyes. Steve's said that tonight he's sending me to bed at 9 to try and catch up but I feel so bad because he's tired too even if last night was the first time he's gotten up to do a feed since he's been back at work.



I'm so glad this phase is only temporary. It's only been 3 weeks for gods sake.

To top it all off K's been really snuffley this morning so it looks like she's getting a cold. Great.

Snaggles

Why don't you make a pact that Steve will do the night feed tonight (with no ranting or waking you up), and tomorrow you'll do it, so you both get a full nights sleep. Don't worry or feel guilty about Steve being tired (or you wont be able to get to sleep yourself), he's a grown-up, he WILL cope!

Don't make the mistake of thinking that because you are on maternity leave, you have to do everything.....yes, you will probably naturally take on the majority of the night feeds etc, but you ARE only human, and need a break sometimes.

You will get through this, it seems like forever when you are in the middle of it, but when you look back at it in a few months, it will seem like it passed really quickly (that's why I think your second baby comes as such a shock, because your brain has tricked you into thinking the first few weeks with your first one really weren't that bad, and flew by).

Make sure you are eating properly, you need plenty of slow-releasing energy so pasta is great, and it's quick and easy to cook. If you forget to take care of yourself, looking after the kids becomes so much harder. If things are overwhelming you, make a list of anything you need to do today, then cross off anything that isn't essential, and just tackle the things that really NEED doing (will your life really fall apart if you don't vac the living room today???).

Accept any help that is offered - people wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it, and people do love to feel involved when there's a new baby around.

And stop being so hard on yourself. Really. Right now. You are doing really well.

Hope K recovers from her cold quickly and doesn't pass it on to you xxx