Stopped Paying

CSA_Help

Sums it up for some of the PWC's

Dictating their childs future of who they can spend time with.

A child is only a child once and should have time with both parents.

I'll wait:D

shegirl

kezzygirl wrote: »

wow, some really venomous replies to this thread!tbh it is all relative as no-ones circumstances are the same!i can see where the op is coming from as we too have an evil cow for a pwc.but at the same time i can try and see where the pwcs who have replied to this thread are coming from.

It's not about either of them.It's about the child and it's about time people started bloody realising that!

speedster

shegirl wrote: »

It's not about either of them.It's about the child and it's about time people started bloody realising that!

unfortunatley there are crap parents on both sides.

you have nrp's like DX2's ex who have naff all to do with their child, financially or physically but have every opportunity to see as much of their child/ren as they please.

then you have PWC's like mine, who spent years on a pathetic quest to drive me out of my daughters life and failed dramatically on all counts.

we're all on here because of a sh1tty ex in one way/sex or another.

clearingout

speedster wrote: »

we're all on here because of a sh1tty ex in one way/sex or another.

amen to that!

AnxiousMum

Re the moving abroad - I too moved abroad WITH the children for work purposes. However, before we left, we ensured that there was a Canadian order in force which stipulated access, and as it's a Canadian order, if it's not adhered to, they can and do take action, unlike the flimsy UK system where PWC's who want to play havoc with their children/NRP's relationship can and do get away with it. On the other hand, I also chose the Canadian system of maintenance - as the same goes with that.
As time has gone on though - visits have decreased (at NRP's doing) and telephone calls have gone from a weekly call to a bi-monthly chat about the national hockey league. Funnily, this change only came about to coincide with him having a new partner and baby, and his very wrong choice (or hers?) to stop paying maintenance. When I reminded my kids that it was their dad's birthday the other day, I got a shrug. Well, they are now adults - so I'm certainly not doing the birthday run where I go get a card and have them write it anymore.

FBaby

How many relationships between nrp and children really make it through when there are miles separating them especially when the children are young? I've never heard of it being successful unless the parents were really well-off and able to afford very regular visits.

My parents divorced when I was 2, i saw my dad every other week-end until I turned 8 and my mum and I moved 400 miles away. To start with I travelled every other week-end flying. That was distressing enough as the airports were an hour away on each side, so quite a long journey on Friday evenings after a busy week and Sunday evenings. After a few months, it became too exhausting (and probably costly for my parents) and it became a once every 3 or 4 weeks thing. However, I missed my dad horribly. When I was 11, my mum pretended that a friend of my grand dad was visiting and wanted to know about me. I didn't question it really, but I later found out that he was a guy from children services that my mum had asked to come to talk to me so she would found out how I really felt about the situation (I wouldn't tell her so not to hurt her feelings). It happened I told this man that I really missed my dad. Three months later, she had given up her job and flat and we had moved back within 40 miles to where my dad was and I was able to see again regularly. it wasn't her only reason to move, but it certainly influenced it significantly. I am so thankful to her as I have little doubt that had we not moved, I wouldn't have the relationship I have had with my dad over the years (now 40 years old!).

I do respect that sometimes, there really is no choice but to move far away, but to I struggle to believe that it doesn't affect the children. It's not about keeping in touch with phone calls etc..., it's about feeling part of the family and that is really hard to do when you only visit 2 or 3 times a year and you feel that your dad's house is no more familiar than a hotel and all the things they do and take for granted are so foreign to you. Yes sometimes you have no choice but I think believing it is not going to affect the kids significantly is being in denial.

HiTo

I haven't read all the posts, but for me if your serious about contact then move back to the UK. You can whine and moan all you like about the pwc but there is little you can do about it in Saudi.

diabolical_2

Can i state a fact here, we didn't move away to avoid payments, we just wouldn't do that, and, my husband has never not wanted to pay for his child, he's always seen it as paying for his child and not the ex, it helps him feel part of her life, and she knows her dad pays her mum money to help look after her.
Also, we moved away 3yrs ago and have never not once missed a payment, infact it increased, so all these bitter PWC please read what i write before jumping in with your answers.
Another fact, due to the nature of hubbys work we spend many weekends in the Uk, his company pays for flights so again no problems, another fact, he has bent over backwards offering the ex plane tickets to bring the wee one over on every school holiday she has had since we have been here.

She's bitter, she is jealous, she has damned my husbands name to everyone and anyone who would listen, but you know what, when its been possible for him to speak to his little girl she has told him she loves him, misses him (and me) and wishes her mum wouldn't be so angry.

And were still not going to pay her a penny until somehow this gets sorted once and for all.

diabolical_2

HiTo wrote: »

I haven't read all the posts, but for me if your serious about contact then move back to the UK. You can whine and moan all you like about the pwc but there is little you can do about it in Saudi.

''Whine'' are you serious, and we should move should we, well i'll make sure to pass that onto his old boss whose company went down the pan a few years ago and made my husband redundant, its all his fault my husband has a bitter ex!

Infact, can we come and live with you in your world, cheers.

Kimitatsu

diabolical wrote: »

She's bitter, she is jealous, she has damned my husbands name to everyone and anyone who would listen, but you know what, when its been possible for him to speak to his little girl she has told him she loves him, misses him (and me) and wishes her mum wouldn't be so angry.

And were still not going to pay her a penny until somehow this gets sorted once and for all.

Do you know that pulled at my heart strings because can you not see the damage you are about to do? Your step daughter wishes mummy wasnt so angry but loves you both - so when you stop paying and mummy ceases ALL contact or you have to go to court and go through the whole rigmarole of CAFCASS etc etc and all the while Mum is dripping poison into her ear, how will you feel?

I am not saying that the PWC is right (far from it) but do you know what its only money, and no amount of money can buy that little girls love. Give it time and get to court for a contact order, if you are back several weekends then I really dont understand what the issue is? Get a contact order for a specified number of weekends, within a few years she will be able to have an escorted flight with the airline and she can come and see you in the holidays - by that time you will have a regular pattern of contact and Mum will not have a leg to stand on.

I appreciate you are frustrated but please just stop think and take a deep breath before you make yourself no better than her! You really need to take a long term view here rather than getting involved in this pathetic niggling!!

For the record I am a PWC and like DX2 my ex pays a nominal amount but doesnt see his kids either. To me the money is practically irrelevant now as they know they are loved, wanted and feel safe and secure, far better than anything. I am also the partner of an NRP who has paid a huge amount of maintenance over the years, we too had to go for contact orders etc but now see the benefits of playing the long game as those two children have a good relationship with us depsite the PWC, so I do appreciate how frustrating and upsetting it is, but please think about what has been said.