Stopped Paying

FBaby

speedster wrote: »

unfortunately, stereotypes arise when an alarming pattern starts to form that cant be put down to coincidence, so yes, that is a quite "stereotypical" statement. which equates to a regular occurrence. (backed up by hundreds of thousands of CO apps. the vast majority don't take court as a first step, it's a last resort when there is no reasoning with the PWC)

and as the PWC always holds all the cards, unfortunatley it's a big "coincidence" that they use the child/ren as weapons in their sick little games.

if PWC don't want to be stereotyped, then they should stop using the children as weapons.

simplezzzzzz

I think that goes for the father who doesn't want to pay anything to the child seeing it as money going to the ex and does everything to manipulate his accounts so the child does indeed end up with very little money

I mentioned the stereotype because the OP statements fit so well with it. Of course it is very possible that what she describes is a perfect account of what the pwc really thinks and is. Personally, when I read how she believes the situation should be dealt with, it does make me wonder though.... and I certainly don't believe the intended blow will have the expected outcome. The pwc might indeed struggle without the money coming in, but on the other hand, she will finally have the excuse to stop ALL contact once and for all and simply say to her daughter that her dad, in addition to having left miles away, now thinks that she should stop her ballet lessons and school trips... If she has a new partner, she might see this as the green light that he becomes the 'new' daddy. She might delight in being given the opportunity without any sense of guilt...

by the way, for the OP, my ex doesn't pay any financial support. I have long stopped expecting it and have learnt to adjust my budget to take that lack of income into consideration. He still sees his children twice a week because I love my children and wouldn't break their heart by telling them they can't see their dad any longer, but my respect for him as long gone down the drains. You can't get hurt by those you expect nothing from, and I have my conscience that I am a good mum that allows me to sleep well at night.

tamarto

You are so right i mean why should you pay for a child you don't see, i mean it's not called pay per view for nothing, oh wait......

PlayingHardball

OP...you posted a very good question and you've had plenty of good advice. My first instinct is to be really angry with you, but then I think that you have obviously had a hard time and it isn't easy for you to watch your husband being hurt, thats normal. So, I understand and empathise that point.

My situation isn't the same as yours, so I won't bore you. But something is very similar, in that my ex-husband completely stopped paying child support just over 2 years ago when he moved abroad. There was no reason for him to have stopped, except that just that like you, he did his research and decided he'd get away with it. I can't speak for him, or what his reasons were for stopping.

I can speak for my daughter though and the results of his actions. She hates her dad. She won't call him dad, he has hurt her more then she could ever imagine, he's confused her. She equates his not wanting to help to look after her financially as not loving her. She never wants to see him again, and according to my most recent heart to heart conversation with her the other day, even if he attempts to get in touch with her again or pay child support again, she wants nothing to do with him - ever again.

She and her older siblings put a very large part of the blame on the step-mums influence, hence, they all hate her too. She was 13 when this all started, so older then your step-daughter, but she has been through terrible emotional stress because of all of this.

Don't underestimate the effect this will have on the step-daughter.

What you and your husband are about to do financially will be incredibly harmful to this little girl and you can be 100% guaranteed that this will totally affect the rest of your husbands lifelong relationship with her.

Don't put his child through this, please.

That would show you and him to be very, very selfish.

Marisco

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

him for choosing a new life with the new bird over staying in the country and making sure he has a close relationship with his daughter

That is a ridiculous statement!!! Nowhere has the OP said they moved to dodge maintenance. In fact nowhere has the OP said why they live in Saudi, maybe his work sent him there and he had no choice. Should he have given up his job, and go on benefits and just pay 5 quid a week? Reading this thread, I do wonder if some posters have experience of what dealing with a bitter, vindictive, downright nasty PWC is really like!!

Shermanator123

Marisco wrote: »

That is a ridiculous statement!!! Nowhere has the OP said they moved to dodge maintenance. In fact nowhere has the OP said why they live in Saudi, maybe his work sent him there and he had no choice. Should he have given up his job, and go on benefits and just pay 5 quid a week? Reading this thread, I do wonder if some posters have experience of what dealing with a bitter, vindictive, downright nasty PWC is really like!!

Well at least £5 per week would be better than nothing!!!!

Loopy_Girl

Marisco wrote: »

That is a ridiculous statement!!! Nowhere has the OP said they moved to dodge maintenance. In fact nowhere has the OP said why they live in Saudi, maybe his work sent him there and he had no choice. Should he have given up his job, and go on benefits and just pay 5 quid a week? Reading this thread, I do wonder if some posters have experience of what dealing with a bitter, vindictive, downright nasty PWC is really like!!

Maybe his work did but you would have thought that there would have been othere options - surely when you have a child it comes first? It should anyway...or maybe that's just me...
How can you expect any kind of close relationship woth your child when you are thousands of miles away? A weekly phone call is hardly cutting it...and it's you that mentioning he money...maybe the PWC would have preferred a fiver a week if it meant the child saw her Dad regularly

And the move may not have been to avoid maintenance but the OP is sure as hell clued up on if it can be paid

SingleSue

OP - I am a pwc but a reasonable one (my ex has unlimited access to his children which he chooses not to take up) but I am concerned that your actions could really cause your husband a problem in years to come in regards to his daughter.

If the ex is already playing hard ball re access, with holding the child support will only make things ten times worse....not better. A hard ball playing ex will not just smile sweetly and say "Oh ok, as you have with held it, I will let you see your daughter when you want", no, she would more probably say "Right, if that is how you want to play it" and then tell the daughter just how bad her father is because now she cannot afford the dance lessons/horse riding/swimming lessons etc.

She will probably not say nice things to her daughter and that will be awful in years to come...the child will remember a loss of treats/lifestyle plus have the mother being crappy about the dad.

Children do notice, they are not stupid...mine despite their autism, have picked up that their father rarely sees them and when he does, doesn't really want to be with them and as a result, they don't want to see him the next time he decides he wants them, do not want to get him a Christmas present and want to change their surname to my maiden name (I still use my married name and want them to have the same as me....and their father) and that is with me defending their father and telling them he is trying his hardest and that things are awkward employment wise and taking time off! As usual, it will probably be me buying his Christmas present from the boys.

I urge you to think about this more and see that the only people it will really hurt with be your husbands daughter and your husband and for years and years to come.

Personally, I can't understand those PWC's who block access for no good reason as children need both parents input in their lives. The same as I cannot understand PWC's who want to take their ex husbands for every penny without having an understanding of any difficulties the NRP may face.

I also cannot understand NRP's, who do not want to make a contribution financially or emotionally to their children...but then maybe I am old school and it is my experience of being the child of parents who have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this year.

13Kent

There seems to be a lot of anger aimed at the Nrp for moving abroad. In some cases the NRP doesn't have a choice about where he works. If the scenario was that he had given up his job and stopped payments rather than move abroad and continue to pay maintenance then a lot of people would be disgusted about that and shoot them down in flames too.

I understand the frustration of having a PWC that makes life increasingly awkward, but I think that stopping payments will give her even more ammunition to turn the child against the father.

Blonde_Bint

With regards to this working abroad business, my father works abroad and has 2 young children he and the mother are still together but he obviously sees them only when he is back in the country.

My sister in laws father too works abroad her parents are together and he has worked like this since, well, as far back as she can remember. These sets of people to my knowledge have never been flambayed for their actions.

Just because you are no longer with the mother it does not mean that taking a job abroad should not be an option????? a person who splits up with someone has the same rights as everyone else.

kezzygirl

wow, some really venomous replies to this thread!tbh it is all relative as no-ones circumstances are the same!i can see where the op is coming from as we too have an evil cow for a pwc.but at the same time i can try and see where the pwcs who have replied to this thread are coming from.