Poverty = My MIL

LilacLouisa

It is so difficult when they will only accept a little help when you would willingly help so much more isn't it? I am not sure whether it is pride or unwillingness to let people know how out of control their life has become.

If your BIL won't apply for DLA, might some therapy help your Mum in Law, make her feel her needs are important too and that she is worth more than this?

She is lucky to have you for a daughter in law and I am sure she realises that. Even if you are unable to get her to accept your help she will know someone cares. Good luck, please let us know how you go on.

laurenjs88

Well, I caved and spoke to my parents about it because I just find it so upsetting. I recieved much the same advice & mum mentioned that I need to ask myself whether I am just enabling the situation by trying to help. Which I kind of guess I am. She said if I was really concerned the best bet would be to speak to Adult Social Services & the Local Mental Health Team, So ive done that this morning.

I'm going to ring MIL later and try to give her a nudge to go back to the doctors about BIL & I will still sort her out a washing machine as she doesnt know how to use a computer very well.

But other than that I tihnk i'm going to try and take a step back from the situation & try to get some non-worried sleep!

No doubt I will be back to vent

Apricot

Hope it works out for you and MIL it must be terrible to stand back but you have tried your best. If she can't/won't help herself please don't feel guilty.

thebaileys

You really do sound like a lovely person, but you have a family of your own to worry about.

My MIL's life is very similar, however she doesn't work.

She never has any money, the house is run down, garden overgrown, never enough food in the house-but always plenty of fag's, and can's.

However this is her choice of life, she chooses not to work.

I used to feel sorry for her, but not anymore. She is over 50 years old, and need's to sort her life out!

You must take a step back, and let her get on with it.

IHD

I know you said she has no heating , but doesnt she have a fire/gas fire? Once you get the washer sorted what about a clothes airer , so she can dry things round the fire and at least not go out in clean but wet clothes.

themull1

Are there no launderettes in her local town that she could use?

DoWhatULove-LoveWhatUDo

msfoxymax wrote: »

TBH some people don't 'chose' to live in difficult circumstances but things just happen and it can seem impossible to make them better. I'm sure you are doing everything you can and well done you. I'm glad you havent chosen to give up helping her. Have you also checked gumtree for cheap wm? Good luck your doing a great job x

Molly41 wrote: »

Do you really think she is choosing this way of life? Sounds like she is a victim of domestic abuse by her son and she is too frightened, disempowered and downtrodden to do anything about it. She sounds like she is trapped. No one know what happens behind closed doors!

I agree with the above. The poor lady sounds depressed defeated and a victim of domestic abuse.

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Have you read the very long previous thread that Lauren posted previously? She doesn't want to change...Lauren has offered to have her stay, clean the house for her, have a word with the Son etc etc and it's all met with a wall of apathy.

Whilst it's a shame she is living like this, it's not Lauren's place to go in all guns blazing and get things changed.

Sorry but I think it's ridiculous that a woman would think it's acceptable to have no heating in her home and be going to work in wet clothes. The woman is not an imbicile - she knows right from wrong.

Hundreds of thousands of people have no heating in their homes and go to school or work in wet clothes. It's shocking but not something they choose to do.

In have nothing but sympathy for the lady who is all to aware that nothing can really change no matter what Lauren tried to do for her.

This is a complicated emotional situation so a simplistic analysis just doesn't cut it I'm afraid.

BallandChain

I really don't think it is up to Lauren to help although it's a lovely thing that Lauren is doing. I remember the last thread and the advice then was to leave well alone. Also, this isn't Lauren's mum and if she steps in then I can see Lauren getting it in the neck from her husband. It is up to her husband to step up to the plate and I'm surprised he doesn't take much interest or care as much as Lauren does.

Your parents are right Lauren and honestly, people will think no less of you for taking a step back. This is up to your husband to sort out not you. I have got involved with in-law stuff before and it really doesn't pay to get involved no matter how good your intentions.

Person_one

I don't have my heating on yet, my clothes still dry within about 24-36 hours, there's no need for her to be wearing wet uniform!

Jacks_xxx

I don't have any solutions to suggest - as posters have said this is a complex situation - but I just wanted to say to Lauren that I'm like you chick.

It's in my nature to care about people who are struggling, and want to help them. No matter what anybody says you can't just turn your nature off like a tap.

I'm glad your MIL has someone like you in her life to worry about her, even though it's frustrating for you.

I know most people find it easier on themselves to blame the victim and believe that she'd sort it all out herself if she was unhappy. This absolves them of any and all responsibility to try and help.

It sounds as if her family all have problems of their own and no personal resources left over to help your MIL. I expect your hubby feels helpless to change anything. I feel for all of you. It's a tough situation.