Poverty = My MIL

laurenjs88

God, this probably wont read making much sense but I'm so upset so please forgive me,

Some of you might remember a previous thread about my MIL's complete waste of space of a son, OH's brother...

Well since then things have only got worse.

How anybody can cope with the amount of cr*p life throws at her and still get up for work everyday I really don't know.

I've just found out tonight that her washing machine has been broken since september and as she cant afford to fix/get a new one she has been handwashing everything - she has quite bad Arthritis, But nothing dries because shes not had central heating for years! So she is going to work in wet uniform and just drying as she goes along...

BIL is still a complete loser and nobody does anything, No-one gives a seconds thought for MIL and I am just at the end of my tether with the lot of them!

Had I have known back in september about the washing machine I could of just got one off freecycle for her!

And I feel so bloody selfish for not knowing what kind of DIL am I that I havent done anything to help Why cant I afford to just buy her a new washing machine and fix her central heating and put in double glazing and maybe even get her some carpet!

I've got her all these little pamper gifts for christmas that i've collected over the year, because she would never get them for herself but whats the point in those! Why havent I used my brain and done something more practical?!

We live 150 miles away but BIL & SIL are right there! Why hasnt SIL told us, so we can do something!

I know people said before that I should step back and I cant do anything unless they want help, But I cant watch this go on any longer, something has to be done I just dont know where to start!

msfoxymax

I'd start by slapping BIL and SIL around the face with some of your MIL's wet clothes!! Seriously how selfish are these people letting her wear wet clothes????????? Some bl00dy people :eek::eek:

SingleMumOf2_3

Get onto freecycle asap for a washer and a dryer.. someone may have one going. As for BIL and SIL, they need a good talking to

elisamoose

Shoot me down in flames .................but why is it up to others to do these things for her ? She is working and should be organised to get a SH machine. As for living without heating.............

balletshoes

Maybe your BIL and SIL didn't know either?
Have to agree with a previous poster too though, is there a reason your MIL can't sort these things out for herself?

joeblack066

It sounds as if MIl is depressed, and maybe living on a very low wage, and can't afford a washing machine - it only takes one thing to go wrong to throw your finances out of kilter when you are very low on money. Same applies to the CH.
OP, I think you are wonderful to care as much as you do, and there is no explaining how families behave sometimes. Practically, here are some ideas as to what you could do;
- Get a WM from freecycle in her area so collection is easier - could BIL/SIL do that?
- Check out local charities in the area to see ig there is any WM available
- Does she own her home? Is she entitled to any grants to help warm her house up?
- If she's in rented, get onto the landlord.
- Could you find a local plumber who would be willing to give a quote on the cost of repair for the heating?
- Could you rise to something like this for her to help with clothes drying?
http://www.lifestylesathome.co.uk/i-4277/foldable-electric-airer.htm
- Get her a snuggle fleece, hot water bottle and thermos for over the winter for a Christmas box, will ensure that she is warm when at home.
- Get her a halogen heater (about £12) so she can warm the room she is in.
- How about writing to her once a week, chatty letter, perhaps include any vouchers that you have been able to gather (you could get work mates/ friends on a mission to gather as many as possible!).
- Keep caring :-)

belfastgirl23

No real advice (I think what's here already is great) but just wanted to say you sound like a lovely DIL hope things work out...

tigzem

I have a lump in my throat to think that she is living like this you sound lovely for caring. I hope you can find her a WM and get her heating sorted. I think the snuggle blanket, thermos etc for a Christmas box is a fab idea.

thistledome

OP, is there any way that the family could club together and buy your MIL even a 2nd hand washing reconned. machine? I bought a reconditioned Zanussi from a local shop about 12 years ago for £60 and it's still going. (obv. it would have to be a shop local to your MIL - can't the SIL and BIL do anything for her?).

I agree you have to do something, even if it's only to organise SIL and BIL to help her! Best of luck.

McKneff

Stop feeling mad and guilty.

MIL is a grown woman !!!!!!. Let her sort herself out, ask her if you can help in anyway, dont go in all guns blazing and take over, she may not appreciate you bullying her.

thoughtfull little gifts that you have bought for her will mean much more to her than you acting as lady bountiful and getting her central heating fixed.

laurenjs88

Thanks for the advice, BIL lives with MIL and just leeches off her basically, he lives in his room doest wash well hes to big to fit in the tub now, have an income doesnt contribute but has his own cabled internet connection, Ive tried to get it cancelled to save money for her but BIL has Mental Health problems and can be violent, He wont see the doctor or social workers and just makes his mum tiptoe around him. SIL lives in the town next door and is single mum on benefits so neither would chip in.

For the record I dontwould never bully my MIL and I find that quite offensive, I just have a completly different view on family look out for eachother, MIL does want help but shes too timid and ashamed of her situation to ask for it.

We struggle for an income too so I will have to see what I can do, Im trying to see if she is eligable for the WarmFront scheme but she doesnt have a landline number so I will ring them tomorrow, I will definatly look at getting her a snuggle robe Ive already got slippers and hot water bottle (won them from Andrex!)

I am trying to join Freecycle in their area but its being difficult, also Im not sure how I would go from getting given it via email to getting it into her house!?


I've calmed down abit now, just sick of everybody sticking their heads in the sand and not pulling together.