Poverty = My MIL

PasturesNew

If you post the area/half the postcode here somebody might be in that area and be able to look on freecycle for/with you, or suggest other places.

Loopy_Girl

Sorry Lauren but you have been before....your MIL is a grown woman and is choosing to live like this -lets be honest, she could have said something earlier.

If I remember this was the woman who was spending all her money on her son and was stealing food from work to eat?

There's no point getting angry with other family members to be honest as she could have got this all sorted herself.

I'm not getting at you - you sound like a wonderful and caring person - but she has lived her life like this for years, being dictated by her son and living hand to mouth and I don't think she is going to change.

Frankly it's ridiculous that a grown woman is going out in wet clothes in this weather - a phone call when the machine broke could have stopped all that and if she's too proud or whetever to ask for help then there's not much she can do.
On a positive I assume she never got caught stealing so that's something.

laurenjs88

I know I posted before yes, It was that situ. I know theres not really anything I can do its just infuriating and really upsetting... It would just never happen in my family if you get what I mean, I understand all families are different but this is just wrong to me. I've been brought up to help others and MIL being someone I care about alot its hard not to do anything... *sigh*

Loopy_Girl

I know....it must be incredibly frustrating but you have to remember that this is OH family and they clearly aren't as close knit as your family.

Your MIL is choosing to live like this - no matter how timid or shy she is, she could have asked for help.

You are not going to change the way she is with her Son (the one that lives with her) so I wouldn't even go down that road.

It's sad her life has turned out like this, and dare I say she is acting a bit like a martyr, but all you can do is help for now, implore that she can call you for help and I'm afraid there's not much else.

At some point she has to take responsibility for her way of living. I agree she is sounding depressed - and probably is still from when you last posted - but all you can do is offer to be there. Whether she takes you up on the offer is up to her.

p.s I don't think McKneff meant you were bullying your MIL, more I think you were maybe going in all guns blazing with talk of washing machines and getting the heating fixed etc and maybe your MIL would feel 'bullied' (rail-roaded) into going along with you.
No one is suggesting you are a bully at all.

laurenjs88

Yes I get know I was just overly sensitive, Sorry McKneff.

I will get her the snuggle robe and try to get a washing machine on Freecycle we need to go up really anyway and drop off the pressie's so maybe we could try and get one that weekend.

I think theres loads of second hand furniture places in Grimsby & Cleethorpes if I remember rightly!

Loopy_Girl

You're doing a good thing Lauren...just don't expect things to change;)

msfoxymax

TBH some people don't 'chose' to live in difficult circumstances but things just happen and it can seem impossible to make them better. I'm sure you are doing everything you can and well done you. I'm glad you havent chosen to give up helping her. Have you also checked gumtree for cheap wm? Good luck your doing a great job x

Molly41

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Your MIL is choosing to live like this - no matter how timid or shy she is, she could have asked for help.

You are not going to change the way she is with her Son (the one that lives with her) so I wouldn't even go down that road.

Do you really think she is choosing this way of life? Sounds like she is a victim of domestic abuse by her son and she is too frightened, disempowered and downtrodden to do anything about it. She sounds like she is trapped. No one know what happens behind closed doors!

Loopy_Girl

I'm not saying she is choosing it....but she could choose to change it...she knows Lauren is out there and wanting to help - all it takes is a phone call

ddebski_us

Can I ask what your OH is doing about it? It's his mum too.

xDx