Real life MMD: 'Should singles pay more than couples?'

kaz0705

This happened just this week with me. It's a friend's 30th so a group of us decided to put in money to get her something bigger.

It was 3 couples and a single friend putting in for it and there was absolutely no expectation that my single friend should pay more- the idea that they should is ridiculous. However, interestingly, the couples weren't expected to give a set amount anyway and it was done on an individual basis within the couples as well (ie. for couple A, Sue is paying £20 and Bob is paying £15).

elizabethhull

When I take cake to a club in celebration of my birthday, I always make it gluten-free, so the one coeliac can enjoy, and NO-ONE ever notices the difference! I've eaten her cakes too & they're lovely, so why can't your wife take in home-made stuff (not that expensive) ?

Regarding the present problem, why don't people ever ASK to clarify the situation? Trust me, lots of people never even notice an inequality until it's pointed out, but are often perfectly agreeable for it to be rectified.

Gareth_Lazelle wrote: »

My wife has a similar work-related problem,

At her workplace staff buy cakes for other staff members on their birthdays - all very well,

My wife is a coeliac (can't eat gluten) though, so she can't eat anyone else's cakes - should she still be expected to buy everyone else cakes on her birthday? (She simply doesn't participate at all for what it's worth - but the problem also arises at the Xmas party, etc)

harz99

Simple answer is as long as the singleton paying £30 gets a present valued at £30, no problem. Similarly if he/she elects to pay only £15 he/she should get a present worth only £15.:D

djembe_caz

I'd be a bit offended that the assumption was towards couples, alienating the one person because they're single. Like how holidays are based on two people sharing, buy one get one half price restaurant deals etc.

Anyway a simple email to ask would obviously clear it up but since I'd be feeling offended I'd be inclined to give half.

NONNI777

borokat wrote: »

Looking at it another way, if there are 4 couples and 1 single, 4x30 = £120. So the single will get a gift worth £120. If the single only pays £15, each couple would get 3x30 + 15 = 105.
If they are all going to pay £30 towards his present, he should do the same.

This is not true. If there are four couples plus one single person there are still 9 people in total. With each couple paying £30, each individual is paying £15. Assuming the single person paid £15 also, which is only fair, each individual would get a present worth £120 (8x15=120), despite the fact that they are either part of a couple or single. With each of the eight remaining individuals contributing £15 there will be £120 in the pot for each birthday.

Expecting a single person to pay £30 is unfair. Its like saying that if you had a partner you would be ok to pay £15 but as your single you must pay more.

If these people are real friends, which it sounds like they are if you are making such big arrangments for your 30th birthdays, then they will surely accept that you paying £15 is fair. I'm sure saying £30 per couple was a simple honest mistake/oversight. They are probably oblivious to the fact that you may be in a dilemma over this. After all, you are only half a couple and there for should only make half a couple's contribution.

kp15

Pay half, but expect to receive half as well.

spikedouglas

I think they wrote the email wrong, and yes, if they are looking for 15 per person that's what should be written. Otherwise it's not fair.

As far as the meal analogy goes, personally I'll only split the bill if:

1. We agree equal shares irrespective and menu items are broadly similarly priced. I can't bear the tightwad that expects not to pay a share, or the person who milks it for what it's worth.

2. We separate out the drinks bill as this is often very unfair to people who don't drink much, or we cap the amounts.

redglass_2

djembe_caz wrote: »

I'd be a bit offended that the assumption was towards couples, alienating the one person because they're single. Like how holidays are based on two people sharing, buy one get one half price restaurant deals etc.

Agreed. We don't all go through the world two by two, like the animals in Noah's Ark! If I were the OP, though, I'd ask for clarification. It doesn't seem a very difficult problem to solve, given a bit of goodwill.

jesspolo

Just pay half. I've just had a request which is for one person's present, which says each couple should stump up £30 or singles just half that.
The request comes from a single person so I should imagine in their position they are a bit more aware of this issue than most loved-up people.
Put it this way - if you suddenly entered a partnership with one of your friends who was also paying, you'd only pay £30 between you, not each, wouldn't you.

BNT

hbk619 wrote: »

I do, why should I have to pay more because my mate wants the £15 main and I got the £6 main?

Because you are paying for a night out with friends, not just for the food on your plate. Unless there is a fixed price, it is inevitable that some people's meal's will cost more than others. To start allocating the costs according to who had what makes no more sense than giving a discount to the people whose conversation is more entertaining.

I find that these things tend to even out -- people who are not willing to pay an equal share find themselves excluded from future invitations; likewise those who take advantage by ordering way above everyone else.